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Elementary School Teacher Asks If She's In The Wrong For Refusing To Allow Pregnant Woman To Come Into School To Use The Bathroom

A teacher refused a complete stranger access into the school to use the bathroom.

The problem was, the stranger was a pregnant woman who urgently needed to pee.


Redditor "throwaway3920912" struggled with her decision to turn this woman away and asked the "Am I the A$hole" SubReddit community if she was NTA (not the a$hole).

The original poster (OP) explained what happened after seeing the woman outside of the school's main office, which was closed.

"I'm a 6th grade teacher at a K-6 elementary school. I was working late a few days ago, and as I was ready to leave, I noticed a woman at the front door."
"The main office was closed, but on that day there was an afterschool program going on. Kids sign up for it and they spend 3 days a week after school playing in the gym, taking art lessons, learning how to code (basically whatever they want to sign up for they can do)."
"I opened the door and asked if she was picking up a student, and she said no, and pointed to her belly and said 'She's going to be my first one.'"

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"I asked what she wanted, and she said she was out for a walk and has to use the bathroom."

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"I told her I cannot allow anyone in the building for that reason."
"If she was picking up a kid early from the after school program, that is one thing, but I cannot let someone inside the building that has no reason to be in there. She told me she lives in the neighborhood and will only be a minute."
"I repeated the bit about not letting anyone in unless they have business in the school."


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"School policy is any visitor must have an ID, must be checked into the main office, and other procedures are in place for the safety of the students."
"Staff/adult bathrooms are basically one stall rooms and they need a key to unlock/lock. The other bathrooms are for student use only."

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"She asked for my name, I gave it to her, and she left."
"I feel awful. I really do. But an elementary school isn't a public place for people to walk in and wander around. It doesn't have public bathrooms."
And there were a lot of other students in the building and their safety was at risk (a very low risk but its never 0). I've been reprimanded (verbal) in the past because I let a kid in the school after hours to grab his math book that he forgot in class (he proceeded to take a few things from other desks on his way out, nothing major, just pens and pencils)."
"Am I the A$hole?"

Would you trust a random stranger – pregnant or not – wanting access to private property? What if being pregnant was a ruse and she had malevolent plans? What if she was a crazy relative of one of the students?

With so many questions left unanswered, Redditors agreed the OP did the right thing to protect the students.

You can't blame someone for adhering to strict workplace policies.

"NTA, her being pregnant doesn't mean she's entitled to being let off the rules. the rules are there for a reason, good on you for following them." – eipten
"Seconding this NTA as a woman who is pregnant in the third trimester and has to pee almost every god damn hour. It's annoying as all get out, but I know I plan to never be far from a restroom."
"OP made the best decision for the kids. I don't want some random person, pregnant or not, roaming my kids school." – BrightCosmicLaser
"And if the woman lives in the neighborhood, as she said, then she should have just walked back to her house to pee!" – Korooo

Some were skeptical about this woman's motive.

"Yes! She was just waiting in front of a school door AFTER school hours and hoping someone would walk by to let her in? It's not logical at best and shady at worst."
"By that time, she could have made it home to use her own toilet." – SavingsBaby
"This was my thought. It seems that for someone who isn't horribly entitled or downright shady that they would have pulled on the door, found it locked, and then waddled on home to pee."
"The fact that she hung around makes me feel she was up to something." – Momof3dragons2012

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You never know about people's real intentions.

"I was more thinking she could've been trying to gain access to a student on behalf of a relative who isn't allowed access for good reason."
"I mean who knows, people do crazy things." – LilStabbyboo
"To be fair, it hits you quickly at that stage because the baby kicks your bladder a lot. She probably didn't have time to walk back to her house."
"That said, if you are that pregnant, you know never to be very far from a restroom and it doesn't give you the right to go into a school that is locked down for a reason." – 9mackenzie

And just because a woman is pregnant, it does not make them entitled to pull a V.I.Pee.

"Same here. About to be 38 weeks and pee every 20 minutes. Dont care how bad I have to go, I'm not going to demand to be let into a school, unauthorized, with children in it after being told no."
"Being pregnant doesnt make you the queen, people don't have to bow to your every whim. And if she lived in the neighborhood......why didnt she go home to pee?" – Weak-Status

If Reddit had to choose, the pregnant woman earned the distinction of being the a$hole.

"I think she is an AH for even asking.A school is not generally an 'open to the public' building."
"Outside of having official business, an event of some sort, or some other real reason to be there, schools aren't going to allow you in."
"She strolls up after hours, finds the doors locked, and asks about coming inside after someone eventually sees her. This puts the person answering in a bad spot regardless of answer, either turn away a pregnant woman or allow her unauthorized entrance into the building."
"It's a choice between potential social consequences or potential employment consequences. Putting someone in that spot makes her the AH." – Rufert

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The OP later wrote that the random person did not file any complaint that she knows of.

"Thanks for the replies. It has been eating me up the last few days and I just had to get it off my chest and see what others thought of the situation."
"So far there has been no complaints, or there was and the principal didn't think it was necessary to talk to me about it, there is no way to know for sure yet."

She also justified that allowing her onto property would not have been a good idea.

"To those that suggested I escorted her, the first adult bathroom is in the middle of a hallway, and I would have to pass the gym (filled with kids and 3 staff members) and the art room (filled with kids and 2 staff members) to lead her to it. So I would have been seen by other teachers/staff."
"She was outside the door ringing the main office bell, which no one was answering because no one was in the main office."
"If parents wanted to pick up their kids early from the after school program, they would have to email the teacher to let them know they will be coming early, otherwise all the kids leave at the same time."

The OP added that she works and lives in the U.S. and that the school rules are known to be more strict in comparison to international schools.

"We've had custodial issues in the past with parents trying to take their kids (I'm sure this is common in many schools these days), especially when the kids are outside during recess. We've also had parents confront students outside for a variety of issues."
"If I knew the parent, or she was there to pick up her kid and had to use the bathroom, that's fine."
"During parent teacher conferences, parents have to use the bathroom, and that's okay."
"But those are during days where the front door is open and unlocked. But to me she was a stranger. And my responsibility is not only to those kids in the school."

We hope this pregnant woman managed to get to a restroom in time. If she didn't, it would not be the OP's fault.