People Describe The Dumbest Way They've Almost Died

I'm super afraid of death. I'm trying to figure out eternal life. Until then, I'm always aware. No falling toilets for me.

Stay Dry

"Swimming drunk in the ocean at night." ~ thr2k

That coulda been me!

"When I was a kid (maybe 4yo), the first time I won against my grandma in UNO I was so happy, I ran into the house screaming 'I WON!' (we played in the yard) - little me wasn't able to stop fast enough so I slammed right into a wooden frame-door with a big glass window. My whole face was cut open (luckily everything healed, all I am missing is a small piece of my nosetip and its not even visible if you don't know where to look)."

"The glass shattered in a star-shape around my head and one of the spikes from the remaining glass door missed my main artery for 0.5cm (0.19 inches). I almost killed myself by accident because I won against my grandma in UNO." ~ salem7753

Shelling at night...

"I went to Aavdiyvka in Eastern Ukraine with my brother. We wanted to make a film/photos about the situation in Donetsk but basically had no planning/training/fixer. We got in a car with a random Russian dude who took us to the village. Soldiers everywhere. Minefields everywhere. Shelling at night."

"There were many points when I thought my heart stopped/I nearly pooped myself. Also got our passports temporarily confiscated by Ukrainian soldiers who rightly assumed we didn't know what the fuck we were doing. This was back in 2018. 10/10 would not do that now." ~ Saynthewrongthings

Gagging

"I was drying off after taking a shower. For some reason I was using a Christmas themed towel that had been around a few years and had some loose threads throughout. I was drying off my face and I guess I inhaled through my mouth and one of the threads wrapped itself around my uvula. I just gagged on it and was able to very slowly pull it out, but it took a few seconds and I was starting to get dizzy."

"When it came out I was left with a very sore throat and was gasping for air. It is humbling to know that I could’ve easily been found naked, wet, and dead with a towel in my mouth. I now take a deep breath and hold it before bringing a towel to my face. I also frequently purchase new towels." ~ PeripheralVisionMan

Close Shave

"A boat ran over my head in a lake once. I saw the propeller go right past my face." ~ MyHeadGetsSalty

Drunk... that would be my downfall of stupidity, should it happen. I'm going dry.

Piggy

"As a kid I swallowed about 15 pennies because I was acting like a piggy bank." ~ odagled86

Lost Lake

"Swimming drunk in a frigid lake. I made it like 50 meters out to a floating dock and decided to hop on the dock and just lay there for a while. When I jumped back into the frigid water, the temperature and my drunken stupor caused me to sink like a stone. When I finally floated to the surface I was flailing and asking for help. My friends (one of which was a lifeguard) thought I was screwing around and didn't help me."

"I somehow managed to backstroke my way back to shore after what seemed like an eternity and proceeded to vomit my guts out. My lifeguard friend was drunk and stoned. also the lake was ironically named Lost Lake, every time i'm in town i retell the tale of how i almost lost my life in Lost Lake." ~ elmerjstud

Waterways...

"We have underground water storage tanks at the apartment block where I lived. Back when I was 8 or 9 I was playing with a football (soccer for all the Americans) that my friend brought in the heat of kicking the ball hard enough to send it flying to the other block i stepped back farther than necessary."

"Now being a stupid kid I thought running as fast as I can I could kick the ball to great distance. And so I ran, ran like the wind and in running super fast when it was time to kick my feet tangled leading me to fall on the water tank. Which was unlocked at that time (water bowsers were called to fill them that's why)."

"I went in half my body hanging 20ft above a dark space with what i was told 6ft of water in it. The security guard came running to help me. Sometimes I think what if he was not around and was assisting someone i wouldn't be here in bed sharing this with the world. Truly a hero in my eyes wherever he is now." ~ zambo0893

Off the Plank

"Stepping on an unsecured plank on a scaffold 10 stories up. When I stepped off of it. It teetered like a see saw. I damn near wet myself grabbing it so it wouldn’t tip over and fall. (10’ 2” plank would’ve been my end in construction if it fell or my life.) my boss was just pulling it into position and I misunderstood his instruction. F**k me that was scary moment." ~ Wizdad-1000

Flying

"A full grown tree flying towards me during a cyclone." ~ PirateKing802

Who eats pennies? Really? Good night. And watch out for cyclones. Check.

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