We all have our own moral compass that we have to follow. Each of us has to answer the question of how much we're willing to overlook, what we feel is justified, and what is truly right.
One man shared how he realized he and his wife's compasses are misaligned on the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit after his wife compromised his sister's job.
The Original Poster (OP) "LostinLies1," stated to the sub:
"AITA - Wife got my sister fired."
The OP and his wife view the role of a formal education differently.
"I am currently fighting with my wife."
"She has a high position at a University. She's has her PHD and has little respect for people who don't have an education."
"My sister is the same age as my wife, and she is also very successful. Probably a bit more than my wife. She doesn't have the education my wife does, but she has managed to be successful."
"[She] does lie on her resume saying she has a BA degree."
"Recently, my sister was hired as a big wig for a company in NYC. My wife was so angry when she heard about it. She said that my sister was a liar and a fraud and that she should never have been given the job."
The OP's wife's feelings about a formal education came to a head shortly after the OP's sister was offered this job.
"Flash forward 2 weeks. My sister calls me to tell me that she was let go because someone called the office to let them know that she did not have a BA degree."
"When I brought this up to my wife she admitted that she did in fact call my sister's job and let them know."
"I was stunned with this news. My sister is responsible for taking care of our sick mother, and she is an incredible person. She has worked over 2 decades in her field and she has been very successful. I'm aware that she should not lie on her resume, but the company hired her after a background check, and at the end of the day, wtf cares?"
"I had a huge fight with my wife about butting into my sisters business. I pointed out that she herself has lied about her experience at times, and that she should have stayed out of it."
Since the OP's sister lost her job, the family has struggled to stay afloat.
"Now my sister is unemployed and I have no idea how she is going to pay for our mother's nursing home fees. I have little money and my wife certainly isn't going to help."
"This decision by my wife is causing unbelievable ripples in our family. My sister helps pay for our nieces college, she's paid for our other sisters medical care after major surgery, and she's also helped me out by paying for my rehab 3 years ago when my insurance wouldn't cover the full 30 days. She also donates 10% of her income to St. Jude's children's hospital."
"She's a good person who wasn't able to afford college."
The OP's wife refuses to see where she could have gone wrong in her meddling.
"My wife is livid with me for being angry with her. She says that I should support her and understand that this is a major issue for her; people lying about degrees, etc. and that it's my sister's fault for lying...and that maybe now she'll get a job that she's actually qualified for."
"I have not told my sister that my wife got her fired, and my wife has threatened to leave me if I tell her."
Now the OP wonders what he should do: stay silent or report.
"AITA for being angry at my wife for doing this to my sister?"
"AITA for not telling my sister how this happened?"
Fellow Redditors responded to the OP's inquiries anonymously, rating them on the following scale:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
One Redditor pointed out the wife's hypocritical behavior in exposing the OP's sister's missing degree.
"Ok so it was totally wrong of your sister to lie about having her BA but unless it is a profession where people's lives or livelihoods are at risk than i don't see it as one of the seven deadly sins. Your wife though just sounds like an awful person AND she herself has lied about her experience before ... ugh. People in glass houses should not throw stones."
"As for your relationship, I think you need to take a long hard look at the person she is. This particular hill she has chosen to die on (for the principle of it) has actually caused you and the people you love increased hardship. As with any of these stories, I am sure there is more to it than this."
"That she is mad at you for not standing by her is full on priceless."
"You are NTA." - LeeAllen3
Other Redditors agreed and focused on the wife's potential motivations for her actions.
"It also sounds like the wife is jealous of the sister 's level of success. I mean she wants to justify her PHD by tearing others down who took a different life path to success."
"OP's wife is absolutely mental.... seriously."
"OP, tell your sister. She needs your support. Your wife needs to not be shielded from the consequences of her actions."
"If your wife feels so threatened by your sister that she will tear her down, so what do you think is gonna happen when your wife feels threatened by you when you become successful?"
"You are better off without someone so jealous and bitter. NTA" - krysnur21
"Also the wife is just straight up a snob and elitist. F**k that noise."
"Should the sister have lied? No. At this point in her career she probably could've started leaving off the 'degree' on her resume and people would just assume she had one with 20+ years experience."
"But the wife needs to get over herself. Post-graduate education is all fine and dandy but it does not make you better or smarter than anyone else. It just means you're stubborn and a bit of a masochist."
"I should know. I have a PhD." - br_612
Some saw no solution for the OP but to leave his wife after this.
"I think this relationship is f**ked as it is."
"OP will either need to lie and cover for his wife forever (and bear the guilt and/or be f**ked if the lie is discovered) or he tells the truth and his wife is a pariah. Or they divorce."
"And that's ignoring the other family members that are getting f**ked by this (Mom, Niece)."
"Can't see a happy family for this going forward." - Ruval
"NTA. If your wife threatens to leave you for telling others about her actions, that's a pretty good indication that she's TA. Also she's a giant a**hole for throwing around divorce as a means to manipulate your behaviour. She'd rather divorce you than own up and feel embarrassed by her s**tty actions, which speaks volumes about her."
"Sorry, man." - WeaponisedApologies
One Redditor pointed out specifically that the OP needs to talk to his sister.
"NTA for being angry at your wife, but you YWBTA if you don't tell your sister and stay with a horrible woman who treats others like that. One lied about a degree, but from what you've written is a very kind woman who gives back to her family and the community regularly. The other is a jealous harpy who couldn't stand someone without a degree doing well in life because it brought up her own insecurities." - mkacz001
After receiving all these comments, the OP will need to decide which path he should take: to stay silent and stand with his wife's priorities or explore the situation with his sister and see what's best to do for the family.
According to these Redditors, it's clear a secure family is more important than a perfect resumé.