Dating—and other interpersonal relationships—can be hard.
Figuring out whether someone is interested in you—or just taking the chance and asking them out—can be a stressful thing.
One man recently asked a girl out and was turned down. Then he asked another girl and she agreed.
Except her forgot to tell the first girl she was no longer invited. After getting flack from his sister, he turned to the subReddit "Am I the A$hole" to figure out if he was in the wrong for how he went about it.
The 24-year-old, known on Reddit as nipslip911, won tickets to a concert and decided to take a chance and ask out a friend who he had met through his sister. The friend was a big fan of the singer and he thought it would make a good first date.
He also offered to get a hotel room for the two of them:
"I said I can book us a hotel room and we can spend the night together."
She told him she would love to go, but only as friends.
She was okay with sharing a hotel room, but only if there were two beds.
"She told me she doesn't feel ready to date anyone at the moment, and she doesn't do flings either, so unfortunately we can only be platonic friends."
"I said I'll think about it. I was quite hurt because honestly I don't have much experience with rejection, and I was annoyed that she turned me down."
Still hoping to find a date—and concerts being an excellent first date—he decided to ask a coworker to go with him instead.
"She immediately said yes and seemed quite excited about it although she admitted that she never listened to any of their songs. Still, I'm taking her out for drinks on Friday."
That same day, his friend contacted him to find out if they were still going to the concert together.
"I told her honestly that I already asked another woman, and she seemed disappointed but dropped the subject."
Apparently this wasn't the end of it, though.
When he talked to his sister about the conversation, she said he was being a jerk and should have taken their mutual friend.
"She says her friend is a huge fan of the singer and I should take her instead of my coworker who doesn't even like the band but only wants to go because she likes me."
"Because let's me honest, if I had the choice between going out with a girl who only wants to be my "friend" versus a girl who is super into me and wants to take things to the next level, then obviously I'm taking the second one."
You can read his full Reddit post below.
from AmItheAsshole
Some Reddit users took issue with the way he left things with the friend after her rejection of his request for a date.
"YTA. You don't rescind an invitation because you won't get laid at the end. 'Only guys understand' is an example of toxic masculinity. Don't be surprised if you lose a friend over this."
"Since some keep making mocking comments about toxic masculinity, I'll break it down. 'Only guys understand' implies that guys would obviously take the choice that gets them laid."
"He doesn't even really like the other girl, he just knows he stands a good chance at some action. That's a really gross way to view women. I hope the other girl does end your friendship, because she deserves better friends, that don't sexualize her." -smashells32
A few sought clarification before reaching a verdict.
"INFO - All Of the disagreement on here revolves around the hotel room situation, so I ask you: If she had said yes to going to the concert as a date, but either wanted separate beds or separate rooms all together would you still have wanted to go with her?" -flextapejosefi
"Yeah I would have totally been ok with that..." -nipslip911
"Then definitely NTA. Honestly even without that, I would personally be on the fence but that just confirms it all the way."
"You asked for a date, she said no to a date, you asked someone else for a date, she said yes to a date, you went out with the one who said yes. Makes perfect sense." -flextapejosefi
Others thought he wasn't exactly in the wrong, but maybe something was a bit sketchy.
"For some reason when I read the title I was thinking OP gave his own ticket to another girl to go with the friend. Boy was I surprised when I read on."
"I think this is a combo. OP is not obligated to take the friend but just the way he talks about women kinda irks me. NAH in this situation but thinking maybe is TA in life sometimes." -clanzi41
Still others thought that he made his intentions clear and supported his actions.
One person got in depth in their analysis.
"NTA, the first girl gave him a laundry list of reasons why she doesn't want to date. It's not like she was trying to move slow, or there was a chance of a future relationship."
"He was upfront about his intentions, the girl was clear about not wanting to be more than friends. Sure she was bummed that she's not going to the concert, but it's not like she lost anything."
"It's not like OP is a "nice guy" and trying to be friends with the implication she "owes" sex to him."
"He's clear that it's a date, and even brings up a hotel room up front. I think mentioning that upfront makes his intentions even MORE clear, even though he does have plausible deniability because it's a 3hr drive."
"And guess what, the 2nd girl is excited to go!"
"These are 24yo and 21yo in the age of tinder, not 37yo single parents looking for their life partner."
"I find this whole scenario so interesting, because so many people apply their baggage to it. There are tons of women who have had to deal with the bullshit of nice guys wanting tit for tat.
"There are tons of guys who have been rejected or felt led on."
"Obviously there are small nuances or details that we don't know about, but it's kinda funny how everyone just fills in the blanks, and those tiny details tip the verdict one way or another." -Mushu_Pork
In the end, he didn't get a clear answer on whether he was the a$Shole or not.
What do you think?
@sama/X
