Planning the perfect birthday for your significant other can be fun but also stressful.
When everything you've planned for your lover's birthday falls apart, it can feel like cake on your face.
Redditor "itsyaboisbday" prefered a low key birthday. But his girlfriend made ambitious plans that fell apart when their mutual friends bailed.
While she was understandably upset, he was fine with it, especially after his buddies saved the day by surprising him with a casual night of poker back at home.
So the original poster decided to spend the evening with them and asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for leaving his sulking girlfriend upstairs.
"A little bit ago, it was my birthday, and my girlfriend had planned out a whole thing for me."
"Some background was that I totally nailed her last birthday. We spent the whole day doing her favorite things, had dinner at her favorite restaurant, got a big dessert of her favorite cake, and went back to my place to find... a huge surprise party. (Gonna go ahead and congratulate myself again because I totally f'king nailed it for her)."
"I knew that she would try to top it for my birthday, but I really didn't want it. I don't like making a big deal of my birthday, so just having a beer with my friends is good enough. I also don't want to be mean, but she's really not that great at planning things."
"Unfortunately, she still decided to plan something."
"The first part was great. We went with some of our mutual friends (not my close friends, but good enough) to an escape room and had a great time."
"However, afterward, she got really upset when they left and started crying. When I asked why, it was because everyone had bailed on the second part of her plan: to go drinking on a raft in a nearby body of water."
"Now, I should say again that it's winter, and it was raining that day. The whole idea was pretty bad and I didn't want to do it (not that I said that, of course)."
"We went back to my place, where I found out that my closest friends had planned a poker night for me."
"My GF tried arguing with them because she 'knows me better,' but I really wanted to play poker with them. Apparently she had known that they were planning this, and had tried to keep me away from my house because she wanted the day to be about 'us.'"
"I was kinda pissed, even though she had spent a lot of time planning things for me and we had had fun at the escape room, so I comforted her for a bit, and went downstairs to play poker for the rest of the night."
"Now she and her friends are angry with me, because I 'abandoned' her when she was upset. AITA?"
Redditors agreed he was NTA (Not the A**hole) for wanting to celebrate his special day his way.
"NTA. What in the Kentucky Fried F**k is wrong with your girlfriend?? It doesn't sound like she can put your interests ahead of her own, on your birthday, or possibly ever." – egmono
"His birthday is not about her. His birthday is not dedicated to her and the sh*t she wants to plan, his friends are allowed to do things for him." – claustrofucked
The GF's proposal of a frigid rafting excursion got reevaluated.
"Plus the whole bit about rafting in the winter for fun?" – Logelirim
"Hypothermia, ice shards to the genitlels[sp] and the numbness that leaves you feeling that lovely kind of sleepy that will end in a hot chocolate with Jesus and waterproof mascara for the ladies of your household." – Dogsarefuckinggreat
"Who tf thinks floating on a raft in the middle of winter while it's raining sounds fun???" – Rozeline
Redditors also criticized her for inviting "mutual friends" instead of the birthday boy's close friends.
"So basically she planned his entire birthday around her. She didn't invite HIS actual friends to the escape room. She didn't invite HIS actual friends to the poorly planned rafting trip."
"When HIS actual friends wanted to do something for him she threw a fit because apparently HIS birthday was supposed to be about 'us.'"
"Notice how the common factor here is everything on HIS birthday was about her?" – NeverShouldComment
"It seems as if she doesn't like his friends and wants him to be friends with her friends. She's making a good case as to why she needs to become his ex girlfriend." – juniperfallshere
"And making his birthday about 'us' instead of what it's supposed to be about: him.
FFS, it's not Valentine's Day or their anniversary." – beatissima
"NTA there's something deeply wrong with the fact that she made a concerted effort to keep you away from your best friends. Let me guess those 'mutual friends' are more her friends than yours." – Jlindahl93
"There was lots of room for her to compromise with his friends too! Her effort is being stifled by how heavily she's trying to control HIS birthday. What a sh*tty situation."
"Btw, Happy Birthday OP!" – crayolainmybrain
Some tried to understand the GF's point of view and wondered if there was more to the story.
This user believed that the OP's friends making her feel excluded may have explained her reaction.
"From how he describes it and the conflict between her and the friends, I would bet that the poker night with 'the boys' that they planned for him not only excluded her from planning but from the event as well."
"I can't say I've ever been in a relationship where my SO's ideal birthday was one where I wasn't there but I would guess it's not a great feeling." – placeholder2169
"Yeah, this is exactly what I was thinking. His girlfriend probably feels like she's constantly coming second to 'his boyyyyys' (you know the boys) and she knew that if he knew the poker night was an option, he wouldn't say, 'Is gf invited? Why don't we do something as a group on my birthday and have a birthday poker night next weekend.' He'd say, 'Bye sweetie, you tried, but I did better and MY BOYYYYS came through!'"
"I was reading the story and something just seemed kinda off. Her plans were still social, I don't understand why everyone keeps saying she was trying to manipulate and isolate him."
"Sure, it's his birthday and she shouldn't have tried to keep him from his friends, but it honestly doesn't sound like OP's ideal birthday is a day with his GF and that's gotta sting."
"My ex was kind of like this, perfectly fine spending time with me until one of his friends hit him up. He doesn't sound like he tries to include her with 'the boysss' at all, and I honestly can't blame her too much cause it seems there's some underlying stuff in this whole relationship." – onyourleftboob
The OP provided some updates to clear things up.
"That last bit in the paragraph about my girlfriend's birthday was a failed attempt at humor. Looks like it was a bit hit or miss in the comments, but it was dumb of me to write that."
"My roommate let my friends in for poker. Big mystery solved."
"This happened around 10 PM (as I've stated in the comments). I tried to get my girlfriend to play poker with everyone but she refused."
"I guess I didn't say clearly, but I did talk about birthday plans with my girlfriend and asked that they be kept to a minimum."
Sometimes, birthdays without fanfare make the best presents.