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Mother-Of-The-Bride Tells Her Daughter She Won't Pay For Her Wedding After Finding Out She's Marrying Her Distant Cousin

Ljupco, via Getty Images

It is not necessarily the case that the parents of a child about to marry will love the choice of spouse.

But, after all, it is the child's own life and they have final say about who they deem best to spend their life with, even if there will be some friction at the family parties.


But does that go out the window when the choice is technically a relative?

One Reddit-cruising mother found herself weighing the dynamics of what constitutes incest so much more than any of us ever plan or want to.

She was then hit with a couple questions that don't give obvious answers:

Is there any acceptable relationship because the family branches are far enough away? To what extent is one actively supposed to shut such a wedding down?

To maintain a peaceful mind for the reader, the post begins with the assurance that this is not willful, but that blissfully ignorant, accidental kind.

"My daughter is planning on getting married very soon. However, I found out last week upon doing research on our family tree that my daughter's fiancé is her fifth cousin."

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Apparently the mother is unaware that the law defines incest as being first cousins or closer. Fifth cousins are legally able to marry and are not considered an incestuous relationship.

Fifth cousins have the same great-great-great-great-grandparents.

Upon gathering the fruits of that detective work, Mama bird was not about to sit by idly, to which her daughter said "damn the torpedoes" and pressed on.

"I initially didn't know how to break this news to her, but I finally did several days ago. My daughter apparently thought that this is perfectly fine, and that she's still going to marry him anyway."

The tender route having proved unsuccessful, mom amped up the assertive tone.

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The daughter's response was FIERCE.

"I told her that I don't approve of this marriage, and that even though I initially agreed to pay for this wedding, I will not be paying for it if she decides to go through with it. We got into a huge fight, which ended with her telling me that she's cutting me out of her life."

The mother, however, stands by her position, stating things in the simplest, most compelling terms she can think of.

"I honestly don't know what to do. I just don't want my daughter to marry her friggin cousin."

Reddit, for its part, is evidently aware of how distantly related fifth cousins are genetically.

"There's a massive difference between a first cousin and a fifth cousin. The genetic risk of marrying even a second cousin is around the same as marrying a stranger - and if she's marrying her fifth cousin then there's not likely to be any issues."
"We are all related if you look far back enough in our family trees, and as long as she's happy that's all that matters." -- littlemidgeem
"You're throwing a hissy fit over someone who was great great great grandpa's brother's kid's kid's kid's kid's kid? Do you know how ridiculous that sounds?" -- c_meltdown
"Average % of DNA shared: 0.05% according to a quick google. Negligible at worst." -- jevans774
"Fifth cousin? FIFTH? They have more DNA in common with a potato than with each other." -- Josella-Playton

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"Even in the middle ages, where cousin marriages were EXTREMELY regulated, they only banned to FOURTH cousins without a dispensation.EVEN IN THE MIDDLE AGES THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN OK."
"They're not related. And you looking it up was creepy as heck." -- AlpineRN
"5th cousin means they share one great great great great grandparent.
"You have 4 grandparents, 8 great grandparents, 16 great-grandparents, 32 great-great-grandparents, 64 great-great-great-grandparents, 128-great-great-great-great-grandparents."
"Fifth cousin means 1 of those 128 was the same. Get over yourself." -- seanprefect

Some keyed in on the subtext here.

After all, why was mom searching for possible issues for the relationship in the first place?

"Yeah either you're lying to yourself and/or your daughter about the real reason you don't approve, or you legit believe this is a problem for some reason that only makes sense to you. " -- BardicInclination
"Sure does look like you hate your daughter's partner and we're searching for anything to break them up." -- redpurplegreen22
"You sure had to hunt to find that relationship. Are you sure there wasn't a different reason you wanted to object?" -- FragilousSpectunkery

So it goes.

A young, happy couple loses out on really helpful, traditional financial assistance because they share one out of 128 relatives six generations before they were born.

But something tells us mom is going to be the one who really loses out when she's no longer welcome in her daughter's life.