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Teen Asks If She's In The Wrong For Telling Her Irresponsible Mom That She's The Reason She Doesn't Want Kids

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There are dozens of sayings out there about the importance of treating others with kindness, especially if someone expects to receive it themselves.

If they are a mother, they should get ready for some honest feedback from their children if they find themselves consistently being unkind.


For one teen, she finally found herself speaking out against her mother's behavior after she tried to put her motherly responsibilities on her child and then take the credit for it.

Reddit user "DanyDevitoismymom" posted on the "Am I the A$$hole?" subReddit, asking if she had behaved like a jerk when she finally called out her mother's true character... in front of their family.

The teen provided some context upfront, regarding her living situation.

"Just for context, im a 17 female and live with my mom and my half sister (shes 7) (My dad has been out of the picture since I was born) My mom was 17 when she got pregnant with me."

She has struggled with medical issues that may impact her ability to become a mother, if she were to decide that's what she wanted.

"I got my period pretty late. I was 15 to be exact. And they were awful from day 1. At one point I literally couldn't move so my mom brought me to the doctor and I was told I have endometriosis (at the wonderful age of 15!) and that it would be extremely hard and nearly impossible for me to have kids biologically. Kind of sucked but I accepted it."

Despite having medical concerns that are reason enough to not have children in the future, the teen confided that there are bigger reasons why she doesn't want to become a mother.

"But now that im 17 and kind of basically raised my sister, I realize that I dont want kids. Its exhausting and a lot of work and she isnt even my child. (my mom is kind of irresponsible and would leave me to look after my sister and go out with friends and come home late. I have to miss classes to take my sister to school, etc. When my sister and I go out in public together, people think Im a teen mom. I hold nothing against my sister. I love her dearly.)"
"So I am deadset on not wanting kids. Like I said I basically raised my 7 year old sister during my teen years and still am. And still will be."

It's valid that she feels this way, but her reason for reaching out to Reddit arose during a family gathering.

"A bit of family came to visit and when they do, my mom puts up this 'im a great mom' image which is bs. My cousin(f22), her husband(23), and their newborn come too. We're all gushing over how cute he is, etc."

Of course, with a baby in the room, there has to be that one person who asks when the teen would like to have kids.

"And my grandma makes a comment about how exciting it'll be when I have a kid too one day which I then say 'Oh, i dont want kids.''
"And she says 'You say that. Im sure you will eventually.'"
"But i dont, so I say 'No, I wont.'"
And she says 'Again, your young, that will change.'"
"And I said 'Considering I basically raised Ella (sister), I really don't want kids.'"

Her mother wasn't happy to hear this come out, especially at the party.

"My mom looks like shes gonna kill me and we get into a screaming match and I basically tell her to her face that shes the reason I dont want kids. That because im already raising a kid, that isn't mine, I dont want kids. (My sister isnt in the room, shes in the basement with the younger cousins) Everyone looks confused and shocked and my mom tells me to go my room."

Though the argument was on-pause, it continued later in private.

"Later she told me I was being disrespect and was an a$hole. So, am I the a$hole for finally blowing up after 7 years of playing mommy to my sister while my mom goes out and makes the family think shes a great mom?"

The teen was quickly met with dozens of comments against her mother's lifestyle.

"[Not The A$$hole] (NTA). If your mother didn't want the truth about her parenting skills to come out, she probably should have raised her own kid." - NUTmeSHELL
"Exactly this! What's that old saying? 'If people wanted you to speak well of them, then they should have behaved better'." - sweet_soleil
"It's like what I tell my mother now that I'm about to have children of my own: if you wanted to be an involved grandparent, you should have tried being an involved parent."
"OP is definitely NTA, her mother deserves to be called out for being a s**t parent." - vallyallyum
"She wants to be seen as a good mother without actually being one."
"She wants to have her cake and eat it." - Equilibriator
"Someone tried to do this to me to another person on the phone. I could hear them outright lying about stuff I knew the truth about, on speaker, with me in earshot. So I just started yelling 'that's not true, this is what really happened' loud enough for the person on the phone to hear."
"I don't put up with that bulls**t for a second. If you expect me to confirm your lie, you better: Have a good reason for lying [and] CLEAR it with me first" - LordofFullMetal

What will come of her argument with her mother is hard to say, but it seems it was important to get those feelings out.

And her mother should know for future reference, if she wants the credit for being a good mother, she better do the work.