Producer Andrew Kimmel recently took a quick trip to Mexico in order to retain his Executive Platinum status with American Airlines.
Though the flight was supposed to be a quick there-and-back with no complications, the trip quickly spiraled out of control and, before long, Kimmel wasn't even sure if he'd be able to return to America.
He detailed the entire story in a viral Twitter thread.
*Warning: Andrew's story contains offensive language*
Dear @AmericanAir, After arriving back to LA from Indonesia, I was $275 EQDs under (yet 25K miles over) from maint… https://t.co/FP9HVP8c22— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577835535.0
I managed to find a cheap hotel room and rented a car for $35. I went out for a nice dinner and met a family who su… https://t.co/Vu1UAlR7By— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577835968.0
Kimmel's trip began going downhill when he visited a local bar.
At the last bar of the evening, I was presented with a bill for over $300. I had two beers. The bar manager said I… https://t.co/yOUgU11Sul— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577836129.0
The bar manager was now threatening me. He grabbed me and brought me to an ATM outside. I refused to take out cash.… https://t.co/BAjkWZFm4H— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577836289.0
Kimmel was actually getting himself mixed up in a surprisingly complex conspiracy.
Of course the police were working with the bar manager w/ the tourist swindle, so the police handcuff me as the bar… https://t.co/mbIZhhIBb0— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577836593.0
The police bring me to a jail somewhere outside of Cabo. I asked if they could at least get my passport back. They… https://t.co/giYyNsPWOZ— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577836804.0
From jail, Kimmel was left to wonder what would happen next.
“My fucking wife is going to kill me...” he tells me. I tell him to say someone else started a fight with him... bu… https://t.co/grhTQAwDKY— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577836949.0
Three hours goes by. “Capitan? Capitan?” I shout through the bars. It’s now daytime and my cell mate tells me he’s… https://t.co/nPyCbBdJCA— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577837118.0
Now cold and jetlagged from my previous day’s travel from Indonesia, I decide to rest my head on the metal tray bed… https://t.co/sbl84glKGq— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577837330.0
Fortunately, Kimmel was saved shortly thereafter by a guardian angel.
I doze off. I’m awoken several hours later by an officer. “Your friend pay bail.” What the fuck? Im given my belong… https://t.co/zLHV7PJZSo— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577837476.0
I thank her over & over and ask what she was arrested for. “I ordered an Uber and the driver said I didn’t pay.” Fu… https://t.co/c3aMSA1Bcd— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577837690.0
Yet another kind stranger helped Kimmel in his journey back to America.
Imagine if a Mexican & a Kenyan came up to a car in the US & asked for directions. Anyways, we get to the marina &… https://t.co/pIo2dnQsOP— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577838078.0
I have no fucking clue what I’m going to do. I call passport control in the States to report a stolen passport. The… https://t.co/pBIwY8RNGs— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577838223.0
Now Andrew has to somehow leave the country without a passport. It proved quite difficult.
I tell the airline agent what happened and ask if there is anything I can do to get home. I show her my Real ID (wh… https://t.co/w3MeBQzpoy— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577838396.0
I’m directed to the immigration desk as the airport and advised I need to purchase a new immigration form for $35.… https://t.co/ml2RYVBX94— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577838541.0
That's when things took a...romantic turn?
I run back to my friend in the rental car, tell her I can make the last flight out, but I needed more money 🤦♂️ At… https://t.co/5NUE2IeP0X— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577838820.0
My phone finally turns back on. I let my friends know I’m in Mexico without a passport and just spent the night in… https://t.co/trvh3odR2N— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577839081.0
“If you don’t make your flight, you can stay with me at my Airbnb,” my jail crush tells me. Fuck. What once was “ge… https://t.co/7XoQqqXGGB— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577839452.0
Sadly, Kimmel couldn't stay and pursue his jail romance any further. He had to find a way home!
So to sum it up, I was $275 short for status... was given an offer to maintain for $1875 (!?), took a $400 flight t… https://t.co/ZsZtsacgOy— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577839988.0
At long last, Kimmel made it home and was more than ready to celebrate a new year!
MADE IT BACK TO LA!!! Time to change out of my two-day outfit and celebrate. Have fun out there tonight ❤️ https://t.co/Vtk3YGHnnc— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577859682.0
Many people wondered about the identity of Kimmel's jail crush.
You didn't get the name of your Kenyan crush? Haha! What an experience https://t.co/BQXLjekxZc— Philip Mwaniki (@Philip Mwaniki)1577889778.0
@Mwanikih Her name was Megan 😜— Andrew Kimmel (@Andrew Kimmel)1577891004.0
@andrewkimmel That narrows it down to like 8K women. 🙃 but glad ya'll are safe— Philip Mwaniki (@Philip Mwaniki)1577891307.0
But perhaps the best response came from American Airlines, who replied to his insane story with a canned response.
@andrewkimmel Reaching Executive Platinum status isn't easy. For those who make it, the benefits are amazing! We're… https://t.co/LwaJ9zBGkq— American Airlines (@American Airlines)1577835914.0
@AmericanAir @andrewkimmel Omfg 😂😂😂😂— 🎄Jingle🎅Jamie🎁 (@🎄Jingle🎅Jamie🎁)1577904409.0
@jrtoastyman @AmericanAir @andrewkimmel https://t.co/Di4ETH4rAw— Disnebraska 🥌🏰🚡🚝💻 (@Disnebraska 🥌🏰🚡🚝💻)1577905725.0
We're glad to have you back in America, Andrew, be careful with future trips to Cabo!