People Share The Stupidest Excuse They've Ever Heard

That's....not how that works.

This one guy would show up to work an hour late after the daylight savings time change. He claimed he forgot to change his clocks at home for DST.

But he would use that excuse whether we moved the clock forward or backward! If he was telling the truth, he'd be an hour EARLY to work once a year. But no, he was an hour late twice a year.

whomp1970

Have a good gay.

"I can't come in today, I just found out my two dads are gay."

DiatomicBologna

"Understood. Take the rest of the gay off. I MEANT DAY!"

TobiasMasonPark

Sounds fake but ok.

I'm a teacher and I just got this one like five minutes ago.

T: Why isn't your homework done.

S: I didn't have a pencil.

T: Over the whole weekend?

S: ...yeah.

T: Like you don't have them in your home?

S: No we have them. I just didn't get one.

banquoinchains

I mean....fair.

While in the middle of the SAT test, some kid got up and started walking to the door. The testing proctor asked what he was doing, and he declared that someone had farted and he was now unable to concentrate. The proctor glared at him and said nothing, and the kid left.

Perhaps it was the environment, but no one even laughed.

UnsavoryBoy

Same.

A guy at a bar wanted us to buy him a drink because he was unemployed. We probed about why he has no job and he said he lacked confidence.

I said you seem to have plenty of confidence asking strangers for free stuff.

InocenciaCoursey

Uhhhhh......

I used to play in a band where the drummer always came up with ridiculous excuses to skip rehearsal. The best one was:

"My wife was having a breakdown because of the anesthesia while getting her belly pierced."

What..?

Skidmark666

That's not a fun mental image.

I work with addicts and alcoholics. We give them drug tests and I've heard a ton of excuses why they are positive on a drug test. My favorite would have to be a women who was a meth user. I ask her why she was positive and she denied it could have been positive because she hasn't used.

I always ask for an explanation if they deny to see if I can catch them lying. She asks me "so what if I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend, cause he still uses". Of course, you can't test positive like this, but my mental image will always be a man fun dipping his penis into meth and then proceeding to have intercourse.

BeardoMasters

This is a mood.

"I was so high I fell asleep and didn't wake up for 3 days."

dadosdoritos

Afro Man did it, missed buying a ticket for a plane to get a concern until the last second cause he was high, then had to skip the show cause they don't pay Afro Man like Afro Man should be paid.

billbapapa

.....so who's gonna tell her?

During San Francisco Fleet Week, I had an employee refuse to come to work because there was a Russian ship parked in the Bay (along with many other ships). She was absolutely convinced that the ship was here to nuke us.

Spritzertog

Even if it did, staying at home wouldn't help unless she lived deep inside of a mountain.

Egodram

More time for a morning cigarette.

Had a housekeeper at a resort hotel who couldn't be on time for her shifts if it meant saving her own life.

This one lady had a regular habit of sauntering on into the office 20 or 30 minutes late seemingly every other day, uncombed hair, looking hungover, and always... ALWAYS... reeking of cigarettes.

Her excuse for such frequent tardiness: "I'm a smoker. I need more time for my morning cigarette."

I smoked a pack and a half a day for two years (and I've long since quit,) so I call bullshit: This woman had a short commute from a few blocks away, her own shit-box-on-wheels for a car, and no kids, so therefore no reason why she couldn't have a smoke en-route. Also, at least half the other housekeepers are also smokers and THEY still showed up on time for their shifts.

Maybe she had something else going on, I suspect a drinking problem or untreated depression (maybe both) but what a dumb excuse for a smoker to make to another smoker who works among even more smokers.

Egodram