Most families include a few bad eggs and coexisting with those individuals can be quite the challenge.
But things are bound to get heated when a sister-in-law begins claiming her brother's possessions as her own.
Redditor "flowersoneptune" found herself defending her husband when his sister wanted his housewarming gift and things got pretty heated.
She wrote into the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, wondering if she was in the wrong for speaking up.
The Redditor asked the thread:
"AITA for telling my [sister-in-law] there's a reason she's the least favorite child?"
She shared first a little about her history with her husband's family.
"The people in this story are me [female](26) my husband [male](27), his sister (23), and their parents (so my parents in law)."
"I've known my husband since we were teenagers."
She said her husband was a very hard worker as long as she'd known him.
"Since I first met him he was an incredibly kind, generous and modest man."
"To illustrate this, even though he struggled financially in university (like most of us) he never asked his parents for money, he had a crappy old barely working phone until he had enough money to buy himself a new one even though they offered to buy him a new phone, etc etc. This is mostly due to his family struggling financially while he was growing up."
His sister was pretty much the opposite.
"His sister however, is the polar opposite to him. With the lack of a nicer word, she is the epitome of a spoiled brat."
"While my husband was working hard to help around the house and get good grades, my sister in law refused to do any chores whatsoever. She always threw fits to get what she wanted, even as a grownup she would literally slam doors and cry if her parents didn't buy her the newest iPhone or gave her money for new clothes."
"How she got away with this behavior all her life is absolutely beyond me."
Recently, the Redditor and their husband moved into their first house.
"Now fast forward to about a week ago: My husband and I recently moved into our first own house, which we are incredibly excited about."
"As a housewarming gift, my parents-in-law gave us a beautiful antique rocking chair that belonged to my husband's late grandfather. My husband was especially touched by this because he has many fond childhood memories connected to the rocking chair."
The Redditor's sister-in-law believed, however, she should have the chair.
"As soon as my SIL found out about this, she called to ask my husband if she could have the chair instead. He gave her a firm no and thought that was it."
The conversation didn't end there, though.
"The next day however she turned up in person and threw a classic fit, she was crying about how my husband only got the chair because he is their parents favorite child, how that is so unfair and how he needs to protect her against that."
"At this point I admit I just about lost it."
"I told her that this had nothing to do with favoritism, but just with the fact that her brother is a homeowner now while she still lives in her childhood bedroom getting her parents to pay everything for her."
"That my husband worked his a** off to get where he is today while all she did is demand people work for her, and if my husband was the favorite child I would completely understand it if she always showed such awful behavior."
The Redditor and her husband don't agree about her speaking up.
"She immediately left and hasn't spoken to us since."
"I am usually a very calm and peaceful person but I feel like my outburst was justified."
"My husband however says that I went way too far."
"So, AITA (Am I the A**hole)?"
Fellow Redditors wrote in on the OP's (Original Poster's) situation, using the following scale:
- NTA: "Not the A**hole"
- YTA: "You're the A**hole"
- ESH: "Everybody Sucks Here"
- NAH: "No A**holes Here"
Some Redditors chimed in to say the OP was not wrong because of the sister-in-law's entitlement.
"NTA. Your [sister-in-law] went too far by turning up at your door and throwing a tantrum over a chair." - andwhiskersonkittens
"NTA. How entitled can you be that you have to ask for a gift that was given to someone else. If there was a particular sentimental reason that she had a stronger connection to it maybe that would be a way to explain it but she just seems mad that she didn't get something for once." - Bearmancartoons
"She only wanted it because her brother got it. I guarantee she never expressed any interest in the chair before this incident. I have a sister like that and I've gone no contact because she was an exhausting drama llama." - PaddyCow
"It was a gift to BOTH of them, not just to him. The tantrum and demands that he protect her from her parents because she didn't get a gift were all ridiculous. She thought she could bully, manipulate and pout her brother into feeling guilty."
"The wife may have snapped at the outburst, but the [sister-in-law] had no right to make any demands. I doubt this is about the actual chair. She just wants it because he's got it now. She wants to be in control and LW didn't let her." - JIHB
Some agreed with this and said the family was enabling her behavior.
"Your husband thinking you went too far is exactly why the SIL keeps her BS up. I am sure her parents would have the same attitude, but holy shit she is a big yikes. Absolutely NTA." - Rosemary_Rue
"[Sister-in-law] is upset someone called her on her BS. She never learned that temper tantrums aren't acceptable because everyone keeps caving in to her wants" - justsauser34
"He didn't reward her behaviour but he's telling his wife that she went too far, when she didn't, which shows that the husband is at least partially complicit in enabling this bulls**t."
"Sister needs to learn that while close family members might entertain this nonsense, the wider members of society will not. It sounds like she has not progressed emotionally beyond the entitled stage of a teenager. Her parents have done her a great disservice." - PaddyCow
Others claimed more of an ESH situation, as the OP may have caused more of a rift between her husband and the rest of the family than she intended.
"NTA, but this is also a slight ESH for me. Here's why:"
"First off, [sister-in-law] was wayyyyy out of line. No question. Shouldn't have done it. No debate whatsoever."
"But also, the typical 'rules' of a marriage, with certain, very limited exceptions (ie particularly close to one inlaw or something), is that you manage your people, and your husband manages his people. This is just what you kind of do to avoid the 'standard' issues of being the spouse thats tearing your family apart."
"So yeah, you should avoid dealing with it at all costs unless she's come to you directly and you can't escape. If this was your entitled sister, I'd advise your husband to do the same, tbh."
"That being said, it sounds like there is a deep history between you and this family, so it might be different. Idk. Just something to keep in mind." - Crusstacean
"You did well in this case. I saw the comments and after thinking long and hard and seeing your replies, I think you should have a talk about it with your husband. You might [overstep] [your] boundaries here but it was well-deserved. Especially since she has nowhere to put that chair, she doesnt have her own place."
"NTA but this thread need the coding HBD - 'Harsh but deserved.'" - emmerlaus
"My judgment is ESH."
"It's his family and what he says to them will be forgiven. What you say will be remembered and will have an impact on your husband."
"I've only ever spoken to a sibling in law once about how they were as it affected my wife a lot and that's was with great care as this as an in law isn't a blood relative."
"Disclaimer: this is based on how real people behave not Reddit world." - junaidaslam1983
"Yeah, people here are acting like she's the hero, getting in a sick burn while saving the family from the cycle of co-dependence, like [sister-in-law] will change one bit after all this."
"That's not how real people work. In reality, OP got in what she thinks is a revelation, while her husband has to deal with the fall-out, and SIL [will] just hate OP, not have the intended epiphany or change the family dynamic in any way."
"It's good the husband is sticking up for himself to SIL and to OP, because both stepped out of line here." - mbbaer
It's reasonable that the Redditor wanted to speak up after all this time, but Reddit seems unsure if it was really her place to do it.
Hopefully the Redditor will be able to have a discussion about this with her husband, so they can make sure they're on the same page going forward.
*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*