One thing you can always count on with weddings is that there will always be some kind of drama. Usually, the drama is between a bride and her bridesmaids, or in-laws-to-be that don't get along, but a recent story on Reddit poses a wedding crisis that is quite a conundrum.
What do you do when one of your nearest and dearest is blind but you're severely allergic to her guide dog?
A woman posed this question in the AITA (Am I The As*hole) subReddit, a place where people can pose their quandaries to internet strangers, who then apportion the blame according to one of the following categories:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
"AITA for not allowing my friend to bring her service animal (guide dog) to my wedding?"
"I (28f) will be getting married in September. I have a blind friend who mostly relies on her guide dog. The dog obviously has access rights to all places."
"Now I am in a sticky situation and I can sense that I will be TA. I have three chronic illnesses that I take 23 pills a day for, severe asthma and you guessed it, an extremely severe dog allergy."
"Usually when I meet with my friend we meet in the open and I take two allergy pills. However, because of all the other medication I take these pills make me extremely drowsy to the point where I am officially not allowed to drive and I usually crash as soon as I get home from our get togethers."
"Our wedding will be very intimate, i.e. we will be in relatively small rooms. I feel horrible about this but I don't think I can let my friend bring her dog. It just wouldn't work."
"I talked about it with my fiance and some friends. Finally, I talked to my friend about it, explained the situation and said I would love her to come but she can't bring her dog. I said that four of our mutual friends had offered to "be on a roster" and assist her should she need it."
"Alternatively, if she is not comfortable with this she could bring a person of her choosing to the wedding or I'd pay for a professional aid for the day. I think it is important to note that her dog is not for any additional issues like seizures or anything like that."
"Unfortunately, she was less than happy with my suggestions. She accused me of being ableist and thinking her disability can be switched off for the day."
"I understand what I asked was a lot and it is a difficult topic. I told her to tell me if she changes her mind and I'd be happy to make arrangements. But I won't budge."
As you might guess, this particular story drew a wide range of reactions from OP's fellow Redditors.
Many felt this was a "No A*sholes Here" situation that was just kind of a no-win for all involved.
"NAH. I was so ready to label you an AH after reading the title, but I think you have extenuating circumstances for not wanting a service dog (or any dog) at your wedding."
"I can also understand why your friend would be upset. This probably isn't the first time someone has tried to stop her from bringing her service dog somewhere." --Texasworld
"I feel the same way. OP may have to just accept the fact that their friend won't attend without their dog, and so won't be able to attend the wedding." --koinu-chan_love
"Agree completely, I was thinking "no way she isn't TA" but I think a severe allergy is pretty legit unless the dog is a hypoallergenic type breed (which even then isn't foolproof)." --whitethrowblanket
But far more people seemed to feel that the OP's friend's rigid refusal to compromise put her in the wrong.
"I disagree with this. I call the friend an as*hole for giving OP this much pushback. OP put real thought into finding options that would accommodate her and be functional for both of them. The friend should have more consideration for how OP's allergy has been affecting her." --MyDramaticPersona
"But it's not like OP hasn't tried to accomodate [sic] in many different ways. OP's friend is just being thickheaded and unreasonable."
"OP didn't just say don't bring your dog, but explained why and offered alternatives."
"OP's friend is definitely the AH here" --MaxusBE
"OP's friend seems like a lot of an AH, not willing to compromise and then calling OP ableist. I can get not being comfortable using a person as a guide, but at that point she could of just said 'Its not gonna work I won't be able to attend without my guide dog.'"
"Just because she is blind doesn't mean she can't be an as*hole." --IcyChildhood1
"At first I was more NAH, but the more I think about it the more it's just NTA. It's not like they will be alone. OP has offered to buy her professional help. This allergy could also be counted as a disability so the friend is just being hypocritical, inconsiderate and ableist." --MorbiusBelerophon
"She was entitled to being upset, but not to levying charges of discrimination. That made her an as*hole. I'm sorry, but severe allergy trumps can't see; one closed airways, one means you need someone to lead you around in place of your dog." --SelfprofessedAs*hole
"I can also understand to an extent why the friend or any person with a guide dog would be upset normally, but given the circumstances her friend is in and the sacrifices she regularly makes, AND the very thoughtful and thorough suggestions she's made, I don't think she has a leg to stand on here. Add on that she's accusing her friend of being ableist when OP has offered many options to aide her, she's TA and OP is NTA." --casicapa22
"The ableist accusation is pushing it though. The friend should know that OP can't backbench her own health on her wedding day. Expecting something like that is beyond reasonable. Imo that makes the friend TA." --ProbeerNB
The bride wasn't kidding when she called this a "sticky situation," was she? It's a good thing we have the good people of Reddit to help us solve these conundrums.