an Oh Myyy Property

If you've ever had to manage people you'd know that employees have some wild excuses for why they can't come to work. Hopefully, though, you've never gotten a Snapchat of diarrhea, or have had workers show up after having been shot.

rickuk88 asked managers on Reddit: What's the best sick note excuse you've received?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.



So many questions.

Giphy

Guy didn't show up to work, called him multiple times. About 3 P.M.-ish he finally calls back. Goes "sorry about that but I think i might have left the country"

Dude got drunk, drove his car to the Czech Republic (about a two hour drive from Vienna, Austria, where we worked), knocked out his front tooth somehow and passed out in his car.

The whole thing was so funny, i had the selfie he took from the ER on my desk for a while.

vanityvicious

What kind of work?

wellsfargostillsucks

We worked at a call center

vanityvicious

Not even a bullet stopped this cook.

Had a cook call me from the hospital to tell me he was shot but would be in tomorrow. I said to get his rest and come back when he is ready. He showed up the next damn day with his leg all bandaged up, and while he couldn't really function, damn it he was there.

expresidentmasks

How inconvenient.

Giphy

Him: "I accidentally kicked my girlfriend in the eye last night while we were both sleeping on the couch. I had to take her to the ER."

Me: "The ER? Is she ok"

Him: (annoyed) Um, yeah sure.

bb8675309

Suspicious...

__Rick__Sanchez__

Testicular torsion can be deadly.

I know a guy from a hospital I used to work at who called in around day 3 at a new job. His excuse was that he was taking a sh*t and pushing really hard and "blew out one of his nuts".

That was exactly how he phrased it to the department manager, no euphemism. He actually did end up having testicular torsion and ended up coming in to work anyway to have it checked out.

MikeOxbigg

Hoohoooo maaaan that must be of been....ohhhh boy. Oh god no. Straining to squeeze out a steamer then BLAM your bollocks are twisted.

airwalkerdnbmusic

It can happen at any time. It's like being kicked in the balls constantly and it's lethal if it goes untreated.

RelativeCrab

Happened to my friend, ended up getting gangrenous and they took it out

Phranskepo

Nice try.

My fish drowned.

Wish I was joking, She didn't have her job the next week.

ErazerHeadz

#imwithher

Giphy

Not a manager, but a couple weeks ago i was at work. And we all suspected already that someone had diarrhea, because of the terrible smell just by walking by the toilet. It later was confirmed by the girl herself, yelling she had diarrhea as a valid reason to go home. So she did.

dutchgirl_24

It's gotta be pretty bad to be OK with screaming that in an office. Hope she's better.

thatlasstho

It wasn't even a office but a big warehouse of 2000 square meters...so it was pretty bad. But she got better, the next week she was proudly telling everyone that "she thought her butt was so pretty and nice."

dutchgirl_24

How professional.

Worked as a manager for a medium sized athletic facility, including a nice aquatics center. I was about 23 at the time, most of my life guards were 19-22 college kids from the school nearby. One guards "sick note" was just a horrifying Snapchat of explosive diarrhea. I gave him the day off, but the next staff meeting had a segment about appropriate communication between employees that I never imagined I would have to give.

Teh_swimmly

Anemia can actually be debilitating. 

Cashier at Taco Bell the other day kept openly complaining that her anemia was flaring up and she got to go. This is the same one who kept saying she got frost bite from having to sweep the parking lot when the temperature dropped from the 70's to the 50's a few weeks ago.

Tangboy60000

Brain freeze.

Giphy

Not a sick note per se but I had a staff member come back an hour late from a 15-minute break. When I asked her where she'd had been she told me she had to lay down for an hour because she ate an ice cream and her teeth hurt from the cold. I sent her home without pay for not coming to me first.

Elgre

These are legit.

Staff member had an issue with their smartphone which resulted in the loss of the contacts, calendar and any other reminders or notes that they had stored on the phone. Their job requires a lot of networking/phone use. They asked for a sick day to "get their life back together."

