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Dad Accuses His Wife Of Not Being A 'Good Mother' After She Refuses To Breastfeed Their Baby Now That She Bites

Dad Accuses His Wife Of Not Being A 'Good Mother' After She Refuses To Breastfeed Their Baby Now That She Bites
David Pereiras/EyeEm/Getty Images

So many things about being a new mother are hard, but undeniably one of the hardest is figuring out how to feed your baby.

And for mothers who have decided to breastfeed, they next have to decide whether or not to continue when their babies begin teething or biting.

One mother shared her story, stating her husband wasn't supportive of her giving up breastfeeding after their 10-month-old began biting, even though it was causing her pain.

Redditor "PrimaryCartoonist9" wrote into the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit, explaining her difficult situation.

The mother asked the Reddit group first:

"AITA for not breastfeeding my baby because she bites?"

She explained that breastfeeding became more difficult and painful since her daughter started biting.

"My daughter, 10 months old has recently started biting during breastfeeding. When she starts to bite, I simply tell her 'no' and put her down immediately. I only started doing this recently because my breasts kind of look like a war zone- I'm bleeding and sore because of the biting and simply cannot take it anymore."

Because of having to set her down, the mother started supplementing with milk and formula.

"Instead I've been pumping, but even that is extremely painful until I let my breasts heal. Instead I've been doing a mix of pumping and formula."

Her husband does not agree with this approach.

"My husband does not like this. He was okay with me pumping and feeding our daughter until I started supplementing with formula. He believes that breastmilk is best and formula is the devil because it's not 'natural' or something. At this age, I'm giving her milk around 4-5 times a day, and still attempt to breastfeed once or twice a day."

Her husband felt so strongly about the formula, he went to new lengths to make sure his wife would breastfeed.

"It reached the tipping point yesterday when he hid the formula so I'd have 'no choice' but to breastfeed our daughter."

Her husband also thinks this experience says something about her qualities as a mother.

"I ask him why he's doing this, and he simply says he doesn't think I'm [trying] hard enough because I stopped simply because she's biting me, and that a good mother wouldn't stop doing what's best for her child simply because she's in pain."

Redditors anonymously commented, rating the OP's (Original Poster's) situation on the following scale:

  • NTA: "Not the A**hole"
  • YTA: "You're the A**hole"
  • ESH: "Everybody Sucks Here"
  • NAH: "No A**holes Here"

Some Redditors found themselves incredibly angry over the husband's actions.

"I honestly don't know that any single AITA post has ever made me so angry ever. Holy s**t, OP you are so far from the a**hole it's insane." - ladyblack7
"I don't even have children and I am furious for her. What's best is a fed child. NTA but the husband sure is." - Lomedraug
"I'm bloody LIVID at this man. L I V I D!! The baby is already partially weaned anyway?! Husband can f**k right off into the sea."
"OP, your baby sounds healthy and well cared for. You're a good mama! You may need to dump your husband, I'm not kidding. Hiding the formula is a horrific thing to do. Hope you are okay and can get over this." - smilelikeyouownit

Others thought this qualified as abusive behavior and entertained the idea of the mother leaving her husband.

"Good God, OP. You dropped some of these [red flags]."
"That man is now starving your baby to reach you a lesson. WTF NTA."
"Btw the kid I formula fed exclusively is the smartest of my 3 kids (shh don't tell the others I said that) but they're all perfectly healthy and decent human beings. Just feed them because Fed is Best!!!" - LadyMjolnir
"I would go as far as to say the fact that he hid the formula so she'd be forced to breast feed is borderline abusive. He purposefully put her in a position where she is forced to do something she doesn't want to do with her body and endure pain while doing so."
"Caring husbands shouldn't do that. One look at her bloody and beat up breasts and he should instantly be worried and trying to find out what he can do to help elevate the pain." - SuperFreakingTired

Or maybe the husband could take over the breastfeeding, if it's that important to him?

"Let him breastfeed if he thinks it's so easy" - pujpujaa
"You can tell him to call up his doctor and ask for medication to help him induce lactation. Then the baby can gnaw on him." - MilksUnicorns
"Seriously, let the baby bite his nipples, see how the hell he likes it. Jesus criminey, she's (hopefully) going to be transitioning to solids only soonish, it's not a crime to want to be done with breastfeeding at this point. Your baby isn't going to spontaneously get all the diseases in the world just because you're no longer breastfeeding exclusively." - calliatom

One Redditor also pointed out that by hiding the formula from his wife, he also wasn't prioritizing his baby being fed.

"Yep. [I work in] childcare here, too, and 100% on the 'Fed is best!' Bandwagon."
"OP is NTA, and we aren't talking hard enough, about how OP's husband is apparently willing to starve his own child, to prove a point...."
"Because that's what it boils down to, when he's hiding the formula here."
"And that's SO f**ked up!!!" - EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Some also needed to remind the mother that this is her body, not her husband's.

"I'm seeing red!! How dare he gaslight you in this manner? Try harder? Bite his d**n nipples drawing blood and see how he likes it!! Definitely NTA your husband is a major AH. My rant is over have a serious talk with him about the him crossing boundaries. It is your body and does not have a right controlling your choices in this manner. Please bite him please!!" - vee1021
"NTA!!! And ask how well he'll perform if his wiener gets repeatedly bitten. I am furious about this. He doesn't get to decide what you do with your body."
"How demeaning. You are not a wet nurse! This post is going to keep me up tonight. I feel so angry that he thinks this is appropriate."
"I'd hide every freaking thing he enjoys in the house. Junk food? Beer? Video games? Cable TV? None of those are really good for you." - travelheavy65

The mother definitely needs to discuss this further with her husband, but at the end of the day, the main concerns should be the baby being fed and the mother's well-being.

It sounds like the dad needs to take a second look at what that means.

*If you enjoyed this article, you can read more like it by clicking on the AITA link below.*

The book Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby's First Years is available for pre-order here.