People Explain Which Jobs They Think Are Utterly Useless

Woof Woof

"Pet Psychic. Our Golden Retriever was getting joint therapy (shoulder injury, worked with a vet, dog did swimming three days a week in a heated pool where he could exercise without putting weight on the joint, also did some exercises, is now fine. The place also did laser therapy and acupuncture for dogs.)"

"Someone said something about 'Hudson' which is our dog's name only they were talking to another dog. 'Oh,' they said, 'That's the dog psychic's dog.' Apparently you could find out what your dog was thinking."

"I know what my dog is thinking. Most of the time he either wants what I'm eating or he wants me to throw the ball."

– LucasBN2

"I'm a pet psychic too, but unfortunately I can't speak dog. Whole lot of woofing going on in their heads though."

– Herzeleid-

Falling To The Wayside

"I once filed charges against my employer for an unethical issue that happened. Attorneys were involved and it was ugly for about 2 weeks. I had all job assignments taken away while the investigation was conducted. In the middle of the investigation is when covid took off and the world went into a tailspin."

"Everyone who was involved with my issue/charge just started exiting the company and I just never had any duties given back to me. I stayed in that role for 6 months without anyone ever questioning what I did. I would come into work, and make a lap around the site, take an hour lunch and come and go as I wanted."

"It was a fortune 500 and they just lost track of who I was or what I was doing. I was working on a project team and everyone just assumed my direction came from someone else. At one point the company slashed 20% of the salaried workforce and I never heard a word."

"When I left the company for an external opportunity they gave me a sizable exit package to resolve my charge and a wonderful review. It was the worst of times due to the anxiety of always expecting the worst, and the best of times because I was just coming and going with no direction or expectations of any kind."

– eedlez67

"I've had something similar to this happen myself. I wasn't paid, though."

"I'm an off-site subcontractor for a huge corporation. Huge, as in, not just one building at headquarters, it was an entire campus spread over 20 buildings. I work from home."

"So I'm a subcontractor, not an actual employee. And I need to go to HQ for a week of hands-on work that can't be done at home."

"The hands-on work required access to a server room. And the server room was locked, you needed a passcard to get in. So for the first day or two, I'd have to bug an employee to let me back into the server room after going to the bathroom, or to lunch."

"Plus, I had nowhere to "work". Nowhere to set up my laptop and actually get work done. There were no desks/chairs in the server room."

"So some low-level executive got the bright idea, let's get whomp a temporary badge and passcard to access the server room without bugging anyone else, and let's let whomp set up in one of those empty, unoccupied offices."

"The intent was for this to be temporary, but the corporate wheel started moving...."

"All of a sudden, overnight, that unoccupied office got all the things that a new hire would get. Staplers, monitors, file folders, pens, pencils, desk blotter. A binder showed up with company handbook, policies, maps, and so on."

"The next day, the office had MY NAME on it. A BRASS PLAQUE on the door had my name on it. And a phone was installed, and the office assistant came over to show me how to use it. I had a voicemail mailbox that now belonged to me. A laptop was issued to me. I was shown how to access the shared printer."

"My week ended, and I went back home, cross country."

"For MONTHS, "my office" was still there! I'd ask friends who worked there, to go check, and my office was still there. Others working nearby thought I was just traveling a lot. My voicemail stayed active for months too. To everyone's understanding, I was an employee who just happened to work odd hours, or something."

"About eight months later someone figured out the mistake."

– whomp1970

Ring, Ring

"Telemarketers, I don’t know a single person who has actually purchased something from a telemarketer. Maybe it’s something the older generation does but everyone hates them and immediately hangs up on them around me."

– Administrative_Toe96

"I don't even answer my phone when friends call."

– mscocobongo

"I worked as a telemarketer for State Farm when I got out of high school, and in 8 months I had one person actually let me give her a quote. It was my aunt."

– YoutubeRewind2024

What Did The Sign Say?

"No one is talking about those sign spinners that became popular."

