Writer Jill Twiss, best known for her work on HBO's Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and for her much loved children's book A Day in the Life of Marlon Bundo, took to Twitter to share what might be considered too much information.
Twiss shared with her followers a rather hysterical and slightly embarrassing tale involving root canals, smelly chicken breasts, and pain meds. It may sound gross, but let's be real; it could happen to the best of us, and we relate.
And so the saga begins —
Hello, as that I am laid up on painkillers after spending today at the dentist, I would like to tell the story of t… https://t.co/fHFzj9uLxZ— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532392947.0
Cut to four days earlier: it’s 2:45am and I wake up with a HORRIBLE pain in one of my teeth. The kind of pain where… https://t.co/pcg1o3Wki4— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393240.0
I’m literally banging my head against the wall to distract myself from the pain when, I suddenly remember something my mom said once…— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393332.0
She told me that if you put ice between your thumb and forefinger, it will actually numb the nerves to your mouth.… https://t.co/UEJomiGTdC— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393413.0
Thing is: I don’t have ice. I’m a disaster of a human who has never once remembered to fill ice trays and all I hav… https://t.co/5azma6hHa6— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393540.0
(Placebo effect? Maybe. But if so GIVE ME A BUCKET OF GODDAMN PLACEBOS OVER HERE)— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393598.0
Anyone who has ever been in pain from a root canal understand.
The pain is relieved enough that I go to sleep. I wake up every hour or so as the chicken breasts warm up and the p… https://t.co/5rXPUCzql7— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393667.0
(I’d obviously given up on ever eating these chicken breasts because, surprisingly, that is where I draw the line.)— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393680.0
SIDE NOTE: I slept in a Batmobile bed at this point in my life. It has nothing to do with the story. I just wanted… https://t.co/wsni6hULyB— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393752.0
Who doesn't want to sleep in a Batmobile bed?
I get up early the next morning, put the chicken breasts in my hand in the freezer till I can throw them all away,… https://t.co/Y3PMFxwOyc— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393881.0
Meanwhile I also someone have caught a horrible cold overnight -- probably from sleeping in various forms of ice an… https://t.co/062AiVcpOF— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532393908.0
The cold turns into a sinus infection. I haven’t breathed through my nose in days, but my teeth feel GREAT. Cut to a knock at my door.— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394019.0
Obviously you all know where this is going but the thing is I DID NOT.— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394074.0
This could get awkward.
At the door is my Super. He has never been to my door before. In retrospect I realize that he probably wondered if… https://t.co/x81zUU9yEo— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394208.0
"WHAT SMELL?" I say confidently as a person who has smelled literally nothing in four days.— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394296.0
And reader, it was. Long story still equally long, the one of us that could smell did some, um, rifling around and… https://t.co/npB5NCjApb— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394499.0
"I HAD A TOOTHACHE" I said too loud, realizing that nothing I would ever say could make sense to that man and I wou… https://t.co/cYtN4k6lww— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394681.0
And I did. And I have.— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394704.0
Moral of the Story: FILL YOUR GODDAMN ICE TRAYS.— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394737.0
Surprisingly, others had chicken stories of their own.
@jilltwiss This is amazing. My mother once did a Costco run then left the country for a few weeks. One day midway… https://t.co/btqLLuAqyg— Alan Henry (@Alan Henry)1532396375.0
@jilltwiss I assumed it was because the car had been parked next to the trash which had not been taken out for a fe… https://t.co/rf2z9vHEC1— Alan Henry (@Alan Henry)1532396434.0
And for those who are wondering.
And also as @varley_craig so kindly pointed out, the ice on the hand is a real thing! So you're welcome for this sc… https://t.co/agqPUTqX6C— Jill Twiss (@Jill Twiss)1532394881.0
Message received. We will fill those ice trays.