Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'
@ryanjreilly/Twitter

If you needed a reminder that our criminal justice system often treats people unequally, here you go.

Dimwitted Capitol rioter Douglas Jensen, who thought the U.S. Capitol was the White House, has been granted leniency by a U.S. District judge because of his, well, dimwittedness.


It seems that joining a murderous mob in trying to publicly hang the Vice President and Speaker of the House isn't that big a deal if you don't know your U.S. Capitol from your presidential residence. Then it's just an oopsie, apparently!

Jensen, a QAnon devotee and diehard supporter of former Republican President Donald Trump, was among the first rioters to breach the Capitol--which, just to reiterate, he thought was the White House. He was also part of the group who chased U.S. Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman through the building.

But U.S. District Judge Timothy J. Kelly didn't seem to feel that conduct held much weight. While he stressed that Jensen's actions were serious, he felt his danger to society could be mitigated by a simple home confinement due to his ignorance about the basic rudiments of the United States government.

In a moment that will surely live forever in infamy, Jensen videoed himself before storming the Capitol, touching his hands to the exterior wall of the U.S. Capitol while saying:

"This is me, touching the fu*king White House."

It was not, for the record. This was followed by another video, in which Jensen yelled:

"Storm the White House! That's what we do!"

nathan fillion castle GIFGiphy

According to Judge Kelly, Jensen's ignorance means he couldn't possibly have premeditated his actions on January 6 because he "had no basic understanding of where he even was."

Quick question: Who makes you want to bash your head against a wall until the sweet release of unconsciousness consumes you more, Mr. Jensen, or Judge Kelly?

Now to be fair, pretrial release is the standard procedure under federal law in all but the most gravely serious criminal cases. But that, of course, wasn't the stated reason Judge Kelly gave for his leniency with Jensen.

One could also argue that breaking into the seat of government with a murderous mob yelling for the execution of government officials is a pretty gravely serious crime, even if the person doing it is a dumb-dumb and got the address wrong. But maybe that's just

Anyway, here's a fun fact shared for absolutely no reason whatsoever: As of 2017 there were at least 75 people, most of whom are Black, serving life or de facto life prison sentences for non-violent crimes related to marijuana. Guess those people should have stormed the Capitol while being White and not knowing where they were, instead!

Anyway, if this story has you screaming into the night in boundless rage, you're not alone--many people on Twitter were outraged by Judge Kelly's nonsense.







Of course, many others couldn't help but roast Jensen for not being the sharpest tool in the shed.





Jensen will be under the care of his wife while he awaits his trial date.

More from People/donald-trump

Gavin Newsom; Kristi Noem
Brandon Bell/Getty Images; Alex Brandon-Pool/Getty Images

Gavin Newsom Just Epically Trolled Kristi Noem With A Fake 'Dog Obedience School' Ad

California Democratic Governor Gavin Newsom focused his trolling of the administration of MAGA Republican President Donald Trump on Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, creating a fake dog obedience school ad for the self-professed puppy killer.

In her 2024 memoir, No Going Back: The Truth on What's Wrong with Politics and How We Move America Forward, Noem bragged about shooting and killing her 14-month-old Wire-haired Pointer puppy named Cricket after she failed to train it properly and without trying to rehome the dog to a competent trainer or a hunting dog rescue.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshot of Donald Trump
Fox News

Trump Gives Pious Reminder That The Bible Says To Care For 'Vulnerable Children'—And The Hypocrisy Is Off The Charts

President Donald Trump was called out for hypocrisy after he said during the signing of an executive order expanding resources for the foster care system that the Bible instructs society to care for "vulnerable children and orphans"—only for people to point out that he had denied Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) benefits to hungry children just days before.

The loss of SNAP is a result of the Trump administration's failure to spend contingency funds to feed people on the program, a decision that is resulting in a nationwide hunger crisis impacting millions of families.

Keep ReadingShow less
Donald Trump; Thomas Massie
Robert Schmidt/Getty Images; Andrew Harnik/Getty Images

Conservatives Slam Trump After His Attack On GOP Rep's Marriage Is A Low Blow Even For Him

President Donald Trump has been married three times, but his hypocrisy escaped him entirely when he attacked Kentucky Republican Representative Thomas Massie for getting remarried last month following the death of his first wife in 2024—prompting his own party to call him out for going too far.

Last week, Massie announced he'd married his wife, Carolyn Grace Moffa, in late October. His first wife and "high school sweetheart," Rhonda Howard Massie, died in June 2024.

Keep ReadingShow less
Pete Hegseth
Patrick T. Fallon/Getty Images

Video Of Pete Hegseth Screwing 'Department Of War' Sign Onto Building Gets Brutally Mocked

Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth was widely mocked after the Department of Defense—or shall we say the self-proclaimed "Department of War"—debuted its new plaque by publishing a video showing Hegseth tightening the screws on the new plaque with the words "Department of War" at the Defense Department's River Entrance.

The Pentagon’s rapid response account shared the clip on X along with the following caption:

Keep ReadingShow less

People Explain The Dumbest Reasons They Had To Call 911

We've all made mistakes from time to time, and some of them have probably been pretty cringy and stupid.

But most of us can take comfort in the fact that we didn't do something so stupid that we had to call 9-1-1 to get us out of trouble.

Keep ReadingShow less