"Who has ever seen someone flipping a sign and"

1. "been able to read it"
2. "went to the business to buy something because of it"

– Oshester

Privacy Please

"Bathroom attendants. I don’t need somebody in there pulling paper towels out the dispenser just to hand it to me and compel me to tip them."

– Ozzy_HV

"I never saw this until I was visiting Ireland a few years back, and man, was it f*cking annoying."

"It's bad enough there's a guy standing at the sinks watching you have a leak, but then he wants a euro or two for handing you a towel to dry your hands."

– Fresh-Hedgehog1895

Ouch!

"Influencers"

– sugarkiwipie

"What's the difference between a social media influencer and a philosophy major?"

"The philosophy major needed a degree to be useless."

"(Sorry philosophy majors)"

– Actuaryba

Pressing Buttons

"An elevator attendant."

"“First floor sir? I’ll press button number 1 for you.”"

– Carl_Clegg

"I’m so old I remember when they had these in department stores. Whilst shopping with my grandma one day we got in an elevator and the attendant asked if we wanted the second floor. My grandma replies, “why yes, how did you know?” He says, “ma’am, there’s only two floors, and we’re currently on the first one.”"

– Penguin_Dreams

Office Matron

"The lady who walks around the office saying "Don't be on your phones, if you have time for that then you can study about the company!""

"Same lady that is pushing hard to go back in the office, because remote work pointed out how useless that position is."

– digitalmofo

"We had that lady at my old job. She would put passive aggressive laminated signs in the bathroom about cleaning up after yourself. Since she's an idiot (big surprise) most of the signs had major spelling mistakes. Some coworkers and I would edit them and give an overall grade on the signs, usually with a note that said "Subpar work. Please see me after class.""

– tallhorsemusic

Tempting Fate

"I took a job scheduling residential HVAC technicians for a mid-sized company after a few years of working in the field. A few months in, the company ended its residential program to focus on commercial."

"Thing is, they already had commercial schedulers. My boss told me she'd find me a new roll, but then she took another job elsewhere and left."

"I stayed as a scheduler with no one to schedule in a department that no longer existed. No one in the office seemed to realize this, and for over half a decade, I would show up, make friendly conversation in the breakroom while making my coffee, and then literally just did nothing the rest of the day. Having left a stressful job, it was glorious."

"Occasionally someone would ask me an hvac or system-related question over email, and that was it. I made sure everyone liked me by bringing in bagels every Monday and donuts every Friday."

"Then covid happened and now I was doing nothing at home!"

"When I learned the company was being sold, I figured I wouldn't tempt fate anymore and applied elsewhere. My department head gave a glowing recommendation, having no idea what I even did but knowing I was friendly and helped him jump his car a few times."

– Belozersk

Got A Car? You're Safe!

"We have a specific security guard we've had for 13+ years now and is pretty useless. The security guard lives there and has a tv. He watches telenovelas most of the time."

"All he does is open the gate, and doesn't even bother to even inspect though, since according to his logic 99% of people who can afford a car aren't bad/harmful people. He doesn't ask names or house numbers, just opens the gate whenever he sees a car."

"Anyone can come in if they have a car, he doesn't even inspect faces."

"And do you know the worst part?"

"When moving into the privada, you are supplied with your own control remote. The gates are also automatic."

– Chandler367

"So he only opens the gate for anyone who doesn't live there..? Yikes"

– spencerandy16

Teach Me Tonight

"My math teacher who tells me to log in to Pearson and then disappears"

– NethrixTheSecond

"21st century version of"

"here's today's packet, it's based on chapter 4 in the text book, good luck" *plays solitaire for an hour"

– TitanicMan

"I dropped a university class this term because the week 3 assignment said to 'look up how to do this on Google, Stackexchange, or ChatGPT'."

"I'm not paying 1400 dollars to be taught by an ai chat bot lmao"

– 303Devilfish

The sad thing is, teaching is one of the least useless jobs out there.

Maybe if we paid them better, they'd want to be better!