I hate elevators... doesn't help that I'm deeply claustrophobic.
To me, and to many, elevators are nothing more than steel coffins.
The air is scarce.
So the last thing I think about is what anyone is saying.
In fact, I usually tell everyone to shut up.
So... someone may be talking about me on this thread.
But people say strange things in small spaces.
An elevator is a perfect "captive" audience.
A deleted Redditor wanted to hear what crazy things have been heard in those small spaces, so they asked:
"What's the most shocking statement you could utter in a packed elevator?"
Unsure
"'So, anyway... they diagnosed me with Leprosy, but they're still not sure if it's contagious or not...'"
- virgilreality
"Fun fact, leprosy isn't very contagious. You'd have to be around someone consistently for a long time to get it."
- garlicknots13
Nervous Sponge Bob GIF by SpongeBob SquarePantsGiphy
22 flights Up!!
"True story! When I was 9 years old, I went to this weird carnival and a fortune teller told me that I would die in an elevator. I will randomly tell a stranger that story in elevators especially if I have to go to the 22nd floor. Freaks people out every single time. Part of me still believes I will die in an elevator."
"And before I had my knee replacement, I always took the stairs. My knee physical therapy is on the 22nd floor of a building, which is ridiculous and insane."
- sadbirdfox
I Gotta Go!
"Oh I had a friend who was in a packed elevator that broke down, so they were stuck in. A guy in it stated with an apologetic tone, 'I'm really sorry everyone but I really need to pee.' He then went ahead and peed in the corner of the lift, which they all had to stay in for another 30 minutes."
"I guess what would be more shocking is if he had said 'Sorry everyone, I really need to do a poop.'"
- IPABrad
Group Fun
"I bet you’re all wondering why we’ve gathered here today."
- rush_me_pls
"There’s a guy at my job that says this at every single meeting, none of which is he ever the person that called it. EVERY. SINGLE. MEETING."
- VirgilsCrew
"I used to say this to my old colleagues every time we boarded a lift, to the point that some of them started to say it."
- _87-
Wet
"I was a teenager working in finance over the summer in downtown Chicago. I’m coming into the office at like 8 am or whatever and the high-rise elevator is f**king packed and we’re all squished in there. It was the 90s equivalent of fintech bros. First, it was a hot and sour rancid smell. Then it was a second audible wave that can only be described as 'wet.' There were 15ish people holding their breath on an elevator hoping it just fell to the bottom. If I were that dude I would have just pulled a Louganis out the f**king window.
- microwave_safe_bowl
Olfaction
"'You smell different when you're awake.'"
- Miserable-Assist6803
Basketball Wives Smell GIF by VH1Giphy
Tick Tock Boom
"What do you mean I am in the wrong building, I already activated the bomb!"
- victoriens
"The timer is going to go off in like three minutes!"
- LazerShark1313
Repent!
"'Nickelback is a pretty good band.'"
- MetalSmithJoe
"And then cover your mouth and apologize profusely, 'Oh my God I don’t know why I said that.'"
- No_Reveal675
Blues Brothers GIFGiphy
Don't Push
"My water just broke, and the elevator is stuck, so please help deliver my baby..."
"Actually happened to my classmates on spring break. They ended up delivering the baby and stripped down to their boxers so they could wrap the baby in clothes. Healthy delivery, thankfully."
"One heck of a spring break."
- jpr_jpr
+ 2
"Yeah Mike, this one failed inspection. I told the building manager that it might hold up until next week, at which point we can replace the cable brake. As long as there are no more than five people on the elevator at once, everything should be fine. There's seven of us in here now including myself."
- vodka_twinkie
Failed!
"The elevator dropping actually isn't statistically life-threatening. The emergency breaks would stop it within half a floor on average. Now if a mechanical failure caused the elevator to go UP at an uncontrolled pace, we'd probably all die."
- Dude-lor
Worst Ride
"Slightly off-topic, but one time I was riding an elevator with a friend who said he wanted to dump water on his crotch and then when the elevator door opened he would stagger out and say 'scariest. elevator ride. EVER!' to the people waiting to get on."
"We told him to do it, but he didn't have a drink with him and then we moved on to whatever we were actually there for after getting off the elevator."
- narrauko
Awkward
"I saw a guy ask a woman how many months pregnant she was on the elevator... she replied that she was not pregnant. This was like a 40+ floor ride with quite a few stops in between. One of those most uncomfortable moments I've witnessed in life."
- Oradev
Awkward Dj Pauly D GIF by Jersey Shore Family VacationGiphy
Have you heard?
"I first heard of Princess Diana's death while in an elevator, so maybe that? It was in a hotel in Hawaii and there was a British family sharing it, and the adults seemed a bit distraught. One of them asked, 'Have you heard the news?' I replied that I hadn't, and that was how I found out."
"Nothing else really noteworthy about elevator rides that I can recall. People are usually quiet."
- AHorseNamedPhil
That's it. I am vindicated!
Always use the stairs!
It's the safest travel path.
People maybe everyone should start treating elevators like libraries... shut up!
Nobody is in the mood for a free comedy show.
