Guilty Parents Admit The Outright Lies They’ve Told Their Children

50. The Usual Half-Truths...

1. The ends don't justify the means
2. It doesn't matter what other people think of you
3. Money can't buy happiness REDDIT

49. Betrayal! 

"When the ice cream truck plays that music, it means it's out of ice cream." - "The Internet shuts at 6pm." "I know when you're lying!" REDDIT

48. Is this Dynasty?

That the man at the family gathering was a family friend when it turns out to be your dad and you never got to meet him again. _yellow_ledbetter

47. Don't talk about my peeps...

That today's generation is a bunch of lazy, entitled degenerates. Seems odd that my generation is inventing, innovating and building more than any previous generation. Also, media only makes it seem like this generation sucks... most of my father's generation was raised on believing what the news told them. Well, thanks to the Internet (reddit, specifically) most of us know that the media is 99% biased crap. Esmeraldem

46. Higher Learning... 

That education costs.

With the cost of college and schools varying so much depending on where you live and the variations in social classes you get set up to have no opportunities in certain areas. You don't get to pick from everything most of the time. You get to have what's available to you. I wish I had understood that better instead of being given false hope and naivety about how the world works. REDDIT

45. A Lie is a Lie! 

A lot of parents, or all parents? Don't know about all parents, but a lot of them lie about intelligent design. charleston_guy

A lie is knowing something is not factual and saying it anyway. If a parent believes in intelligent design and teaches their child that, it isn't a lie. They may be incorrect, but that is different. I_Like_Nerds

44. You can still be nice...

That if you do good, good things will happen to you in return. Nope, the world screws you whether you want it or not. pyroSeven

43. Sorry Mom. You talk.

"You can tell me everything."

No, I can't mom, because you're not mentally stable enough to handle someone's pain. Syr_Enigma

42. No Stalker for you! 

Be/do good because Jesus is watching.

Instead of...

Be/do good because you shouldn't have to rely on someone else to hold you accountable for being a good person. sbstnh

41. You just gotta find the right ones... 

That Drugs are bad, Drugs are fun! notosnow

"All it takes is one cigarette to get you hooked." Tried a cigarette once. Tasted like crap and made me nauseous. Never again, so there's that.

"Marijuana is a gateway drug." Been smoking consistently for about a year and half now, still waiting for that urge to try heroin. Hasn't happened yet. REDDIT

40. Miss Congeniality!

"Life is not a popularity contest." LumberingOaf

39. Surprise!  

"You were planned." koklar

I'm pretty sure my parents claimed to get married almost a year before they actually did whenever I asked because of this. REDDIT

38. That Sounds Unsafe! 

An angel dropped me into their lap. REDDIT

Well, technically, a fallen angel is still an angel. 😇 Ahavah

37. Early Snoozer... 

"Bed time in 20 minutes!"

Waits five minutes....

"Okay, time for bed!" IjsKind0

36. Just say Abstinence. 

Oh, and "Your father and I were virgins when we married." Not only was this hard to live up to but totally messed up the line, "You can talk to me about anything." Uhh noooo mom I can't, even though you lied.

35. Just Smile.

Everything is gonna be all right. When you know its not. seriously_serious_

34. Ka-Ching!

You can do anything you want in life.

Truth : If you don't have enough money, you are restricted to limitations. Qualkore0 points·

33. It could happen.

Unequivocally it is that God exist and that people go to heaven when they die. MagmaiKH

32. Be Great! 

"It's alright if you didn't win/score/do something neat, you tried your best!" Dhrakyn

31. Ouch...

"I love you" Thanks mom! A_maxican123

"I love you" :'( svennnn

30. Big Little Lies

Teacher to my kindergarteners: IF we don't finish ___________, we'll have to stay here all night, and one from my parents to me after coming out: We don't think of you any differently.

29. Nothing is Free!

Santa is going to bring you gifts/The tooth fairy will leave you $ for your tooth. only-the-lonely

28. Fido Forever! 

I hate how parents try to lie and cover up pet deaths and stuff like... Santa cuz they're children's feelings will get hurt. No wonder we have so many feminists and SJWs that claim clapping triggers anxiety. PM_ME_STDS

27. Bless Us All...

Everything about religion... any religion. Dredly

26. Leafy Green Lies

My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like Popeye, and if I ate it I could lift the house.I would have a few spoonfuls and then she'd rush outside with me. I'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and I'd run back inside and finish it off.

-- aza9999

25. Food Court

Happy Meals are for poor kids who's parents can't buy them toys and they're sad.

If you touch your peepee without going potty, it'll fall off.

If you eat enough vegetables, your body makes them taste like candy.

If you don't wipe your butt properly, it'll close up and you'll have to spit out your poop.

If you don't color in the lines, you'll start losing color and only see in black and white.

If you pee in the pool, you'll get the girls pregnant and have to get a job.

If you don't wash your hands before you eat, your food will start to taste like poop.

We aren't French so you can't eat French fries from McDonalds.

Lucky Charms are for Leprechauns. If you eat too many you'll shrink and have to wear a green suit and have a red beard.

