The longer you're in a relationship, the more likely it becomes that you or your partner will brainstorm ways to spice things up in the bedroom.
But sometimes our partners can leave us a little confused in their requests.
Take, for instance, the guy who's currently trying to puzzle out why his wife keeps suggesting that he sleep with one of her friends.
We've heard of some strange bed fellows, but this wife's persistence is a little off-putting.
The guy shared his confusion in the "Relationship Advice" subReddit, wondering how he should respond.
The OP (Original Poster) "throwra574584" stated to the sub:
"My(29[Male]) wife(29[Female]) is trying to push me into sleeping with her friend(27[Female]). I'm not sure why, and I'm not sure if I should do it."
Years ago, the OP and his wife had an unusually pressing conversation about her friends.
"My wife of 3 years, 10 years together, and have what I think is a solid marriage and sex life."
"A a long time ago she asked me if there was any of our mutual friends I was attracted to. I told her that I only had eyes for her."
"She said she was serious and said she want to know names. I refused to answer. She's kept trying to get me to tell her, and eventually I broke and said a name."
"She then asked if I would sleep with her. I told her of course not. She then asked if I would if we weren't married. I still said no, my wife said I was lying and she kept pushing me to answer otherwise."
"I again just gave up and said sure if I wasn't in love with her I'd sleep with her friend. That was the end of the conversation."
Recently, the OP's wife has brought her friend back to the table.
"Over the last few months the friend has came up in conversation."
"My wife specifically has been comparing herself to her. Like she'll make a comment on how said friend has a better butt then her or is more well endowed than her."
"I'll always tell her that she's better looking, but she won't believe me. I get the feeling she is very upset that I said that, and is now jealous of her friend because she caught my attention."
Now the OP's wife is suggesting more than just talking.
"3 weeks ago my wife offered to get me and her friend together. I was taken aback and asked her wtf she was taking about."
"She then said that she knew I wanted to sleep with her, and that I thought she was better looking than her, and she would understand and wouldn't care if we slept together once."
"I told her that she was speaking crazily, and that I wasn't into her friend. She then said that it's not going to hurt her feelings if I am, and that she really thinks that I should accept her offer."
This has become such a priority to the OP's wife that she won't stop bringing it up.
"I told her no, and she legitimately asked me if I would f**k her friend. I again said no."
"I asked why She wants this. She said it wasn't some weird fetish. That she just wanted me to be satisfied. I told her that I couldn't sleep with another woman."
"She had been asking me to do this for a while now and she even told me that the friend is open if I am. Which bothers me that she told her friend about this."
"She really wants me to do this for some odd reason and isn't letting it go."
"I'm tempted just to do it so I don't have to hear it again, but I really don't want to sleep with anyone other than my wife. But apparently she's all for me banging a friend that she is jealous of."
"This is such a strange situation and I'm really at a loss. Can anyone tell me why she's like this, or what I should do?"
Fellow Redditors wrote in anonymously, offering suggestions to the weirded out OP.
A few Redditors cautioned that this sounds like the wife has a severe insecurity in their relationship.
"No... this is some sort of very insecure trap. The way she was talking before... idk, sounds bad."
"I think you need to very firmly tell her she needs to stop this. Get tough. It's not alright and it is hurtful to you that she thinks of you this way and is talking to her friend about all of this. You feel pushed and pressured and uncomfortable."
"If she is insecure, she needs to learn to deal with those issues and stop projecting them onto you in crazy ways. Therapy, really, because this is pretty crazy." - i-Ake
"Yeah, don't take the bait, OP. It would be fine if it was for fun, but it sounds more like an emotional trap."
"She's already got OP constantly reassuring her she's attractive. [At] this level, it's a type of manipulation. She's making him responsible for whether she feels attractive."
"The offer with the friend is probably intended to make him even more responsible for her feelings. After he takes her up on it, he'll hear constant whining about how he likes it better with her. Or she'll announce she has been cheating, too." - stupidreddithandle91
"This. You kind of wrote it yourself, no? You told her you can't sleep with another woman while you are in love with her. Whether you do or dont the monent you f**k her friend you have given her all see needs to logically conclude you don't love her."
"This is like to see if you will give in and then nothing but h**l if you do. [Even] though she is being soooooo persistently annoying, [it] reads like a conclusion that would end with 'HAH! So you dont love me then!'" - whozitwhatzitz
Some also questioned if the wife's persistence stemmed from cheating, or wanting to cheat.
"Could also be her trying to let him get even because maybe cheated?" - Dont-Drone-Me-Bro
"As persistent as she is and as suddenly as it came on, [cheating is] my first thought. Second, she wants to experiment and is putting the decision to do so on him and isn't being honest. Third, insecurity." - el_deedee
"No I'm more pessimistic the trap is opening up the relationship. Get OP to sleep with someone first so there's no guilt in her sleeping with someone else."
"Either way DON"T DO IT. I would honestly set firm boundaries, don't give in and tell her that is not an option and she should stop bringing it up. Also some marriage counseling would be beneficial as it would force her to justify these inappropriate comments/questions in front of a trained and neutral third party." - jackmammu
"This actually sounds like the most if not the only 'logical' reason. How about you try turning the tables on her [and] try asking her if she is attracted to someone else and if you gave her a pass who would she bang." - forbiddenf*pmaterial
Others reminded the OP to stand up for himself, despite his wife's persistence.
"It seems like she fears her husband desiring someone else and she thinks, whether consciously or not, that if she is the one to initiate and push for this then it won't hurt her as badly as if it came from him first and/or happened behind her back."
"Like she's trying to 'get ahead of it.' But what she's really doing is setting herself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy by pushing OP away from herself and towards her friend, and believing her insecurities over her husband's description of his own feelings." - drfuzzysocks
"It's a way to feel in control in a situation where she otherwise feels complete lack of control (of her own insecurities and strong irrational emotions). In her mind, he is totally going to cheat with her friend, she just knows it's going to happen, so may as well push him into it, so that way it's not him cheating on her and her being helpless, is her taking back power and having full control of a situation that will inevitably happen."
"OP, don't ignore the fact that, while she's doing this to soothe her own extremely unhealthy coping habits, she's completely disregarding your own boundaries. Your values and boundaries state that you will not sleep with anyone else except your wife, and she is bulldozing right through those."
"You are well within your right to be very assertive here and tell her you will not tolerate such disrespect. It's bordering onto manipulation, and you know fora fact that that isn't her intent, so she needs to work through this in a healthy manner." - theoreoestofpandas
"I was waiting for a sound Redditor to say this, because she's either stuck in some insecure trap and the possibility she wants him to 'owe' her."
"OP, your wife sounds like an insecure pushover and I would tersely sit her down to have a serious conversation about boundaries."
"She is spinning your responses into answers only she finds justified and you need to shut it down pronto."
"I would also detail how inappropriate it is for her to tell said friend about this as it was brought on only by her insistence. Further coercion from her will result in you demanding she gets her own counselling as well as couples counselling unless she wants to fess up on exactly why she's been pushing the subject against your will."
"Honestly, wtf is wrong with some people." - realistSLBwithRBF
It's clear the OP's wife is spinning some kind of web-like trap, but it's unclear why or for what purpose.
The Redditors here who suggested therapy, or at least a terse conversation about boundaries, seem to be thinking in the right direction. The OP needs answers, not a fling.
