Skip to content
Search AI Powered

Latest Stories

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'

Judge Shows Leniency To Clueless Capitol Rioter Who Thought He Was 'Storming The White House'
@ryanjreilly/Twitter

If you needed a reminder that our criminal justice system often treats people unequally, here you go.

Dimwitted Capitol rioter Douglas Jensen, who thought the U.S. Capitol was the White House, has been granted leniency by a U.S. District judge because of his, well, dimwittedness.


It seems that joining a murderous mob in trying to publicly hang the Vice President and Speaker of the House isn't that big a deal if you don't know your U.S. Capitol from your presidential residence. Then it's just an oopsie, apparently!

Jensen, a QAnon devotee and diehard supporter of former Republican President Donald Trump, was among the first rioters to breach the Capitol--which, just to reiterate, he thought was the White House. He was also part of the group who chased U.S. Capitol Police Officer Eugene Goodman through the building.

But U.S. District Judge Timothy J. Kelly didn't seem to feel that conduct held much weight. While he stressed that Jensen's actions were serious, he felt his danger to society could be mitigated by a simple home confinement due to his ignorance about the basic rudiments of the United States government.

In a moment that will surely live forever in infamy, Jensen videoed himself before storming the Capitol, touching his hands to the exterior wall of the U.S. Capitol while saying:

"This is me, touching the fu*king White House."

It was not, for the record. This was followed by another video, in which Jensen yelled:

"Storm the White House! That's what we do!"

nathan fillion castle GIFGiphy

According to Judge Kelly, Jensen's ignorance means he couldn't possibly have premeditated his actions on January 6 because he "had no basic understanding of where he even was."

Quick question: Who makes you want to bash your head against a wall until the sweet release of unconsciousness consumes you more, Mr. Jensen, or Judge Kelly?

Now to be fair, pretrial release is the standard procedure under federal law in all but the most gravely serious criminal cases. But that, of course, wasn't the stated reason Judge Kelly gave for his leniency with Jensen.

One could also argue that breaking into the seat of government with a murderous mob yelling for the execution of government officials is a pretty gravely serious crime, even if the person doing it is a dumb-dumb and got the address wrong. But maybe that's just

Anyway, here's a fun fact shared for absolutely no reason whatsoever: As of 2017 there were at least 75 people, most of whom are Black, serving life or de facto life prison sentences for non-violent crimes related to marijuana. Guess those people should have stormed the Capitol while being White and not knowing where they were, instead!

Anyway, if this story has you screaming into the night in boundless rage, you're not alone--many people on Twitter were outraged by Judge Kelly's nonsense.







Of course, many others couldn't help but roast Jensen for not being the sharpest tool in the shed.





Jensen will be under the care of his wife while he awaits his trial date.

More from People/donald-trump

screenshots of videos of RFK Jr. working out
@elxavipapi; @deniscepalacios/TikTok

RFK Jr. Got Roasted By Both People On Either Side Of Him After He Did A StairMaster Workout In Austin

MAGA Republican President Donald Trump's Health and Human Services (HHS) Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. recently visited Austin, Texas. The trip at the end of February was part of his "Take Back Your Health" tour.

During the trip, RFK Jr. spoke at a Make America Healthy Again (MAHA) "Eat Real Food" rally at the Brazos Center. He also visited Cunningham Elementary School to discuss the nutrition of their school food program, and ate at Terry Black's BBQ to promote his red meat-heavy dietary recommendations.

Keep ReadingShow less
Tony Gonzales
Ukrinform/NurPhoto via Getty Images

MAGA Rep. Ripped For Trying To Play The Victim After Admitting To Affair With Staffer Who Died By Suicide

Texas Republican Representative Tony Gonzales, a married father of six, admitted to having an affair with a staffer who later died by setting herself on fire, claiming in remarks to TMZ that he had "asked God to forgive me, which he has."

The House Ethics Committee announced Wednesday that it will open an investigation into Gonzales following findings from the Office of Congressional Conduct (OCC), a nonpartisan watchdog that concluded there is “substantial reason to believe” he engaged in a sexual relationship with a subordinate.

Keep ReadingShow less
President Donald Trump; Pokemon Pokopia
Roberto Schmidt/Getty Images/Pokemon Pokopia/Nintendo

Trump's White House Just Tried To Use A Pokémon Meme To Promote 'MAGA'—And The Internet Pounced

The White House is facing criticism after its social media team attempted to capitalize on a new meme from the game PokĂŠmon Pokopia to promote President Donald Trump's "Make America Great Again" slogan, prompting almost immediate backlash from fans.

Pokemon Pokotopia was released on Thursday to stellar reviews, and it appears to already be a massive hit with fans.

Keep ReadingShow less
A split screen featuring one picture of William Rath in his car with a text overlay, and another picture of William Rath overlayed over a crocodile pit.
@william.rath/TikTok

Former Disney Safari Driver Reveals Grim Reason Staff Are Trained To Drive Off If Someone Falls Into Crocodile Pit

Ever since Walt Disney World opened its fourth gate, Disney's Animal Kingdom, in 1998, one of the most beloved attractions is the Kilimanjaro Safaris.

Indeed, if there's anything more magical than riding a flying pirate ship to Neverland, or joining the Guardians of the Galaxy on a Cosmic Rewind, it's roaming through an impressive African plain and seeing real zebras, elephants, lions and many other animals roaming freely.

Keep ReadingShow less
Jared Moskowitz; Screenshots of Donald Trump and Kristi Noem from "Apprentice" edit
Heather Diehl/Getty Images; @JaredEMoskowitz/X

Dem Rep. Shares Perfectly Edited Clip From 'The Apprentice' After Trump Fires Kristi Noem

Florida Democratic Representative Jared Moskowitz joined his fellow Democrats in mocking Kristi Noem after President Donald Trump announced he will replace Kristi Noem as Homeland Security Secretary with Oklahoma Republican Representative Markwayne Mullin—by posting a perfectly edited clip from The Apprentice.

Trump said Noem will instead take on the role of Special Envoy to the Shield of the Americas, a newly-created organization intended to foster a right-wing alliance across South America.

Keep ReadingShow less