New marriages and blended families are difficult for many people to grow accustomed to and even be comfortable with.
Teens are very much included in this, when they are expected to embrace a new parent in their family circle.
Sometimes the children from these marriages make mistakes and cross boundaries that shouldn't be crossed.
For Reddit user "kiezuz," who is a 15-year-old teen male, he was tired of his stepmom enforcing rules in his home and acting like a mother figure.
He explained on the "Am I the A$$hole?" subReddit that he's willing to listen to his father and his mother, but when it's time to listen to his stepmom, he believes she should have no power over him to create house rules.
The teen explained:
"I live at my [35] mom's half of the time and the other half is at my [39] dad's and my [26] stepmom's. My stepmom is decent but she tries to act like she is my mom too much."
He explained he was in his room one night, settling in for the evening, when he had an altercation with his stepmom.
"Yesterday I was playing at 9pm and stopped before anyone came into my room to complain. I wanted to chill for a bit on my phone. I listened to some music for an hour until my stepmom came in and started whining about me being up so late. I told her that it's only 10pm and that I would have to get up at 9am so it's fine."
"She insisted and I had enough of it so I just straight up told her that she wasn't my real mom and that she didn't have authority over me. That might have been a bit childish but I was really annoyed. She didn't let up and called my dad who was in the living room. He was really mad and told me to listen to what she says."
After his father appeared, he did what he was told, but still not as a result of his stepmom's wishes.
"I did what my dad told me to do which was to brush my teeth and go to bed. Today he told me to listen to her because she partially owns the house and has authority over me and can tell me when to go to bed and do chores."
The teen reached out to Reddit, asking if he was in the wrong for perceiving his relationship with his stepmom in this way.
Some fellow Reddit users got really hung up on his bedtime being at 10 PM and argued this was much too early for a teenager, and this conversation took over a fair amount of the thread.
But for those who were there to give their opinion on the teen's actual question, surrounding his relationship with his stepmom, they mostly understood where he was coming from.
Redditors pointed out he was living in his father and stepmom's house and needed to live by their rules while staying there.
"You're The A$$hole (YTA). I know I'm going to get down voted, but I don't much care."
"She knows she's not your mom, there is no reason to tell her. She's in a weird spot, too. She inherited a kid and she's not too far from a kid herself."
"She is an adult, however, and you are not. You are in her house, she is not in yours. If your dad says you should do as she says and treat her like an authority figure, then that's what you should do."
"I'm sure you think you're a grown a$ adult because you're 15, but you're not. Maybe have a talk with your dad about what kind of authority she has with you, but don't remind her of something she already knows. That's the a$hole way to approach this." - eyveeohceeeydeeoh
"Why tf would she have any authority over when he goes to sleep? He's 15 and 10 pm is really early for a 15 year old." - theycallmecovid19
"Teenagers may not want to go to bed then, but it's a perfectly reasonable time to require they go to bed, especially on school nights."
"And she has authority over when he goes to sleep because she's his stepmom. It's not like she's pulling a Cinderella and asking him to do all the chores and forbidding him from ever seeing his friends. She's giving him a bedtime." - SecretlyFBI
"Because it's her house. I'm going to guess there's a lot more play here than what this 15-year-old decided to write. And if his issue was over what time she was making him go to bed, that's how he should've vocalized it… Not saying that she can't comment because she's not his real mom. It's her house and she can set the rules whatever way she wants to, no matter how stupid we all think they are." - alliekat237
"Look, that is general nagging that all parents do. Really the issue is not that he didn't want to sleep at 10 pm. By all means, he can argue with her about his sleep schedule and all that. He is the a$hole because when he got annoyed, he simply told her that she was not her mom and didn't have any authority over him. What this means is that any time he disagrees with her or is in an argument with her, he'll just drop this bomb on her."
"Technically he is right, she doesn't have authority over [him] (unless somehow legally specified etc etc), but that's not how families work. This sub is called 'Am I the A$hole' and not ' Is what I said not legal'. Unless she is somehow abusive or doesn't want to take responsibility for the kid, he should treat her as he would treat his mother. YTA."
"Also, it felt childish to him because it was childish and he is a child. It's not that big of a deal. He should simply apologize for what he said and make sure to not cross a certain line even when he has disagreements with her." - Hairy_Air
Once the thread could look past the bedtime, it was pretty clear that the teen was in the wrong for how he handled the situation.
Though the role a stepparent will play is a highly individualized decision from household to household, he should respect the adults' decision for their home.
"My house, my rules" is a pretty universal parenting sentiment.
