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Another day, another case of white people needlessly calling the cops... on humpback whales.
Yes, you read that right and no, this isn't a joke.
Fun fact! Bodies of water are places where animals who live in water exist! It's a thing, and a perfectly natural one, and one that people often spend thousands of dollars to witness via, say, a cruise ship to Alaska or whatever.
But one of the coolest things about living along the Pacific coast is that you can see majestic creatures like dolphins and whales right in your own figurative backyard. A few years ago, a friend and I were just lying on a beach in Malibu gossiping about Real Housewives when an entire school (or whatever the collective noun is) of whales and dolphins showed up out of nowhere close enough to the beach that we could've walked out into the surf and touched them. It was incredible! Nature, am I right?!
But for a certain Seattle woman, that would have been cause for calling in the National Guard. These folks were recently out on a boat in Puget Sound--you know, an open body of water where aquatic life resides--when a group of humpback whales showed up to investigate their craft. The whales were close enough that the family could have touched them, and one man was suitably elated and awestruck. It's a pretty incredible, once-in-a-lifetime experience!
But one woman on the boat was simply not having it, and began melting down as if the whales had broken into her home and were holding her at gunpoint. And like, okay, sure, it's probably a bit unnerving to be that up close and personal to something so powerful and huge. So panic away. Fine.
But then she calls 911.
On some whales.
Folks who enjoy laughs at others' expense should really get a kick out of the fact that, seemingly through tears, the woman moans, "Stupid whales, they're going to kill us!" and then I died of laughter (my ghost is typing this).
Naturally, the internet is having an absolute field day with the woman I've dubbed Whalewatching Wendy (in the grand tradition of Permit Patty and BBQ Becky before her).
Many couldn't help but point out that, you know, large bodies of water are kind of whales' thing:
While others were incensed by Whalewatching Wendy's obvious bias:
And others countered that the whales were obviously up to no good!
At one point, Whalewatching Wendy tells the 911 dispatcher that she wants to let authorities know their location in case one of the whales causes their boat to capsize, which, in all fairness, is reasonable enough.
But that doesn't make the video any less hilarious.
Anyway, be careful out there. Our waterways are positively FULL of aquatic life just, you know, being menacingly alive or whatever! You can't be too cautious!