People Break Down The 'Silent Red Flags' Folks Tend To Ignore In Relationships

A red flag has come to mean any warning sign in life, in addition to the literal red flags that are placed on beaches or industrial sites to warn people of danger.

People will respond to situations by saying, "That’s a red flag." But before that language evolved, they'd just call them "warning signs."

Reddit user PayOptimal9051 asked:

"What’s a 'silent red flag' most people don’t notice in relationships?"

Reading Is Fundamental

"The number of guys I've seen belittle a love of reading is way too high."

~ BJntheRV

"That would be such a huge red flag to me. Only dumb people don’t like to read. I don’t mean people with learning disabilities or people who never learned to read through no fault of their own."

"I will say that people who don’t enjoy reading at all, typically don’t match well with me on an intellectual level. Sorry, but it’s true."

"It’s one thing to not enjoy reading as a hobby for yourself, but people who actually belittle a love of reading in others are a red flag to me personally because, in my humble opinion, it says you aren’t intelligent enough to realize that you gain soooo much knowledge & vocabulary though reading."

~ Sanchastayswoke

Disinterest

"Not asking about you. Not asking a simple question like, ‘how are you doing’ or checking in if you mentioned being sick or hurt."

~ LadyMish

Conflict Avoidance

"The lack of conflict in a relationship ('we never fight') could either be excellent communication skills or that someone (maybe both people!) in the relationship aren't being honest about how they feel."

"Conflict is inevitable in a relationship. The trick is finding healthy ways of dealing with it."

~ GinGimlet

Controlling Interest

"My father-in-law is only allowed to like the things my mother-in-law likes. He used to do plenty of cool things that were fun for him, but no more."

"Now they both do only what she wants, and they do everything together. It's straight up uncomfortable to watch."

"I made it very clear to my wife early on that won't be our dynamic: of course we will have plenty of mutually enjoyable activities, but I support and encourage her to pursue other things as well and expect the same in return."

"Luckily, she wholeheartedly agrees."

~ schoh99

Reasonable Accommodation

"One person always accommodates the other, which leads to a perceived absence of conflict."

"In reality, the partner doing the accommodating likely isn't having their needs met, while the partner who is always getting their way is likely to be perfectly happy with the situation."

~ all_neon_like_13

Weaponized Secrets

"When you share things in confidence, and then they turn around and weaponize it when there’s conflict."

~ glittering_entry_

Hobby Snobby

"Belittling your hobbies. Hobbies are like the core thing someone does in their life. Most of the times it what makes them 'them', if you know what I mean."

"So belittling something you're passionate about is a red flag."

~ my_username_is_okay

Tit-for-Tat

"When you bring some issue up to them, and they counter with 'oh, but you do this'."

"You’ll be the reason for every negative thing they do. Because you do negative things they don’t bring up until you bring up theirs."

~ HyenaDependent2928

"Because they listen to argue, not to understand."

~ Striking_Voice3290

"Yes, this exactly. It’s so frustrating. And it also shows they take zero accountability. Whatever they do will always be someone else’s fault. And that’s immature."

~ HyenaDependent2928

Parent-Child Relationship

"An ex of mine, who was productive and successful in her own life, became passive and pretty much useless a lot of time when I was around. It was especially noticeable when traveling—if I was driving and asked if she could find us somewhere to eat, she just...wouldn't."

"I'd have to pull over and do it myself, just like I had to do all the navigation and incidental planning. You want a relationship to be a team effort but often it felt more like babysitting."

"I realized after we broke up this had a lot to do with her relationship with her (single, very hard-working, and no-nonsense) mother. She would cast one of us in the role of parent and the other as the child."

"At home, she was normally the parent, acting very domineering and insisting on doing everything her way. But if we were out of the house, we would flip roles, and she would revert to being led like a 12-year-old."

~ military_history

Breadcrumbs

"Like a guy that says they want a relationship, they love you, invites you to move in with them, and promises they won't lead you on..."

"BUT THEN..."

"Breadcrumbs you, only shows enough interest to get you naked, and otherwise barely speaks to you."

~ Classy-Catastrophe

Being There

"Can’t say most people don’t notice because I don’t know most people, but for me, it was a lack of initiative."

"That turned into a whole issue because I could not rely on them to be there for me in emotional times of need, but they fully expected me to be there for them, ALWAYS."

~ ckingbass

Emotional Assumptions

"Making assumptions about how you feel, and cementing them as fact without ever actually talking to you."

"It's being in a relationship with somebody that makes up your narrative, and isn't able to have the hard conversations."

"Because, spoiler alert, they're normally wrong about what they assume."

~ FiddleLeafFig3

Last Place

"They put you last after their every want and need."

"In the beginning of my relationship, my ex went out to pick up breakfast I ordered for us. Usually, we’re good about double-checking it before we leave, but he said it was really busy at the restaurant, and he wanted to get out of there ASAP."

"When he gets home with the order, my food was missing. I tell him we should go back to pick it up (5-7 min drive away)."

"He starts groaning and whining about how he’s so hungry and doesn’t want to go back. I was halfway out the door with tears in my eyes before he decided to come with me to pick up the missing order so I could eat because he wasn't offering to share his with me."

"I brushed it off as him being hangry, but everything that followed years after... I’m just glad I’m out of it now."

~ Asleep_Umpire_2413

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

"When someone never apologizes, even for small things. It seems minor at first, but it shows they might not take accountability or be open to real communication over time."

~ findingbezu

Treatment

"Pay attention to how they treat others. You may be the only person he/she doesn’t blow off and treats with respect."

"Yeah, you’re their special someone for now. As soon as you’re not as special anymore, they will blow you off the same way they do everyone else, but they will absolutely expect you to continue to treat them well."

~ serene_brutality

"Spin off: someone who treats everyone else, especially strangers, better or with more respect than you."

~ Affectionate-Play436

What's a relationship red flag you ignored?