A woman who struggled with establishing her own identity while growing up with a twin sister finally managed to come into her own in college.
But recent developments found Redditor "skearns68"—who is now pregnant—at odds with her sister again.
The Original Poster (OP) is set on the perfect name for her baby. But her sister coincidentally found a child to adopt who happened to have the exact same name.
What she asked her sister to do to resolve the duplicate name issue infuriated Redditors.
The OP gave some backstory about growing up as a twin.
"My sister S and I are identical twins. I've always felt like I've never been allowed to have my own things."
"We have rhyming names, my mom always tried to get us matching clothes, and we shared a bedroom. That's never bothered S like it bothers me."
"She always wanted to do same activities as me and hang out with my friend group."
"When we were 18, she applied to a few of the same colleges as me but she's never been as good of a student and she didn't get into my dream school and I did. I hid it but I was really excited."
Branching off onto separate paths did the siblings some good.
"Ultimately, it was good for us that S went to a different college. Our relationship improved when I had my own space where I could be myself and not one of the interchangeable twins."
"I went to graduate school so I didn't get married until last year. After the wedding, we moved to my hometown to raise our kids close to family."
"S has been married for four years. Unfortunately, her husband SH is unable to have kids. They decided to adopt, which I think is fantastic."
"I'm currently pregnant and having a girl. My husband and I spent a lot of time picking out the perfect name for our future child. I feel SO good about this name."
There was an exciting announcement, followed by a not-so-exciting announcement.
"Yesterday, S and SH announced to the family (remotely) that they are officially about to adopt a little girl. They wanted a baby but ended up having to go with a slightly older kid, 5."
"She looks absolutely precious and I was so happy for a few seconds before they announced her name is B, the name that S KNOWS is my daughter's."
"I thought that was a joke so I kind of laughed. Then I realized they were serious."
"Obviously the girls can't have the same name. Twins with daughters with the same name??? Everyone would laugh at us."
The OP feared that history would repeat itself.
"I feel like all of my problems with S will repeat themselves as everyone compares the girls and lumps them together because they have the same name."
"They won't be able to have a good relationship because of this. I don't want people nicknaming my kid to distinguish her because I like the FULL name I chose."
"And I can't help but suspect that S picked a kid with the same name on purpose just like she always wanted to be like me when we were kids."
She is hoping S will understand her concerns since the OP will receive her child first.
"I am planning to talk to S about the situation. One of us needs to change our kid's name and I'm hoping she'll be reasonable."
"My kid will get here first (I'm almost at my due date) and I picked out the name first."
"A lot of parents change their adopted kids' names. They could do that."
"If the kid won't change her name, S and SH could go with a different kid. There are thousands upon thousands of orphans who need loving homes and 99.9999% of them don't have this one particular name."
"They haven't bonded with this one yet. I already have bonded with my baby and I can't imagine her with another name."
The OP ended her post by asking AITA for requesting her twin sister to change the adopted child's name.
She lamented:
"This is stressing me out and it's NOT GOOD for my baby."
Redditors were not sympathetic.
In fact, many were appalled over the fact that the OP would threaten the identity of an adopted child who most likely endured many hardships.
The general consensus was YTA (You're the A**hole), and many advised the OP to grow up.
"YTA. At first I thought your sister was planning to change this child's name to your preferred name and was prepared to go off on her for that, setting aside any twin issues you might have, because that is an objectively sh**ty thing to do to a child."
"It took a minute for me to get that this is what you want her to do. You are an unbelievable a**hole."
"This child has undergone more trauma than you can imagine if she has lost her family at 5 years old. I'm a twin, too. Your childhood troubles do not compare."
"In fact, they should make you more sympathetic to the fact that children are full human beings with their own identity and are not interchangeable."
"You can't see past your own petty complaints to the point where you will let them rob a 5 year old of either her identity or her new family."
"Words cannot describe how disgusted I am with you right now. Get help." – gatitamonster
"And parents who change their adopted kids names only do that with like, infants who have no attachment to the name, or if it's necessary for the kid's safety, not to some random 5 year old because someone in the family wants the name."
"YTA, OP. Plain and simple. You change the name if you hate it so much, or cut out the rest of your family for the rest of your life and never let your child know them, since that's the only way you're getting what you want." – 9r7g5h
"So OP wants her sister to change the name of a 5 year old who has already had her life turned upside down? Unbelievable." – Hrududu147
"I was already amazing at how horrible the OP was acting when she suggested they change the name of a five year old, but when she suggested that they just adopt a different kid (like it's a shopping trip), my mouth fell open even more."
"The OP is 100% TA." – Holdenwasright
"And if she can't change the name, just exchange the child right? How f'king selfish is that."
"There are thousands upon thousands of beautiful baby girl names she can pick for her child but nope, its more convenient in ops mind to exchange the child. I cant even with this post." – RevenantSascha
This is how ridiculous the change in request would sound over the phone.
They are dealing with human beings, not toys.
"Yes, hello. Is this the adoption agency? Hi, this is S. We have decided that we want a different kid, because my sister wants to give her baby the same name as the one we picked out."
"We still have the receipt, if that helps. Any other kid will do, provided they have a different name. Thanks a lot." – Obesibas
Redditors continued showing no mercy.
"YTA. That's on of the sh**tiest most selfish reasoning I've ever heard."
"Although I don't agree with this all 'she is trying to steal my chosen name for my baby' I CAN somehow understand."
"THIS I can't even believe there is such person walking on Earth. Her sister want to adopt, they already have 'candidate' girl."
"But OP thinks children are some ware at market. Not sentient beings. 'You can have others, not this because she has name I picked for my baby and you CAN'T HAVE IT.'" – Trirain
Others in the same situation expressed never having an issue with shared names.
"My sister and a cousin have the same name and it's never been a problem. They were 'big L' and 'little L' or first name, last initial."
"Totally not a big deal. I believe my aunt and uncle checked with my parents before using the same name (my sister is the elder of the two) but clearly there was no issue." – Kiwitechgirl
"I have the most common name for women the year I was born— there were three of us in my third grade classroom."
"I never found it to be a problem and I admittedly have very little patience for name dramas."
"But I think 'Big Beatrice' and 'Little Beatrice' could be cute if they're worried about confusion within the family." – gatitamonster
What's the big deal?
"I can't believe that OP thinks her sister would deliberately 'pick out' a kid with that name. Like is her sister so petty that she'd really go to the effort to adopt a child specially for a name? I'm pretty sure it doesn't even work like that."
"To expect a 5 year old to get a name change for no other reason is disgusting and would only cause resentment later between the 2 kids."
"I mean what's gonna happen when the adopted child finds out they were adopted with a different name and it was changed so her cousin that wasn't even born could have it? How do you think that would go down?"
"Literally just pick a new name. I'm sure you'll find another one you like just as much." – silke_worm
Hopefully the OP will come to her sense after reading the comments.
There are plenty of other wonderful names she can switch to.
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