[username deleted]

24. Rock Garden

My dad said if I could look after a special growing rock, and watered it each day until it stopped growing I could get a dog. I'd water it and every week, while I was at school he'd replace it with a slightly bigger rock.

--AppleChiaki

23. The MusicMobile

I told both of my kids that the ice cream truck was the "music truck." It's purpose was to drive around and cheer up all the sad people.

--No_Filter217

22. Screaming For Ice Cream

I did that too! Told that story yesterday after hearing one from a co-worker: she told her son, who is afraid of clowns, that ice cream trucks were driven by clowns. He heard that music and sprinted to his room. Evil genius of a parent.

[username deleted]

21. When Will Grandma Be Ripe?

My dad told me when I was really little that graveyards were people farms.

--yusuf69

20. I'll Have the Chicken Fish

We got our daughter to eat fish by calling it "Argentinian Chicken." That worked for a long time until grandma came along and messed it up. Thanks, Grandma.

--effthegreen

19. The Family That Scares Together

My dad always told me he was terrified of mice and rats so we couldn't go to Chuck E Cheese. I legitimately believed that until my cousin told me her dad (my dad's twin) had said the same thing.

My dad also told me there were monsters in our basement so I wouldn't go down the stairs and hurt myself. And one time, he paused saying goodnight to me and said "huh, thought I heard something in your closet. Oh well, night!"

He was awesome. I'm totally doing all those when I have kids.

--hometowngypsy

18. The No-No Button

My dad always told me, that if I press a certain button on our remote control our tv would explode. As I grew older, I was curious and pressed said button only to see he saved adult channels on this one

--lisasavestheworld

17. Poor Kitties!

When we went to the store my mom used to tell, "Every time (you) touch something a kitten dies."

--iamnos

16. Groundhog Easter Day?

My father told me (and my Catholic cousin) that Easter was the day that Jesus rolled back the rock, and if he saw his shadow we'd have six more weeks of winter. My aunt was beyond pissed when my cousin broke that out at her first communion.

--sunnynorth

15. Calamari is What?!?

My parents got me to eat calamari by telling me they were Italian onion rings.

--iamnos

14. Watermelon Whine

I was told swallowing watermelon seeds would grow in my stomach.

I had a very nerve-wracking couple of months waiting.

--bNoaht

13. Toilet Ball

My dad told me that if I swallowed chewing gum my poop would bounce up and down in the toilet.

I cried when I swallowed some gum.

--iamnos

12. By Invitation Only

Chuck E. Cheese is only for birthday parties. You have to be invited to one to go there.

--iamnos

11. In the Red

…my dad used to tell me if the RPM gauge in his manual transmission car got into the red the car would explode.

I am guessing I talked too much in the car because after that I never wanted to ride with him.

--shredda1212

10. Better Save The Batteries!

They don't make batteries for that toy.

--iamnos

9. How Do You Get an Angry Meal?

I told my kids if they didn't behave in the drive-thru line they'd get a sad meal.

--iamnos

8. The Popsicle of Truth

My mom told me my tongue turned purple when I lied. One day she caught me in a blatant lie, right after a grape popsicle.

I ran to the mirror and began to apologize until I cried. Never lied again... until I realized it was baloney.

--jfqs6m

7. Santa Needs a Break

My dad used to tell me Santa was tired of cookies and milk, I'd get extra toys if I left Doritos and a drink. That went on for years...

--iamnos

6. Watch That Word Count!

People get 10,000 words per month. If you reach the limit you can't physically speak until the new month begins.

Anytime I was especially talkative, Dad would say, "Careful now, I have to think you are up over 9,000 by now." That would shut me right up.

--iamnos

5. Prepare for Takeoff

My dad told me that pushing the seat recline button on an airplane helps the plane take off, and that if not enough people push it the plane would crash.

--iamnos

4. Orange You Glad?

My friends dad took it a step further. He says that one night his dad glued a small branch to his ear so when he woke up he thought an orange tree was growing out of his head. After seeing him crying for a while and after a few choice words from a disapproving mom his dad confessed and took the branch off. He said he was mad at his dad for like a week straight.

[username deleted]

3. Crumby Excuse

My mom told me that eating bread crusts would give me curly hair.

--Ice_Burn

2. Cat's Outta The Bag

Whenever I was having a tantrum in the supermarket as a small child my mum would go 'oh god! Did you see that kitten!? It just ran under that isle!!' And get all excited. Straight away I would stop having my tantrum and start looking for this kitten! Every time. For the rest of the trip I was so busy looking for the kitten and if I ever lost enthusiasm she would go 'oh look! There It went! I just saw it again!'

It took me longer than I would like to admit to realize that there's not a plague of kittens wandering around every shop in my home town.

On the plus side I now use this trick with my nephews and friends kids when they start having a tantrum in public. I have yet to see a kid that this doesn't work on.

--flaced

1. Seasonal Toys?

My mom told me that companies only advertise bad products, because they have to trick people into buying their crap. It stopped me from begging for toys and also made me fairly immune to adds as an adult.

She also told me that certain toys, books, movies, and songs were 'seasonal' and you couldn't use or play them out of season. Which meant that she could rotate stuff every few months. Kept me more interested in my toys, and gave her a break.

[username deleted]