The Best Responses To 'What Are Your Intentions With My Daughter?'

Necessity, Not Romance

"If things go well I intend to ask for your daughters hand."

"Because I'm tired of using mine."

– Random_Guy_47

"I'm assembling some Ikea at home and just really need a second set of hands."

– Copytechguy

"Extra points for bringing the manual to show you need two sets of hands."

– OfUnknownOrigin

It's Not About Her

"I'm only dating her to gain access to you."

– Unsolicited_Spiders

"Bonus points if you get them a case of beers"

– beanstastebad

"I actually had a friend that used to play Warhammer with his girlfriend's dad...."

"When they broke up he continued to come round every week to play Warhammer with her dad"

– sfxpaladin

"Stacy's mom has got it going on."

– JBlooey

Life Of Crime

""I need a getaway driver, sir.""

– inksmudgedhands

"I’m trying to assemble a team of crime fighters and I believe she has a certain set of skill that make people like her a nightmare to people like you."

– RedDingo777

""Between you and me, Sir... we're gonna steal the Declaration of Independence.""

– TheBlueSerene

Hidden Meaning

"I'll have her in bed by 11pm, sir."

– ForcyBo

"... and home by 1."

– Parsel_Tongue

""who's bed?""

"That's the fun part."

– revs201

Winners

"To see if I can make her as happy as she makes me"

– thatguywiththeposts

""Sir, with any luck at all. Avoid making a total as**of myself and hopefully have a nice time"

– ShortAndSad4381

Struck Speechless

"Intentions? None, I just wanted to hang out. Why do you ask?"

"I just said something very similar once and her father had no idea what to say."

"Those questions are stupid."

– RacistBlackDigger

""That's my question too! She dragged me here!""

– HelveticanCheese

The Benefits

"I always hear that question and think of it like "why do you want to work here.""

– LillyLing10

"The benefits."

"Work: health insurance, sick pay"

"Daughter: friends with benefits"

– NicNoletree

Now There Are Some Twists!

"To get what she ordered, sir; this is a Wendy's."

– M3mph

"Incorrect. Best response is "Daughter? I'm here to pick up your son.""

– Busy_Confection_7260

Turn It Around

""What are your daughter's intentions with me?""

– AbreakaTech001

""Well sir, what were your intentions with her mother?""

"I have...actually used this one...it went over well, as you can tell, by the fact im actually alive."

– lowexpectationsguy

I'm Not Violent, I Swear!

"So, maybe not on topic but; I started dating this girl in college. One night we were at the club dancing, it got crazy and I accidentally hit her in the eye with my elbow. Big shiner. That week I met her dad and had to explain I hit her in the eye, accidentally… wow, was that uncomfortable"

– JonSmith12345

Ouch! That story probably hurts more than the eye!