When people begin a relationship, they probably won't be coming with identical life experiences. This includes their sexual histories.
A 19-year-old woman is having trouble with her 21-year-old boyfriend because she has more experience than him. So she turned to Reddit for relationship advice.
Redditor ThrowRa_myfeelings posted:
"My boyfriend wants to have sex with another girl because he says he needs more 'experience'."
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Me and my bf have been together for almost 2 years. I was his first when it came to sex and he was my second."
"He says he 'needs' more experience with sex and wants to have sex with another girl. I'm hurt, but he says he doesn't want to hurt me but that he's going to do it."
"He wants to break up with me and then get back together once he experiences another girl. I've expressed to him how selfish this is, but he says he loves me and he just needs more experience with sex."
"I think he has an unrealistic view on sex. He views it as he must get 'even' with me."
"What do I do? If we do break up and he has sex with another girl, should I take him back? I don't want to break up with him because I love him, but I also don't want to get hurt."
Redditors panned the idea completely.
"He is literally just trying to justify having sex with another woman. Let him go. Seriously. The world is full of better men than that." ~ Katiebc03
"I'd tell him go right ahead. Just don't expect to come back to me." ~ Silvergirl7
"Meanwhile, daughter fairly quickly found another man, much to boyfriend's astonishment and fury."
"It's been years since she last saw him, but she still occasionally gets drunk texts from him, telling her she is the one that got away, his greatest regret, etc... She never responds." ~ ArumtheLily
"Your boyfriend wants to have sex with other people. He thinks breaking up and having sex with other people is a free pass and the entire discussion shouldn't have any bearing on how you feel because you're not allowed to have feelings on the subject."
"He believes he should do what he wants and you should just wait for him to do whatever. He's 21."
"I can pretty much promise you he's got unrealistic views on sex. He's also got unrealistic views on relationship dynamics."
"In your adult relationships, you want a partner who considers your feelings and cares about them. Nothing in this situation says 'your boyfriend has thought about how his words or future actions will make you feel'."
"When you're in a healthy relationship, your happiness should be one of your partner's priorities. Your partner is concerned about his happiness and isn't concerned with yours."
"Not only is he unconcerned, he expects to be able to do what he wants and have you just accept it and him when he's finished having sex with whomever will let him. You do not owe him your time or your future."
"Now, relationships aren't always 50/50. Sometimes one partner or the other has to carry more of the relationship."
"During this time, though, both partners are equally invested in the success of the relationship and want it to succeed. If you realize you're not fully invested in a relationship for whatever reason, break up."
"Don't string the other person along. Its the height of vanity to think another person should sit pining for you or be waiting for you when they get back."
"Your boyfriend isn't fully invested. He doesn't love you as much as you love him. He wants you to be his backup relationship while he goes out and sows his oats and wants you pining and waiting for him."
"Because while relationships include thinking about the other person, you need to make sure you're not so invested in someone else you let yourself get taken advantage of." ~ xtlou
The OP returned with an update:
"We had a talk and he said he was insecure that I had another guy before him. He said sometimes when we're intimate, he thinks about the other guy and gets mad."
"He wants to be on the same level as me in regards of sexual partners. I've tried to consider letting him have a one night stand, but it just hurts too much."
"And if he had sex with someone else, I'd feel insecure and I'd feel guilty for staying with him. He says he won't do it if I'm not comfortable with it."
"He apologized. I honestly feel so drained and a part of me just wants to give up on the relationship because I feel guilty."
"But I think I'm just going to move out of his place and be on a break. I just feel so guilty and drained that I hurt him."