When it comes to choosing between spending time with your family or your significant other, jealousy can often spark drama if one party feels neglected or passed over in favor of the other.
But where do those complaints cross the line?
Redditor aita3309703 recently found himself in an unexpected situation with his fiancée, so he turned to the subReddit "Am I the Asshole" (AITA) to see if his outrage was warranted, asking:
"AITA For yelling at my fiancèe after she hid my glasses?"
The original poster (OP) laid out what went down.
"Me M31 and my fiancee F26 have been together for 2.5 years. Engaged for 4 months."
"We currently live together in an apartment an hour away from the hospital where my dad is staying. He has Lung Cancer, his condition hasn't been improving and I been visiting him and my family whenever I can to see if they need anything from me."
"My fiancee's cousin's wedding was yesterday. I don't like attending weddings and large occasions especially now that my dad is struggling so I'm not really in the mood."
"But I decided to go anyway since my fiancee insisted. But I got a call from my mom wanting my help at the hospital."
"My fiancee heard me while I was talking on the phone and threw a fit when I told her that I can't go with her to the wedding because my mom needed me. She argued with me but I told her to have some empathy and realize how much pressure she was putting me under."
"I noticed my glasses were missing and without them it was impossible for me to drive. I looked everywhere and I couldn't find them. Although I was certain I left them on the coffee table."
"I spent nearly an hour looking and I was getting so frustrated."
"I didn't have a choice but call my mom back and explain the issue I was dealing and apologize for not coming. Thankfully she said she'd call my sister and the call ended."
"In exactly 10 minutes after the call ended, my fiancee walked out the bedroom wearing her dress and holding my glasses in her hands telling me to get ready to go to her cousin's wedding."
"I was stunned. I knew she hid them because when I asked where she found them she said they were on the nightstand but I looked there and I couldn't find them."
"I literally yelled at her for pulling this nonsense so that I won't go to the hospital and go with her to the wedding instead. I told her I won't go after this."
"And she yelled back and said that my family are treating me like a doormat by constantly asking me to come and taking advantage of me."
"She said that I should let 'someone' else deal with their never-ending problems and focus on us. She tried to convince me but i still refused because I was so pissed. I took my glasses and I left immediately."
"I didn't find her home and I started getting texts from her mom wanting to know what was wrong but I haven't replied to her thinking she'll instantly take her side."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Not only did everyone agree that the OP is NTA, they also had major concerns about his relationship.
"NTA. Your dad is dying of cancer and she did this when your mother needed you? Dump her."
"She has some SERIOUS issues. Don't let this slide or something worse will happen."—LingeringInSpace
"Yea she has serious lack of social awareness here."—briliant22
"That has nothing to do with social awareness and everything to do with extreme self-centeredness and lack of empathy."
"What a terrible thing to do."
"I rarely jump on the 'dump them' train but in this case, she has shown such a breathtaking lack of respect for OP, his choices, his emotions, his autonomy... and so blatantly... this isn't someone you want in your life."—mementomori4
"This exactly. Your fiancée just showed you very clearly that she values her own social priorities above not only your final times with a dying parent, but also above your explicit consent and autonomy."
"OP please don't marry this person."—saltpancake
"NTA, and you are nuts if you marry this woman."—IChooseYouSnorlax
Many pointed at that the OP's fiancée used his visual impairment to basically hold him hostage.
"And removing access to an assistive device OP needs to navigate day to day life so that she can get what she wants is so manipulative and abusive holy crap. OP run."—B*tchRen
"I really really want to highlight this. She took advantage of a disability."
"Would she have hid the wheelchair of someone who was paraplegic? This is straight up abuse."—thedarknesshasarms
"That's all I could think - you took advantage of an assistive device rendering someone disabled."
"If someone took my son's cochlear implants to be cruel I would be furious. Holy sh*t. NTA."—Legal-Ad-321
"Also, you mean ex-fiancee."
"Let's make something clear, YOUR DAD IS DYING."
"He is literally fighting for his life and she prioritizes a wedding over you possibly losing your dad. She clearly has empathy issues and you gotta drop her."
"She literally withheld your glasses to prevent you from helping your family, she used your disability to trap and you manipulate you to do what she wanted."
"I'm sorry, but there is no coming back from something like that. Drop her."—revanchisto
"Even IF your family was treating you like a doormat (which it doesn't from how you described it), she shouldn't have taken your glasses to prevent you from leaving."—ahrithritis
The OP chimed in to say even he's confused as to why his fiancée thinks his family is treating him like a doormat, saying:
"I don't know why she thinks I'm a doormat just because I'm standing by my dad's side and supporting him through these difficult times."
"Lung cancer is the worst and it's so hard seeing him struggle."
And he was met with a wake-up call.
"Because she's selfish and she thinks insulting you will get you to do what she wants."
"Play the tape forward and imagine what will happen if you marry this woman: Do you think she'll be supportive and understanding that, if your dad's condition gets worse, you'll be spending more and more time at the hospital?"
"Do you think she'll drop any plans she had to rush to you if you need her? Do you want her next to you at his (or any other's) funeral?"
"If you have to handle legal stuff after your dad passes, will she be patient and understanding?"
"Does she understand that the grief of losing a parent can take YEARS to manage? That you will be sad not only on important days like his birthday and Christmas, but on just random days when it hits you?"
"Will she stop being a person who expects you to care for her and just be there to care for you?"
"I'm sorry about your dad."—MaIngallsisaracist
"She's not upset because she really thinks you're a doormat. She's upset because you won't be *her* doormat."—herculaneum
The OP certainly has a lot to mull over in regards to his relationship with his fiancée.
But if things don't turn around, he may consider permanently hiding something of hers—her engagement ring.