Any Excuse Is Better Than None

"As a manager as long as you let me know that you aren’t going to be able to work then we’re good."

"If you just don’t show up that’s a different story."- LF_redit

Say It, Don't Spray It...

"I got sprayed by a skunk."

"I tried to go to work after showering with Dawn dish soap but my boss told me to go home."

"So I’d say getting sprayed by a skunk."- Sunshine95454

Ultimately, Not A Pleasant Experience For Anyone...

"I worked construction, and two separate instances on two different crews, someone said they sh*t their pants."

"Nobody questioned it and they left."

"I do believe they did sh*t their pants tho so you have to commit."- allornothing26

"'I sh*t my pants'."

"Absolutely, 100%, understand."

"See you tomorrow."- Abadatha

Apparently Anything Regarding The Rear End...

“'Butthole is bleeding I can’t make it in'.”

"Not a single person will want to ask questions."

"You’re welcome."- Psychologystudent28

Oddly Impressive In This Day And Age... (Assuming It's True...)

"I called in to work and said I had scurvy."

"A couple hours later an FTD florist delivered a bonzi lemon tree from my boss."- HawkMisfit

Not So Much The What, But The When...

"The excuse doesn't matter it's the frequency."

'You need to be excused a couple of times a year?"

'No big deal."

'You're out every other week?"

'That's an issue."- Im_probably_naked

Or Better Yet, To A Hosptial!

"Me: hey I think I need to head home."

"Boss: Why’s that?

"Me: I think I broke my arm."

"I’m standing in front of my bosses desk with my arm turned completely backwards from the elbow down, was in total shock."- ssandhanitizer

Good Thing They Remembered To Call...

"Last time I called into work, it was a quick call."

“'Can’t make it in. Hit my head. Blood everywhere. Ambulance is on the way'.”

"That one worked pretty well."- bioVOLTAGE

Speechless Isn't Always Good...

"Guy at work phoned in to tell our boss he couldn’t make it in because he didn’t have no clean socks."

"Boss was speechless."- Tankclark1

If Only For Plumbing Issues...

"Diarrhea?"- menki_22

"I used to have a sh*tty office job."

"I once had severe diarrhea and my boss tried to get me to work from the bathroom, at the office."- adventurousorca

In a Post Pandemic World...

“'I’m sick'.”

"You don’t need more detail than that."- too_sexy_for_reddit

"Where I'm at Covid is still a mandatory out until a negative test."-azorianmilk

You Can't Make This Stuff Up...

"Worked on a construction crew at one time with this one colorful character that just couldn't get out of bed and to work on time, but could do the work of two when he was on the job."

"He always had the most entertaining excuses for missing work that no one could be mad at him."

"'Ran over a rabbit and had to return home to put it in the freezer'." "

"'Scored some weed that was so good I forgot what day it was'."

"And the coup de grace...'Woke up with my face in my girlfriend's armpit and was afraid to open my eyes'."- eron6000ad

Family First

"Something wrong with your kid."

"I've honestly thought about making up a kid just so I have an airtight excuse to cut out as often as my parent coworkers do."- Yak-F**ker-5000

In truth, pretty much any excuse could probably work

What's more important, is an air-tight alibi...