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Relationship Expert Sparks Debate With Tip For How To 'Stop An Argument In Its Tracks'

Therapist Lauren Consul shared her tip for avoiding escalating an argument with your partner in a viral TikTok.

TherapyLauren LMFT, JD on TikTok discussing relationship conversation advice

Now with the holiday season in full swing, feelings of excitement are going to be on the rise, but so are feelings of stress.

For those of us in a relationship, it can be easy to forget that our partner is not the enemy during these stressful periods, but someone we should try to stay connected to.

But with stress being what it is, and present, travel and meal planning being as expensive as they are around this time of year, it can be easy to forget ourselves and slip into an argument.

That's why TherapyLauren, or @laurenconsul on TikTok, offered a question she believes can stop any escalating argument in its tracks.

TherapyLauren explained:

"The next time you and your partner are talking and your partner becomes defensive, I want you to do this: Pause, and say, 'I want to understand what happened there. What did you hear me say?'"

The TikToker went on to explain why this was such a useful question:

"This question is key because it does one of two things."
"First, it can allow for clarification. A lot of times when we've become defensive, we've interpreted something our partner has said incorrectly, we've run it through a filter, we've told ourselves a story about it, it's triggered something... So we're not actually hearing what our partner says, and it allows for clarification."
"The second thing, if your partner did interpret what you said correctly, it gives you an opportunity to slow things down and understand what is happening for them and address the underlying issue, rather than get caught in a spiral of defensiveness."

You can watch the video here:


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While it seems like pretty sound advice to slow down and check in during a heated argument, not all of TikTok was convinced that this method would work for them.






Fortunately, there were some TikTokers who saw the value in this approach or at least wanted to try it out.





Relationships are still a lot of hard work, even during what is supposed to be the most magical time of the year.

It seems some of the people in the comments will be trying this tip out the next time they have an argument with their partner and potentially avoid some harmed feelings.

But like any relationship advice, there will always be some people who aren't convinced that it could work for them or the dynamics of their relationship.