Another worker took a sick day once because she had started reorganizing her bedroom closet on our day off, and had severely underestimated the amount of time it would take to sort through and put everything back in the closet. "My apartment is in shambles and I can't come to work until it's cleaned up," she texted.

bookwormnj

Honestly I sympathize with both of these.

DukesOfTatooine

All the time tbh.

I once said "womans issues." I'm male.

Dazz316

I got 99 problems but a menstrual cycle ain't one.

TheBraveMagikarp

Nope, not gonna work.

Giphy

Someone I used to work with walked in with a "doctor's" note (her father is a nutritionist, I'm not mocking his area of study, but he is not qualified for the rest of this) explaining that she had broken her spine.

She walked in.

We told her that she was to remain on medical leave until she could produce a note clearing her to return to work from a doctor who is not her father. She brought in a note from a personal trainer. We let asked her not to return.

Loverboy21

To be fair, although her story does sound like bullshit, I was in a bad car accident a number of years ago and was ejected. After a guy helped pull me out of the bushes I was up and walking around until the ambulance came. I had 5 vertebrae with compression fractures. Adrenalin is a hell of a drug. Recovery consisted of wearing a plastic body brace. I was still up and walking around though.

premeditatedlasagna

She claimed it had happened three days prior, so we didn't entertain it for a second.

Also, I used to be an EMT, and I'm sure people have told you already, but holy shit are you lucky to walk after being the "walking dead" as we called them. Sometimes people stumble around with a broken neck after an accident, then sit down to become a quadriplegic when they shift their vertabrae.

Loverboy21

Yeah. I try not to think about that bit. It would have probably horrified you if you actually saw exactly how I sat down. It was pretty abrupt. The neurologist was amazed too. I had zero neurologic symptoms. Edit: in case you're curious it was T10, L1-4, and I also fractured my left occipital lobe. I didn't poop for a week cause my intestines were bruised up from the impact. Good times.

premeditatedasagna

Honesty can be the best policy.

Best serious: The ones where they are just honest about it. I don't need an elaborate story about some strange disease that wreaked havoc on your life for 24 hours. I am just happy to get a note to say say he was sick and now he's back.

Best non-serious: I once had a supervisor's mother-in-law write him a note asking to excuse him from work for a week so that he could get married (to her daughter) a few states away. In the note she wrote that he will be drunk and of no use to me or my business. It made me laugh and since I had already arranged his PTO for the time missed it was fine.

gentleman_bronco

This is fair. Totally fair.

I was assigned to read the Hunger Games SPOILER. And didnt sleep enough to because I was crying over Rue.

My English teacher told that was such a stupid excuse that she had to believe me.

TerracottaSoldier

When your schedule literally blows up.

Giphy

An intern did not show up because he said his car caught on fire. I believed him, but he still sent me a picture of the roaring inferno sitting on the highway.

Aelustelin

We're all self-conscious about something, and it doesn't help when our faults get thrown in our faces. You don't want doctors hinting that something is "weird down there," nor do you want someone to tell you you're balding. WE KNOW.

Keep reading... Show less
Fox News, @hewster1369/Twitter

A guest on Fox News is being roasted online after his unusual description of how one would get high on marijuana.

Keep reading... Show less

Hmmmm, I don't think THAT'S your essay....

Keep reading... Show less

When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

Giphy

Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

Giphy

Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

Giphy

I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

Giphy

My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

Giphy

My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

Giphy

I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

Kelly Sullivan/Getty Images

The internet has been dominated this week with talk of Sony and Disney splitting over their agreement to have Spider-man in Marvel's Cinematic Universe.

After Deadline reported that negotiations had broken down in the contract renewal, everyone has had hot takes on the situation.

Keep reading... Show less

Reddit user cuddlethrowawayy found himself in an awkward situation recently when his in-laws and wife chastised him for cuddling with his 15-year-old daughter while the family watched a movie.

On the famous subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" he told the entire story in a viral post entitled "AITA for telling my wife and in-laws to f*** off after they told me to stop cuddling my daughter?

Keep reading... Show less