Being a waiter can be grueling. The customers can be ridiculous, management can be insane, and the shifts can last FOREVER. But guess what, you can people watch and hear some of the craziest stuff you've heard in your life. Customers say whatever the hell they want and they don't care who hears... so it shouldn't surprise you that waiters learn everything.
People shared their stories after Redditor HeyHey1211 asked the online community,
"Waiters of Reddit, what intense conversations have you awkwardly unintentionally interrupted?"
"Nearly 20 years ago..."
"Nearly 20 years ago I heard a customer say "and she had to poop in a bowl" the conversation ended when I approached the table."
Oh dear. So... did it happen? Hopefully not.
"One of my first jobs..."
"One of my first jobs as a server, working a lunch shift years ago. Husband and wife come in and sit down, already in a bad mood and fighting. This goes on for about ten minutes before I finally say f*** it, I have to greet them and get started.
I walk up to the table as they stare silently at each other in rage (my opening) and as I open my mouth to greet them the wife just spits out "I want a divorce."
That is awkward. And also juicy. Would make a great movie soon.
"I went to take an order..."
"I went to take an order at a table with two teenage girls (probably 16-17?). As I walked up to them one of them was showing the other a peen pic and she panicked and dropped the phone when she saw me."
"I went to the very end of my bar..."
"I went to the very end of my bar but I can hear this guy discussing that something was going on with his wife's vagina. Odor, pain, weird discharge. His friend said you should have her have that checked out. The guy said well then she will know.
Guy looked at me and had the audacity to ask me to leave my bar. Uh no. That's where I'm supposed to be and where else do I go...stand in the middle of the room? It's not a big place. So he starts whispering the rest to the guy's ear.
To think you're the only cheating guy who gave his wife some STI that has sat here discussing with friends. This happens a lot. My clientele is usually men here for conventions."
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Sometimes shelling out the extra cash for better quality is totally worth it. It can cost money to keep replacing cheaper items repeatedly. But some items ar..."I once waited on a table..."
"I once waited on a table of a father explaining to his two young children that he was going to prison and their grandmother would be taking care of them. They were the only table and I was the only staff, pretended to clean bar glasses whilst eavesdropping on his desperate attempts to lighten the mood. Paid a small check with a c-note and didn't want change though, whatever he did couldn't have been that bad."
That's sad, though. The kids must have been so hurt. Hopefully he didn't have to go away for too long.
"In the ensuing..."
"Working as a host when I was a teen, I overheard a mother explain to her young daughter (maybe 6-7) why she would need to pull some of her hair out to get dinner for free. And no, this was not someone acting in desperation because they couldn't afford food.
In the ensuing fake disgust and rampage aimed at my manager, the highlight of my night was watching him try to keep a straight face while explaining to her that no one in our kitchen staff happened to have long curly blonde hair."
That's awkward. And what the hell is wrong with people.
"She wrote a nasty note..."
"I remember some woman who was usually high maintenance came into a restaurant I worked at. She had her older mother with her. They were clearly upset. I overheard them talking about death. I served them for over 2 hours.
She wrote a nasty note about how I was rude to them to my manager and I almost got written up. It was just an example of how people will take their emotions out on you. She said I had rushed them. I did not. I didn't even care at the time since it was slow and I was working way past the lunchtime they came in. It was one of those moments where when the manager asked me about it shocked me and came out of left field."
"How many..."
"How many "I'm sorry I cheated on you with..." and "he/she isn't yours..." and "I want a divorce..." conversations I've awkwardly interrupted and had to step away from, is truly amazing to me."
Can you get a count? Yeah... you can't. It's impossible.
"My wife and I..."
"My wife and I are both waiters. Yesterday she had an 8-top with 4 couples. The men were on one side the women on the other. She dropped off the checks on the women's side as they were in the process of discovering that all of their daughters sell feet pics and make more than their husbands do."
Be careful what you say in restaurants... waiters hear everything. They won't judge you, but trust... they have supersonic ears.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us more in the comments below!
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