an Oh Myyy Property

A Satire Post Describing A Sexually Abused 12-Year-Old In Alabama Is Dark AF

Ian West/Getty Images, @EpsenSvendsen/Twitter

Everyone is abuzz about new abortion laws in several states, but one publication decided to tackle it with satire.

Would we expect anything less of The Onion?

A brutally dark satirical article was recently published on the well-established parody news site, The Onion. And the response has been, well, effective.

The article, posted on The Onion on May 16th, details a fictional 12 year old girl from Alabama. In the fake profile, she laments about how she is not ready to be a mother after the sexual abuse of her stepfather, stating that she wouldn't be able to handle being a parent on top of her other preteen responsibilities.

"I have several book reports and a big algebra test coming up in the next few weeks, and I had even been thinking about trying out for my school's chorus."

The girl adds:

"But giving birth and caring for an infant is going to really cut into my studying time."

The "report" goes on to discuss the girl's "intense feelings of shame and fear associated with trauma", and how that is an additional factor that interferes with school, along with the situation of having to raise the child of the person who attacked her.

It concludes with a harrowing joke about how the Alabama girl hopes that her unborn child will be friends with those of her fellow pregnant classmates.



This article, of course, comes as a response to Alabama's newfound abortion ban, which makes no exceptions for rape or incest. Unfortunately, while The Onion's article was clearly a tongue-in-cheek take on the world around us, it isn't far from the truth.

The response to the article on Twitter has been overwhelming, with many finding the story incredibly unsettling.

Others have commented on how The Onion's previous notoriety for being a parody news site is gradually becoming eerily similar to our actual news headlines.

The world around us is a scary place.

However, having outlets like The Onion serve as not only a commentary of our times, but allow us some comic relief after dealing with headline after headline of terrifying news every day.

Ultimately, while The Onion toed the line with what was politically correct, it clearly got the response that it sought out.

This is one of those jokes where you just have to laugh, because you'll cry if you don't.


sturti/Getty Images

Gender roles have evolved over time, which includes the roles of spouses in a "traditional marriage."

While the concept of traditional marriage is actually quite modern and differed in cultures around the world, most people envision the homes of sitcoms like Father Knows Best and Leave It to Beaver from the 1950s and early 1960s when they think of a traditional marriage.

Keep reading... Show less
Good Morning America // Good Morning America // @fisky76/Twitter

An Australian detective didn't have time for further questions when he suddenly stopped a press conference to go full-linebacker on a man sprinting past him.

Keep reading... Show less

If your life were a book, what would it be called? Everyone's story is special and unique (yeah it's cheesey but it's true), though we all have some experiences in common - like aging, or periods of depression, or newfound success.

Sarahdactyls asked Redditors, If your life was a book, what's the name of the chapter you are in right now?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.

Keep reading... Show less
Robert Marquardt / Stringer via Getty Images, u/NothappyJane, reddit

Bridesmaids aren't typically chosen via text message, but a viral reddit post just exposed the most awkward request ever to join someone's wedding party.

Keep reading... Show less
PA Real Life/Collect

A mum has praised the incredible bravery of her two little girls – struck down by an ultra-rare condition affecting less than one per cent of the population – which is turning their bodies to stone.

Keep reading... Show less
Laure three days after her second surgery which grafted skin from her forehead to her nose (Collect/PA Real Life)

A tanning addict who admits to soaking up sun without using protection for decades talked to Press Association about how a pink pimple on the end of her nose turned out to be sunbathing-induced skin cancer.

Her nose had to be covered using a radical technique known as a reconstructive skin flap, involving three operations in May and June, after Laure Seguy was diagnosed with skin cancer. She blames her tanning addiction and has now drastically overhauled her relationship with the sun.

Keep reading... Show less