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Jennifer Lopez Reflects On 2004 Split From Ben Affleck: 'I Honestly Felt Like I Was Going To Die'

The actor and singer said the break-up sent her on an 18-year 'spiral' until reconnecting with Affleck.

Jennifer Lopez; Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez
Apple Music/YouTube; Steve Granitz/FilmMagic/Getty Images

When Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck rekindled their romance last year after being apart for nearly two decades, it was like a fairy tale that came true—happy ending and all.

Though the world witnessed the couple's joy in their reconciliation, we were unaware of the darkness Lopez experienced in the 18 years they were apart.

She recently sat down with Apple Music's Zane Lowe to discuss new music and, of course, romance.

Lopez announced her new album This Is Me...Now on the 20th anniversary of This Is Me...Then, the latter inspired by the pre-2004 breakup relationship with Affleck.

"That album, 'This Is Me...Then,' really captured a moment in time where I fell in love with the love of my life."
"And I just, it's all right there on the record."
"Every single song that we wrote, me writing 'Dear Ben,' it was such a special moment in time to have captured."

Lopez shared after the breakup her coping strategy was to stay busy and work nonstop.

However busy she kept herself didn't keep her from feeling the effects of the split.

"It was so painful after we broke up."

She shared she wouldn't even perform songs from This Is Me...Then because of the hurt.

"Once we called off that wedding 20 years ago, it was the biggest heartbreak of my life, and I honestly felt like I was going to die."
"And it sent me on a spiral for the next 18 years where I just couldn't get it right."

That segment of the interview can be seen below.

Why Jennifer Lopez Thought She Was 'Going to Die' After First Ben Affleck

Lopez continued:

"But now, 20 years later, it does have a happy ending. It has the most would-never-happen-in-Hollywood ending."

Viewers shared their happiness for the couple and appreciated Lopez's vulnerability.

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

And, of course, fans of the album's prequel absolutely cannot wait for This Is Me...Now.

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

Apple Music/YouTube

In the interview, Lopez also shared she wanted to send a message with the new album.

"True love does exist and some things do last forever. And that's real."
"I want to put that message out to the world."
"That does take a lot of vulnerability, but I couldn't stop myself."
"Parts of it scare me and I think parts of it scare Ben, too."
"He's like, 'Do you really want to say all this stuff?' And I'm like, 'I don't know how else to do it, baby.'"

Moving forward, Lopez said this round with Affleck will be approached differently.

"... Part of what destroyed us was the outside energy that was coming at us."
"And we loved each other. It was hard."
"It felt at times unfair, but neither one of us is that person to be like, 'Woe is me.'"
"It fueled us in a weird way that we felt we had to prove ourselves again."

Lopez said the couple is in it "for the long haul."

"Now we know. There is no questions and there is no, 'Well, let's see how this goes.'"
"It's like, 'No, it's me and you, that's it. All the way, 'til the end.'"

This Is Me...Now is slated for release in 2023.