Questions That May Sound Innocent But Are Actually Offensive

Humans in general tend to be curious creatures. We seek information about the world around us.

But sometimes it's best to rein that desire in a bit.

After all, our desire for information shouldn't take precedence over someone else's comfort.

Reddit user SprinklesSolid9211 asked:

"What’s a question that sounds innocent, but in actuality is offensive?"

Citizen

"As a 'racially ambiguous' person originally from Delaware, 'Where are you from? No, like, where are you really from?'."

~ Moms_Damp_Hand

"Oof. It's ridiculous the number of times I've had to answer this question and the number of people who won't accept the answer that I'm from the United States. They keep pushing for another answer because I'm not White like them."

"I'm ambiguously brown, so I must be from somewhere else, right?"

"I'm Indigenous American. My ancestors have been on this continent millennia longer than any of the White people asking me where I'm really from."

"Then they fall all over themselves trying to justify their question when they find out where I'm really from, like it never occurred to them that brown people are Indigenous to the Americas and White people aren't."

~ MohawMais

Employed

"When are you going to get a real job?"

"This from my family when I was working as a contract engineer and spending 6 months to two years in different locations, earning twice what most engineers were making."

"I would usually take a month off between projects, and in their eyes I was 'always out of work' and 'couldn't hold a job'."

~ eron6000ad

Disabled

"As a wheelchair user, one question I get from complete strangers in public is 'Can you have sex?'."

"I wish I was joking. Even before saying hi, they could ask that."

~ buckyhermit

"One of my ex-boyfriends has spina bifida (we dated for about a year and a half), and during our time together, I learned that the disabled have to deal with sh*t daily that most of us can't even fathom."

"I was constantly addressed by people when they needed to ask him something, like the waiter always asked me what he wanted to drink or if he was ready to order. Most people assumed I was his caretaker and/ or a relative because, OMG, what else would be the reason we were out together, right?"

"When they did realize we were a couple, there were always, always, inappropriate questions. A waitress asked me flat out if I was dating him because he made good money and got benefits. Ma'am, definitely not. What benefits?"

"There were so many questions about our sex life during dinner, from strangers and friends. Not sure which was more awkward. Someone asked if we were poly or swing because how else could I be satisfied."

"Comments about how I was a caregiver and how even if I wasn't, I was because of the wheelchair and he would always need help. Don't get me started on accessibility in general and making plans to do literally anything with anyone."

"Yeah, we're not together anymore—because disabled people can also be jerks—but that relationship taught me a lot about all the boundaries."

~ UltaMetWorrier

Alopecia

"I have alopecia and people would ask, 'What’s wrong with your hair?'"

"I mean, I guess it was asked innocently, but it was as insulting to me as asking someone why they’re so ugly."

~ jlacan45

PTSD

"What caused you to get PTSD?/How did you get PTSD?"

"If the answer isn’t volunteered, do not ask anybody that."

~ EndlessAscend

"Talking about my PTSD triggers my PTSD. I literally struggle to talk about it without bursting into tears."

"This shouldn’t be complicated for people to understand. The question is essentially 'can you in detail describe the worst and most vulnerable day of your life?'."

~ WebBorn2622

Sober

"'Why did you stop drinking?' People ask me all the time and it’s always a shock to people when I then bluntly tell them I have severe addiction issues and don’t want to end up snorting Benadryl and buying a bag of coke each night."

~ MadManicMegan

Introverted

"Why are you so quiet?"

"Why are you so f*cking nosy?"

~ SP_Rocks

"I learned that I’m not actually really quiet , there are just a lot of people that I really don’t like."

~ Hopeful_Coconut_2648

Disabled

"To wheelchair users/people with visible disabilities: 'What’s wrong with you?' or 'What happened to you?'."

~ FailPhoenix86

Married

"To married couples, 'When are you going to have a baby?'."

~ Tricky_Equipment_772

"My wife's aunts used to ask us this a lot. She finally replied truthfully: 'We did, she died before coming to term. It was the only time we've been successful getting pregnant in our (at the time) 15 years together. Thanks for asking'."

"They have not asked again."

~ PoorManRichard

Single

"People ask, 'Why are you single?'."

~ Gur_Weak

"This one pissed me off so much when I was younger and single."

"It's like they think the streets are brimming with single people to whom I am attracted and can tolerate and vice versa. So why haven't I just picked one?'."

~ AjentOranje

Asian

"As an Asian who is a native English speaker, 'How do you speak English so well?' drives me batty."

~ Midnight_Nation

"Used to get asked this a lot as well and I’d ask them, 'Well how do YOU speak English so well?' and they’d always answer, 'I was born here'."

"And I’d just stare at them."

~ veryj4ne

Depressed

"I love being asked, 'Have you tried not being depressed?'."

~ peppersteak_headshot

"Usually followed by 'you should count your blessings'."

~ spaetzlechick

"And then, 'But, you don’t have anything to be depressed about!'."

~ Competitive_One_6298

911

"I used to work as a 911 dispatcher, and the number of random people who would ask me if I ever listened to someone die astounded me."

"Like, thanks, I really want to relive that right now in the grocery store. And they never really seemed to realize how messed up that question was, they were always so morbidly cheerful about it."

~ Crimsonrox

Combat Veteran

"When I was younger and dumber, I encountered a veteran in an FPS lobby and asked him if he ever killed anyone. I'm pretty grateful to the dude—he very gently set me straight by saying that unless you've been in the sh*t too, it's incredibly rude to ask someone that."

~ _Bad_Bob_

"When I was a summer associate at my first law firm, one of the partners asked one of the other summer associates—who was a veteran—that question. I was so shocked I blurted out, 'oh my god, you cannot ask that question!' And then immediately worried that I’d just ruined my chances of getting hired by embarrassing a partner."

"But the associate she’d asked just looked her in the eye and said, 'Yes,' in this ice-cold tone that shut everybody up instantly."

~ ilexly

Emergency Care

"I’m a first responder, and when people find out, I get asked 'what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen/the worst call you’ve been to?'"

"They’re trying to make conversation, I get it."

"The worst call I’ve been to haunts my dreams. I don’t want to talk about it with you."

~ plainrufflechips

"I’m a social worker and my partner is a nurse. People always ask, ‘What’s the craziest thing that’s happened at your job?’."

"The stories aren’t crazy in a funny way; they’re crazy in an awful and devastating way. I don’t want to share someone’s worst day of their life (and relive a terrible day for me) for your morbid curiosity."

~ cirquede_souffle

What's a question you hate being asked?