A couple wanting to take the next huge step in their relationship by walking down the aisle is a huge confirmation of their affection for each other.
Yet, a fiancé getting cold feet the day before the day of the nuptials or a runaway bride leaving the groom alone at the altar are a thing.
What is it about tying the knot that makes a couple have reservations? Could it be the high divorce rate in the country?
Maybe so, but what's the point in pursuing love if nobody is in it for the long haul?
Strangers online assured a long-lasting marriage was possible when Redditor Aelynd asked:
"Those of you who are happily married, what is your biggest piece of advice for maintaining a relationship?"
Communication is first and foremost the glue that holds a relationship intact.
Speak Up
"You can’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Ever. Just say the words out loud."
– NervousHour4129
Being Honest
"This is so important and what my husband and I are currently working on. Communicating expectations, being honest about what you care about, and understanding the other person’s capabilities really alleviates some of the friction between us."
– _somelikeithot
Just Talk
"F'KING THIS! My husband and I've been married for 14 years. Our marriage almost dissolved twice. The first time, we went to therapy and he learned to talk to me (it was like talking* to a brick wall before then). The second time was because neither of us made time to talk to each other."
"Now, we put our kid to bed, go outside and smoke a bowl, and just f'king talk. No judgements, no yelling, just honest open discussion. And our marriage has never been stronger. It's been almost 3 years since we started doing this."
"Just talk to your spouse, people."
– irrelevant_echo
Expectations
"Unmet expectations are a killer. We have tons of expectations for our SO's - sometimes we need to check them at the door."
– MzFrazzle
It's not always wine and roses, though it can be. Still, relationships take work.
The Basic Foundation
"Communication, trust and respect."
– Goblinstomper
Support And Encouragement
"Help your partner achieve his/her goals with love and kindness."
– Just_a_Pym_Particle
Making Conscious Choices For Love
"15 years coming up in May. Marriage is not built on romantic feelings but on loyalty, trust, communication and perseverance. Every day I make the choice to spend the rest of my life with this man."
– BananaVixen
It's Not Always Perfect
"A lot of people forget this. Romantic feelings can be hard to come by during the tough times. It is a deliberate choice to persevere. And there are always tough times, a marriage isn't broken because they happen. A relationship between two people can be a roller coaster."
"Of course don't persevere through abuse. Perseverance is never worth it without genuine care and trust."
– Mental_Vacation
Stop Fixating On Little Things
"Don't sweat the small stuff."
"They're not going to fold your underwear the way you do it but does it really matter? If you criticize every little thing they do, they're not going to want to be around you for long."
– Rewdboy05
Comfort In Silence
"21 years together, 14 married this year. You and your SO should be comfortable and happy, and yes that's obvious but so many people "get bored " and either leave or start running around. If you cannot sit in silence with your spouse, as well as go and be spontaneous together, then you need to figure out why. I know so many married people who are absolutely horrid to each other. I asked one friend " would you be friends with spouse if you weren't married?" She said no. That's so sad and guaranteed to eventually end in disaster unless something is done. Be each other's best friends. Lust eventually may disappear, but the friendship and comfort you give each other will keep you going."
– NeverEnoughSleep08
Guilty During Covid
"I love this. My wife and I are best friends, we felt guilty during covid because we loved that we could just stay home, watch movies, play video games, whatever. A perfect day can be both of us in the same room, not even talking just playing our own games."
– HorseRadish98
It's easy to give in to negativity. These are simple fixes for that.
Stop The Trash Talk
"You are on the same team. Also, complaining about your spouse as a form of small talk is trashy, and you might start believing yourself after a while."
– thetrumpetingfairy
Listen More
"Know when to shut up. A lot of people say that communication is important and a couple should be able to talk to each other, but not many people mention that it's equally important to know when NOT to talk. Some things are just not helpful, they can only hurt your partner, and being honest with each other doesn't mean saying whatever comes to mind without thinking."
– june_a
Some Strong Points
"I’ll mention some things that haven’t been touched on:"
"Grace. The other person is human. They’re going to MESS up. You have to accept that (within reason) and understand that you also mess up. Forgiveness goes hand in hand with that."
"Learn to let stuff go. There will be epic issues for some marriages. But once you’ve put something to bed..it’s done. You don’t get to bring it up or hold it over their head or use it as a weapon."
"It’s not about you. Marriage is not for the selfish. Everyday you have to wake up and be willing to serve. I don’t mean be subservient, it shouldn’t be a power struggle. It’s about doing what’s best for your marriage and your spouse."
"You choose to love someone. You have a wedding once. You marry someone every day. You recommit yourself to them every day."
"Learn to embrace quirks. For example, my husband, every day, will come in and take off his shoes and socks and leave them wherever they get taken off. It drives me batty but my God if one day he didn’t walk through the door and yeet them off his feet…I’d be devastated. Because that means he’s gone."
"Set boundaries for self respect. Don’t put up with certain things but pick your battles. He can throw his socks wherever but I’m not his maid, either."
– TheRavenGirl13
Take A Time Out
"When getting into disagreements don’t try to solve it right away. Take 5-10 minuets to think it over separately, then talk it out."
"Taking the time to collect your thoughts will help prevent yelling, and big arguments."
– Limited_two
The tips for successful relationships mentioned here are not really rocket science.
They are very simple concepts that might be more difficult to execute.
But if you think about the person you ultimately fell in love with and chose to commit yourself to–in spite of their minor flaws and idiosyncrasies–isn't that person worth fighting for?
If they are, talk it out and hug it out.
