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Guy Asks If He's Wrong For Telling His Girlfriend Who Is Self-Isolating With Him That His Apartment Is Not Her 'Home'

A guy opened his home to his girlfriend of almost two years to self-isolate with him.

While a couple sharing a space together is an auspicious beginning to a relationship, Redditor "just_sayin112" quickly discovered that she was uncompromisingly loud and disrespectful.


After rudely being interrupted out of boredom during an important conference call, the Original Poster (OP) reminded her that his apartment was not her "home."

"My girlfriend Jasmine and I are both 26. Will be together for 2 years in July," wrote the OP.

"We don't live together however she moved in with me to quarantine. This is week 8 of Jasmine living in my apartment with me. We had originally looked at it as a trial period for actually living together."
"I've been working from home, Jasmine hasn't worked in almost a year, however her father pays her rent and I pretty much pay for everything else she needs."

Living together during the pandemic revealed a lot of things about Jasmine.

"Before the pandemic she kept her days busy with yoga classes, exploring the city etc. But now all she does is loudly FaceTime her college friends, smokes weed by noon and makes noise while I'm on work calls."

On a recent occasion, the OP asked her to be respectful about one thing and she didn't come through for him.

"Today I had an important call. I told Jasmine about it, told her on Monday that it would be on Wednesday at 3pm and practically begged her multiple times to be quiet during it because she usually isn't."
"She promised me she would stay in the living room (I work from the bedroom unless she wants to nap) so you can imagine how intensely irritated I was when she interrupted my call by coming into the bedroom and loudly screaming into the air that she's bored."

im done GIF by Chicago Med Giphy

He was absolutely flabbergasted and understandably upset.

"Why would she come in and scream 'IM BORED!!!' out loud during the call when I told her multiple times how important it was for her to be quiet during this call?"
"During the call I ignored her cry of boredom despite it honestly humiliating me in front of my superior. She sounded like a child."
"I'm embarrassed that my girlfriend interrupted such an important call in such an unreasonable way."

A discussion revealed just how presumptuous she had been about their living arrangement.

"After I was done with work we spoke about it. She told me that since she's staying with me it's her home too and that I can't silence her for hours all day."
"I told her that her staying with me during a pandemic does not mean that my apartment is her home, I pointed out the fact that it is my name on the lease and it is me who pays the bills."

It was time for an ultimatum.

"I told her that if she wants to stay in my home she has to let me work so I can afford to live and provide for us both or else she has to leave."
"What seemed to hurt her was the fact that I said it's not her home. She's brought up that statement of mine multiple times now and has cried when talking about it."
"I don't regret what I said, but I do regret the fact that my words hurt her."
"At this point I don't know what to do, when you work your a** off to support a person who doesn't support your work it feels like a huge slap in the face."

smacked slap gif GIF Giphy

"I don't know what to do and I don't know if I should feel like an a**hole for shushing her all day but I feel like she's put me in a really tough position."

The OP asked AITA (Am I the A**hole) for telling his girlfriend that the apartment was not hers.

Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked to decide by declaring:

  • NTA - Not The A**hole
  • YTA - You're The A**hole
  • ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH - No A**holes Here
"NTA. She does not sound like a great partner and lacks basic respect. She basically sounds like a teenager."
"I feel like you should consider the future of your relationship."
"In the mean time, I can see why she was hurt about the home comment, but you do not owe her an apology. If she insists on acting like a child then make a sign that says 'STRICTLY NO INTERRUPTIONS' for the door when you are on an important call." – Danger__fox

Redditors suggested Jasmine may not be a good match for him.

"NTA. I stopped reading when she stormed in on your call & yelled 'I'm bored."
"Dude, no matter how hot & apparently well off this chick is-she's not worth it. You deserve better. She sounds like a spoiled brat who brings nothing to your relationship."
"Elevate yourself & find someone who can be a true partner. & I'm a women, if that matters." – doglover331

Just Saying Schitts Creek GIF by CBC Giphy

"All I could think about was RUN dude RUN (not literately of course it's his apartment). You're right about the red flags." – palkiewalk

This person suggested that referring to Jasmine as a teenager was unfair to teenagers.

"No she doesn't sound like a teenager. Teenagers are busy going to school, some of them have small part times to get some extra cash."
"And no teenager I know would interrupt his parent during an important work call screaming 'I'm bored.'"
"She is a fully fledged adult that doesn't study or work. Worse still, she doesn't even respect the fact that other people HAVE to work. She is spoilt beyond reason."
"OP, is this a partner for you? Can you see yourself in 10 years supporting a useless person like this?" – ErikaNaumann
"Oh please when I was a teenager the moment I saw my dad on the phone I stopped talking and left the room."
"She's a spoiled brat."
"My 8 year old nephew doesn't pull this sh*t." – Glttrnthclb

The girlfriend was compared to an energy-sucking entity.

"NTA. I hate to tell you this but you don't have a girlfriend. You have a parasite."
"And not a very smart one if she doesn't have enough sense to keep quiet so you can work to pay her bills. Pack her bags and tell her to get out before she costs you your job."
"Believe me, with the economy tanking, you don't need her dead weight pulling you down." – Zombiesquirrel57
"Exactly. Her daddy pays her bills and she's annoyed her partner doesn't keep her entertained."
"Maybe OP should buy one of those playmats for babies with the dangly keys and rattles to keep her busy while he tries to work." – skeever2
"NTA. She is complaining about you not respecting her by silencing her but then goes ahead and doesn't respect you working."
"It's not that hard to stay quiet, she can facetime or watch a movie with a reasonable noise level. If she can't follow one simple small rule in your home then she can go to her own place."
"Why are you providing for her and she's not working at all? I might be harsh here but I don't support people who just leech off others so they can have more free time and then in your case complain on top of it." – sciencenerdx

Like many couples, time will tell if their self-isolating together will either bond them or break them.

*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*

The book What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship is available here.