For those of you who haven't been following, the Iowa Democratic Caucuses on Monday, February 3rd were an unmitigated disaster.
After "discrepancies" in reporting between several sources of results, as of 11:30 am on Tuesday, February 4th, there are still 0% of precincts officially reporting caucus results.
Despite the utter failure of this step in the democratic process, the internet was determined to have some fun.
Though no official winners have been posted, people are already declaring some rather unusual results.
I did think it was weird when they announced that “La La Land” won the Iowa caucus— Will Bunch 🆘 (@Will Bunch 🆘)1580790434.0
BREAKING: we’ve learned sweet adoptable senior pup Foxy has won the #IowaCaucus, shocking the nation! Ok, no - but… https://t.co/zadMffiSws— Morris Animal Refuge 2020 (@Morris Animal Refuge 2020)1580833539.0
I would like to offically declare that I have won the Iowa caucus. A big victory yes but even greater challenges aw… https://t.co/GyoFJJOYZh— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter)1580830701.0
Was very excited to hear the news that I won the Iowa caucus! I’ll try to do you all proud.— Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg (@Rabbi Danya Ruttenberg)1580796036.0
You won the Iowa Caucus! And you won the Iowa Caucus! And you won the Iowa Caucus! #IowaCaucas https://t.co/t5BYuWUb4Y— CaptainTouchback (@CaptainTouchback)1580817176.0
As there is still no official winner, candidates have been making speeches that sound oddly like victory speeches.
But as nobody is the winner yet, everybody is fair game.
Who won the Democrats #IowaCaucus? -Avenatti? -Michael Moore? -Cohen? -Romney? -A Schiff whistleblower? -Schiff h… https://t.co/WROzxjno0f— Nick Short 🇺🇸 (@Nick Short 🇺🇸)1580819217.0
i think we ALL won the iowa caucus https://t.co/9e84BmmtJZ— PANTONE 13-1520 (@PANTONE 13-1520)1580795709.0
When the Iowa caucus results come back with 69% of votes for Votey McVoteface, I'm going to suspect outside interference.— chris morran (@chris morran)1580787246.0
Simone Biles has won the Iowa Caucuses https://t.co/xGA5KH4Sja— Jake Bullington (@Jake Bullington)1580776142.0
Boris won the Iowa Caucus - he’s taking that momentum and napping. https://t.co/kNqakbQIjk— Chet Faliszek (@Chet Faliszek)1580835448.0
And really, is the point who WON the Iowa Caucus?
Isn't it all about the friends we made along the way?
Alice in Wond…er…Iowa: `What is a Caucus-race?' said Alice…It was not easy to know when the race was over…They all… https://t.co/txiknMikNz— Hannah Grieser (@Hannah Grieser)1580827823.0
Duolingo just told me I completed my lessons for the day and that I won the Iowa caucus— Dave Jorgenson 🥛 (@Dave Jorgenson 🥛)1580825518.0
INCREDIBLE! RESULTS ARE EARLY BUT IT APPEARS THAT SEABISCUIT HAS WON THE IOWA CAUCUS https://t.co/yz3ZhZnP0i— Shafer Ward (@Shafer Ward)1580780048.0
Friends, I appreciate your patience but it's time to announce this news. I've won the #IowaCaucus. I thank you fo… https://t.co/oPE1Xp7s3n— Joshua Unruh (@Joshua Unruh)1580825324.0
Baby Yoda won the #IowaCaucus https://t.co/u8NzMR4N3L— Devon Wheeler (@Devon Wheeler)1580785444.0
The nation continues to impatiently await results from the caucus, but until then, aren't we all winners?