Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'
@ryanjreilly/Twitter
Make us preferred on Google

If you needed a reminder that our criminal justice system often treats people unequally, here you go.

Dimwitted Capitol rioter Douglas Jensen, who thought the U.S. Capitol was the White House, has been granted leniency by a U.S. District judge because of his, well, dimwittedness.


It seems that joining a murderous mob in trying to publicly hang the Vice President and Speaker of the House isn't that big a deal if you don't know your U.S. Capitol from your presidential residence. Then it's just an oopsie, apparently!

Jensen, a QAnon devotee and diehard supporter of former Republican President Donald Trump, was among the first rioters to breach the Capitol--which, just to reiterate, he thought was the White House. He was also part of the group who chased U.S. Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman through the building.

But U.S. District Judge Timothy J. Kelly didn't seem to feel that conduct held much weight. While he stressed that Jensen's actions were serious, he felt his danger to society could be mitigated by a simple home confinement due to his ignorance about the basic rudiments of the United States government.

In a moment that will surely live forever in infamy, Jensen videoed himself before storming the Capitol, touching his hands to the exterior wall of the U.S. Capitol while saying:

"This is me, touching the fu*king White House."

It was not, for the record. This was followed by another video, in which Jensen yelled:

"Storm the White House! That's what we do!"

nathan fillion castle GIFGiphy

According to Judge Kelly, Jensen's ignorance means he couldn't possibly have premeditated his actions on January 6 because he "had no basic understanding of where he even was."

Quick question: Who makes you want to bash your head against a wall until the sweet release of unconsciousness consumes you more, Mr. Jensen, or Judge Kelly?

Now to be fair, pretrial release is the standard procedure under federal law in all but the most gravely serious criminal cases. But that, of course, wasn't the stated reason Judge Kelly gave for his leniency with Jensen.

One could also argue that breaking into the seat of government with a murderous mob yelling for the execution of government officials is a pretty gravely serious crime, even if the person doing it is a dumb-dumb and got the address wrong. But maybe that's just

Anyway, here's a fun fact shared for absolutely no reason whatsoever: As of 2017 there were at least 75 people, most of whom are Black, serving life or de facto life prison sentences for non-violent crimes related to marijuana. Guess those people should have stormed the Capitol while being White and not knowing where they were, instead!

Anyway, if this story has you screaming into the night in boundless rage, you're not alone--many people on Twitter were outraged by Judge Kelly's nonsense.







Of course, many others couldn't help but roast Jensen for not being the sharpest tool in the shed.





Jensen will be under the care of his wife while he awaits his trial date.

More from People/donald-trump

Squirrel at baseball game
@JomboyMedia/X

MLB Umpire Forced To Talk To Crowd After Squirrel Completely Takes Over Game In Detroit In Hilarious Video

A very athletic squirrel brought new energy to a Detroit Tigers baseball game when it made a surprise appearance on the field.

In the bottom of the seventh inning, the squirrel appeared on the central diamond at Comerica Park, with multiple players making attempts at catching it. Baltimore Orioles outfielder Leody Taveras even managed to catch it in his glove before it made an impressive leap into the air and ran across the field.

Keep ReadingShow less
Rob Schneider
Josh Edelson/AFP via Getty Images

Rob Schneider Rages At Texas GOP For Allowing 'Islamic And Marxist Threat' To Infiltrate The State In Unhinged Rant

MAGA actor Rob Schneider was criticized after he condemned Texas Republicans for allowing what he referred to as an "Islamic and Marxist threat" to infiltrate the state.

Schneider, a notorious conspiracy theorist, published a thread on X titled "THE CONQUEST OF TEXAS" in which he alleged Republicans have allowed a hostile takeover.

Keep ReadingShow less
Screenshot of Donald Trump
@atrupar/X

Trump Offers Bizarre Reaction To Heckler Shouting 'Pedophile Protector' At Him During Rally

President Donald Trump was criticized after calling a heckler a "communist" after they shouted "pedophile protector" at him while he was speaking in Milford, Michigan, on Monday.

Trump was talking about "placing tariffs on foreign producers" when the heckler yelled "pedophile protector" at him multiple times. His followers attempted to drown out the heckler by chanting "USA! USA! USA!"

Keep ReadingShow less
Zanny Minton Beddoes; Elon Musk
The Economist

Elon Musk Dragged For Throwing Childish Tantrum After Interviewer Tells Him That Lots Of People 'Loathe' Him

Uh-oh, another mean journalist lady hurt poor wittle Elon Musk's feewings!

At this point, unless you are a very specific type of deeply weird far-right dudebro who's been lobotomized by X, pretty much everyone has a distaste for Elon Musk.

Keep ReadingShow less
Karoline Leavitt; Joe Biden
Fox News; Earl Gibson III/Deadline via Getty Images

Karoline Leavitt Just Tried To Blame Biden For The Affordability Crisis—And People Are Having None Of It

MAGA Republican President Donald Trump's White House Press Secretary, Karoline Leavitt, is back from maternity leave. For her first major performance, she appeared on Fox News to be interviewed by the POTUS's daughter-in-law Lara Trump.

While the interview was full of the usual misdirection, obfuscation, and blatant lies Leavitt is known for, one of her comments particularly set viewers off.

Keep ReadingShow less