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After Two Stillbirths And A Miscarriage, Couple Waits To Reveal Arrival Of Newborn On WhatsApp

PA Real Life/Tiny Feet Photography

After two devastating stillbirths and one miscarriage, a woman kept the amazing news of her most recent pregnancy secret – announcing it via WhatsApp when the baby was born, with a photo message saying, “We can't believe she's here."

After suffering three tragedies in as many years, in their bid to become parents, duck farmers Amy and Oliver Everatt, both 33, kept quiet about their news, as they could not face telling people again if they lost another baby.

Only sharing the news when their “little miracle," Elfine, was born and declared fit, the couple's jubilant announcement said: 'Elfine Stella Everatt' born 25/10/17 weighing 3lb 13oz, mum and baby doing well. We can't believe she's here.'


Amy announced Elfine's arrival via WhatsApp (Collect/PA Real Life)

Founder of Help Us Grieve (HUG), an app and website to support grieving parents, Amy, of Langford, Nottinghamshire, said: “We kept quiet to protect ourselves, because we had already lost three children and we couldn't face telling people we had lost another one.

“We didn't want people feeling sorry for us, looking at my bump thinking I would probably lose it. So, we decided if someone asked, then we wouldn't lie, but we wouldn't actively tell people."

A couple for 14 years, Amy and Oliver first met at preschool and always wanted a family.


Amy is the founder of Help Us Grieve (HUG), an app and website to support grieving parents

(Collect/PA Real Life)

When Amy had a straight-forward pregnancy with their eldest daughter Lilia, seven, in 2011, they imagined everything would be straight forward when they began trying for a brother or sister for her.

But, after discovering she was pregnant in 2013, Amy's joy quickly turned to heartbreak, when, at 18 weeks, she noticed her baby had stopped moving inside her.

She recalled: “I noticed the baby had stopped moving, but because we were still quite early in the pregnancy doctors thought it was okay. Deep down, though, call it a mother's instinct, I knew something wasn't right."


Amy pregnant with Meridon (Collect/PA Real Life)

Tragically, at 19 weeks, visiting the hospital, she was told the baby girl she and Oliver had called Meridon had died.

Refusing to lose hope, they tried again and were thrilled when they discovered they were expecting the following June.

Then, in October 2014, after being involved in a small car crash, Amy had a precautionary check-up, discovering that the baby girl, who they named Addie, had died.


Adorable Elfine (PA Real Life/Tiny Feet Photography)

Both times, devastated Amy had to carry her stillborn children for a further five days until an appointment could be scheduled for their birth.

“I was petrified and had post traumatic stress disorder symptoms afterwards. We had funerals for both our girls, attended by only me and Oliver," she said.

“It was the most heartbreaking time, as we really wanted a bigger family."

"We can't believe she's here! " - Amy's joyous announcement

Then, just after Christmas 2015, Amy discovered she was pregnant again, but at just 12 weeks she had a miscarriage.

“Nothing was coming up on my test results, explaining why I could get pregnant but couldn't seem to hold on to the babies," she said.

“We saw a specialist at the recurrent miscarriage unit at Hertford County Hospital, two hours from our home, and were told if we did want to try again, we would need to take medication as soon as I fell pregnant."


Amy and husband Oliver (Collect/PA Real Life)

Then, in March 2017, the magic blue lines appeared on Amy's pregnancy test once more.

“ I was so filled with anxiety that I called our specialist before I told Oliver," Amy recalled.

“When I did ring my husband, he was so positive and said, 'We can do this!'"


Amy pregnant with Elfine (PA Real Life/Tiny Feet Photography)

As a precaution, however, the couple decided not to tell anyone about the pregnancy.

Given twice-daily injections of the blood thinner Clexane, thought to help prevent blood clots from forming in the embryo and placenta, as well as an aspirin once a day and steroids, only Amy, Oliver and their medical team knew about the pregnancy.

At 16 weeks they shared the news only with Amy's mum, retired nurse Wendy Crowe, 64, so she could help with looking after their eldest child when they went to hospital appointments.

“Some people could obviously tell I was pregnant, but they would just offer to take my bags, for example, and respect we were keeping it private," Amy said.

Having weekly check-ups at Hertford General Hospital, medics warned they may need to deliver the baby, who they discovered at 20 weeks was a girl, early because Amy was prone to miscarrying.

Then, at 35 weeks, medics decided it was time for the baby girl to make an appearance – and she was born at Stevenage's Lister Hospital by elected C-section, on October 25, 2017.


Lilia and Elfine (PA Real Life/Tiny Feet Photography)

“When she arrived they put her in an incubator straight away as she was so tiny. I only got to hold her at four days old, and I was terrified again," Amy said.

“She was small like the girls we had lost, weighing just 3lb 13oz, and I was desperate for her to be okay."

“I felt like I'd been holding my breath for 35 weeks, petrified at every scan that we were going to have lost her."


Amy in hospital after her miscarriage (Collect/PA Real Life)

Kept in hospital for two weeks, Amy and Oliver then shocked friends and family with their news.

“We sent a picture to our nearest and dearest, announcing little Elfine's arrival," Amy smiled.

“It was a big surprise for everyone, as nobody knew I had been pregnant."


Amy pregnant with Elfine (PA Real Life/Tiny Feet Photography)

Now almost one year old, Amy says you would never know her girl was born premature, and the family have never been happier.

“It was only a few days ago, looking at a school photo Lilia had done, where we took Elfine in for the sibling shot, that it really hit home that Lilia had a sister and that Elfine had made it," she said.

“She is the most beautiful and happy little girl. Lilia is so happy to have a sibling and we feel so lucky too. We call Elfine our little miracle."

For more information visit www.helpusgrieve.co.uk

A version of this article originally appeared on Press Association.

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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

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