Love is a many-splendored thing... until it's not.
Not all love stories have a happy ending.
Some stories are epic failures.
And most of the time, the people in the relationship don't see it until it's too late.
But everyone else who has had a front row seat to the show could've told the end was near a long time ago.
It's awkward to tell a couple that they should probably part ways.
You can't make people see things they don't want to.
The signs are always there, usually loud and on fire.
Redditor Junior_Hearing_88 wanted everyone to talk about the ways everyone else can see the end of a love story before the main characters, so they asked:
"What are the signs a relationship is over, even if the couple hasn’t broken up?"
The Fading...
"When the silence feels heavier than the fights. When you stop trying to explain or fix stuff. When the little things you used to love just don’t hit anymore. It’s not always some big breakup moment, sometimes it’s just that slow quiet fade where both of you kinda already left, just ain’t said it yet."
- Big_Expression_9457
Sad Break Up GIF by Ordinary Frends Giphy
Already Gone
"For me, after eleven years of marriage, it wasn't one big moment that told me it was over. It was the little things that added up. For example, you stop reaching for their hand without thinking. The conversations turn short and practical. You start spending more time in separate rooms. When you argue, it feels like a routine, not something you want to fix."
"You still care, but you stop putting in the effort. You start feeling more alone when they’re in the room than when they’re not. The good memories feel like someone else’s life. And when something important happens, you tell a friend before you tell them. That’s when you know. You’re still married, but the relationship is already gone."
- Zealousideal_Land_30
Where to begin...
"When you start imagining life without them, and it actually feels like a relief."
"When their jokes stop being funny."
"When you both have a bunch of little secrets."
"When you just want to spend your days off alone to relax."
"When you see something funny and don’t feel like sharing it with them first."
- Sudden_Enthusiasm547
Over It
"When you feel something’s very off, but keep avoiding the potential conflicting conversations out of fear that it could lead to a breakup. Perhaps you're the one who doesn't want to break up, or you just don't have the energy to deal with it at that moment."
- general_wondering
"She did this with me. I just wish she had told me when she first seriously thought about breaking up. By the time she broke up with me, in her head, it had already been over."
- yogravy
Vibeless
"When the vibe shifts from 'us' to 'me and you.'"
- Separate-Simple-5101
"This. I had a relationship where I couldn’t get my gf to accept that there was a concept of 'us' that’s above me/you. She just thought I wanted us because I was lonely. She couldn’t understand building a life together. Sadly, from what I’ve seen, this is not specific to romantic relationships for these people; it’s a perspective for everything (parents, friends, children, etc). They never get truly close to anyone."
- lostsoul8282
Resolution
"When you stop arguing because you don’t care, not because you’re resolved."
- greenanimetrumpetcar
so what who cares tv show GIF Giphy
Investigations
"Lack of trust. As soon as they start searching through phones and emails, it's over imo."
- ZionOrion
"That ain't nothing. I knew a couple that he had such an issue cheating that they had trackers on each other's phones and she installed a doorbell cam on his front door(she did not live there), AND put a camera in his room that he knew about and let her. They're still off and on years later, doing the same crap. At least now he has the decency to break up with her right before he hooks up with someone else, and then after the fling is done, they get back together."
- BananaRaptor1738
You Failed
"When you start mentally and privately 'testing' each other. I knew, in my heart, my most recent relationship was over when I made a mental note to silently test him to see how long it took before he suggested we see each other. A functioning, happy relationship doesn’t require that."
"ETA: also having sex rather than fixing the problems causes that keep the peace for a while and is easier than getting to the root of the issue."
- cloudcxrdie_
Tagging Fatigue
"Lots and lots of over-the-top social media posts about how amazingly in love they are."
- O2L
"I've known so many couples that argue/fight and/or cheat on each other. The way they talk and treat each other is so toxic and unhealthy, they'll have a verbal throwdown where the woman is making plans to leave or talking about it. Then I get on FB shortly after witnessing it first hand, and there's a post tagging the partner talking about how they're the best thing to ever happen to them and how lucky and in love they are. It is a tale as old as time."
- BananaRaptor1738
Venom
"The relationship is over when there's contempt. 'Did you take out the garbage?' - 'Not yet.' - 'Why not? You're so f**king lazy!' Wouldn't let me explain, I was busy with our son, who was throwing up all afternoon. Once one person starts automatically interpreting everything negatively, the other person withdraws, and the relationship withers. If you can't trust the other person to keep you safe and comfortable, you don't even have a relationship, really."
- GuidedbyFishes
BEWARE!!!
"Eye rolling suggests such a deep-seated resentment. Beware the eye roll."
- mundanetiddy
Iron Man Eye Roll GIF Giphy
Hello? You still there?
"From my POV as a guy, girls start becoming more distant. Slowly stop responding to messages, making excuses when y'all wanna hang out, etc."
- Jaybirdlordofskies
"Problem is, it's very much a lose-lose situation already at this point, even if you have no idea why they have become distant (which can make you even more confused). You try to do something and close the distance, then you're 'clingy'. You give her space/don't contact her first, and often they just assume you don't care either, so it still gets worse."
- CPDjack
HOWEVER...
I am divorced... Married for 10 years, my ex-wife had been cheating on me, much to my surprise. HOWEVER, in that last year... I realize now how many times I found myself thinking about what I would do differently in my next marriage or relationship. I had no PLANS to divorce my wife, but I think I just kind of thought she'd never cheat, but still thought we were circling the drain."
- wlane13
Too much to bear...
"When it is one person carrying the load the entire time. whether that be emotional, intellectual, or monetary. (I'm not saying SAH are a load, they do things to hold the budget and keep costs down, as well as work at home, which makes things cost less.) When one person is responsible for both people's happiness, it becomes too much to bear."
- That_Ol_Cat
In Public
"They start arguing in front of other people. "
"They don't care to hide it anymore."
"At that point, the resentment means it's over."
- cloistered_around
Angry Fight GIF by Bombay Softwares Giphy
Sometimes it's just over.
Not all love stories last forever.
I think the key to letting go of love is being ok with loneliness.
Just because one love story ends doesn't mean another is somewhere down the line.
Staying in an unhealthy relationship helps no one.
Read the signs, people.
They are usually flashing in neon.
I can speak from experience, fighting in public is a BIG red flag.
I'm just sayin'.
