Toddlers are hysterical––especially when they have absurd tantrums.
I used to babysit one who became furious with me for not disclosing my age. I asked him to guess my age. (I was 22 at the time.) He refused to guess and seemed offended that I would dare ask him that. He proceeded to flip out and threw a plate (plastic, but still). That was a fun thing to explain to his mother!
After Redditor turnturnburn asked the online community, "What's the best toddler complaint you've ever heard?" people shared their stories.
"She accused my husband..."
My toddler got mad that her poop came out in two pieces instead of one. She accused my husband of cutting it while she wasn't looking.
"My daughter had a complete existential breakdown..."
My daughter had a complete existential breakdown one day when she found out that she was going to have to pee every day of her life.
"When my daughter was three..."
When my daughter was three, I told her to stop trying to draw on the dog with crayons. She threw the crayon on the floor, looked me dead in the eye and yelled, "Daddy, you're ruining my life!"
"i caved..."
My daughter wanted to drink pure lemon juice and threw a fit when she was denied.
I caved on the premise of natural consequences. One sip and she vomited. She never bugged us about it again.
"Demanded to know..."
Demanded to know how to say "Hola in Spanish," would not accept that "hola" was already Spanish, cried for hours.
"My nephew..."
My nephew had a breakdown and cried when his boot wouldn't fit on his head like a hat.
"My daughter asked for strawberry ice cream..."
My daughter asked for strawberry ice cream from the grocery store when she was about 4. I bought it for her and when we got home and she had some after dinner, she started crying. I asked why and she said, "I wanted strawberry ice cream without bones!" She didn't like the hard frozen pieces of strawberry in the ice cream that she picked out. I thought the idea of "ice cream bones" was funny.
"I yawned..."
I yawned with my mouth really wide and my little sister told my mum i was trying to eat her.
"I suppose..."
My niece recently was upset about being served food in the little bowl, and not the big bowl. When her food was the moved from the little bowl to a big bowl for her, she had a melt down. After a fair amount of crying she was able to explain she didn't want the food from the little bowl placed into the big bowl.
I suppose once in the little bowl the food was forever tainted.
"After probably 45 minutes of this..."
Toddler & I are in the truck for a 3-hour, mostly freeway trip. Toddler asks if she can have her window down. Begs. Says pretty please. Whines that she NEEDS the window down. Answer is no... we're going 70 mph for the next few hours. Thus begins the wailing! She cries, and cries... and cries. The window's not going down, I'm tuning her out, no problem, the music is on, I'm just driving and life is good.
After probably 45 minutes of this, she slows down, gulps a few times, and in a tremulous voice asks, "Mommy, why am I crying?"
I laughed so hard I nearly ran off the road. If you don't remember, I'm not telling you, Kid.
"Can I have a snake"
My daughter (about 5) threw a wadded up piece of paper at us and ran away. We opened it up and she had written, "can I have a snake?". Wife yelled "no, you may not" and my daughter then came back almost in tears to ask why not. She said, "I ate all of my dinner so why can't I have one?"
Wife asked what that had to do with snakes at which point we realized she had misspelled "snack". Also, my son put us in a sort of reverse "timeout" once when he got angry. This consisted of him going into his room and refusing to come out... leaving us in peace and quiet. He essentially played himself.
"My mouth wants more"
After a couple slices of pizza, 3 year old bursts into tears and says:
"My mouth wants more but my tummy doesn't!"
Me too, kid. Me too.
"Too many dinosaurs"
I worked at a preschool from this October to December as an assistant teacher. We had a play room next to the classroom and one day we decided to go in there to play. In there was a shelf with a lot of dinosaurs to choose from. A child came up to me and said he wanted to play with the dinos. I said "okay". This child just sat on the floor and looked like he was having the crisis of his life. Then began to cry and when I asked him what was wrong, he said "there's too many dinosaurs to choose from"
"Mechanical motions of eating"
I watched a friend's kid have a total breakdown because he wanted to have eaten ice cream. The thing was, he HAD ice cream. It was his dessert, and it was in a bowl in front of him. He could eat it. But the fact that he had to go through the mechanical motions of eating, to get the later point in time where he had had ice cream, was really just too much for him to bear.
Watching tiny humans grapple with cause and effect is fascinating.
"Too spicy"
When my little sister was a toddler she screamed she couldn't go to sleep because her pajamas were "too spicy"
"Compromise"
Asked if she could have one piece of candy, and I said yes. She then asked, "can we compromise?" and I replied that we didn't need to compromise because she was already getting exactly what she wanted. Child proceeds to throw a tantrum until I agree that we can compromise. She eats her candy and leaves happily
"Four words that haunt me"
Was sitting at the entrance of the play place at a nearly empty chick-fil-a (idk how but there was barely anyone there) when a little boy, probably walked up to me, pointed at my sunburnt face and said the four words that haunt me to this day:
"Your nose is wrong"
Edit: I mean tot say probably 2-3 years old
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