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Sometimes people realize they weren't really compatible or their priorities have changed over time and they decide to part ways. They might not remain in close contact as friends, but they aren't mortal enemies either.
However, too often breakups are like...
As a romantic partner, it's a horrible experience.
As an outside observer of the ensuing chaos? Let's be honest, sometimes we can't not watch the train wreck.
Sometimes we want to watch it crash and burn.
Reddit user ScarTissue5 asked:
"What’s the craziest story you’ve heard of a couple breaking up?"
Don't 💩 Where You [Work]
"Newly married woman—a teacher at a local school—cheated on her husband—also a teacher at the same school—with the principal of the SAME SCHOOL."
"They got caught in the act on school property."
"Both their careers—wife and principal—ruined and probably ruined the husband's life."
~ PioneerDingus
School Brawl
"At the school where I work, an English teacher slept with the wife of a theology teacher. The two teachers happened to be best friends since high school—the same high school where we were all teaching."
"Anyway, the wife confessed to her theology teacher husband one morning that the affair had been going on. The theology teacher drove up to school, walked straight towards the English teacher’s classroom, saw him in the hallway and punched him the face."
"A couple other teachers came out of their rooms and broke it up. The theology teacher was fired."
"The English teacher is still there, but was ostracized by all the older teachers who worked there at the time this all went down. This was about 12 years ago."
~ Fitzy2225
Worst Flight Ever
"Well, my ex broke up with me at the beginning of a 10 hour flight. I kept chattering away about the flight/trip and didn't notice things were bad until we got home the next day."
"We lived together at the time and his mother picked us up from the airport."
"He never told me directly on the flight—just kept saying things like 'don't think I'm gonna go back there' and other vague things like that."
"He kept being so vague. The reason we went away was to visit my family and he told my parents that he would propose to me on the trip."
"That's why I wasn't cluing into his words. I thought everything was rosy."
"We were dating for almost 5 years. He didn't want to get married and wanted to date his long-term childhood friend instead."
~ TimelessTravellor
What's Up With Schools?
"My son got a new boy in his class when he was about 6—we live in France, so the school system is different. They quickly became very good friends as it turned out they only lived down the road from us."
"A nice family—mom was a teacher at the same school and they also had a daughter that was two years older than the two boys. We met several times for drinks with this family, did some activities together like hikes and beach picnics."
"Could say we were quite good friends. A couple of years on, the old school principal retires and the new principal starts shamelessly pursuing our friend—phone calls, flowers, gifts."
"She is blown away by his attention and starts an affair with him. For example, the kids went on a three-day school trip in the mountains—she was one of the accompanying teachers—and the principal goes with them—he never went to school trips otherwise."
"The affair was the talk of the whole school. The son told my son 'Mr B—principal—will be my stepdad soon'."
"There was a messy divorce, as far as I know. We are not too much in contact with this family any more—our sons are still friends, they are both 14 and still in the same class."
"The principal and the teacher are still at school—they got married straight after the divorce was finalised. The kids are still in that school."
"I really feel sorry for the ex-husband. He was really nice, really loved his wife, was a great dad—he really didn't deserve this."
~ fiore132
Bills, Bills, Bills
"A truck driver got married and buys a nice house. He’s on the road paying for it. One day he comes home and the wife is gone and six months of bills and a foreclosure notice is on the table."
"For six months she took every $ he made and kept it for herself until she eventually split with all his money."
~ Wrong-Currency5146
"Damn, this also happened to my cousin in Denver, who was a trucker driver."
"Not only did his wife not pay the mortgage or bills for their home, which resulted in foreclosure, but also, when she left, she left their 4 kids behind too."
~ exceptionallyprosaic
"My grandfather was a fisherman and my grandmother did this to him and left my mother and my aunt behind."
"It broke him so hard then when he came back and found his entire life was gone—my mother and my aunt were taken by the state and he couldn't get them back—he spent the rest of his life wandering around basically homeless."
~ omg_a_midge
At Least 3 and He
"I had a coworker who was almost retired and did one of those DNA kits with her husband. He was a Mergers and Acquisitions consultant who traveled for work for at least two decades."
"They found out that he had fathered 3 kids that were now adults. Who knows how many more."
"She divorced him after 42 years of marriage."
"I remember her crying in the office very vividly."
~ CherryManhattan
Never Say "It's Me Or Your Pet"
"My former hair stylist had a female friend who was dating this guy who had a pet pig. It was huge, like a full grown pig."
"The pig hated the woman and would push her out of bed to take her place next to her boyfriend. One day, she had enough and told him it was the pig or her."
"He told her that the pig was there first, so he dumped her and stayed with the pig. Man that must have been a blow to her self esteem."
~ ega110
Climbing Up That Hill
"A couple in the blue mountains west of Sydney, Australia were climbers, indoor and outdoor. They climbed all day everyday—it was their life."
"He left her because he was at like level 45 and she was at like level 41. I can't remember the exact numbers, but I remember they were pretty close.
"He said she was holding him back. So, adios."
~ dntdrmit
When The Cat's Away...
"Friend was an underwater welder. Terrible job, but pays well. They won't let you work after a certain age though (40?).
"Friend and his partner had bought an amazing house in the Philippines near where he worked and every dollar was now going into his retirement savings because the career was so time limited. Work was a couple weeks out at sea, then a couple weeks back and so on."
"One day he gets home, discovers his partner has sold the house and put all the proceeds as well as all the contents of their (his!) savings into HER parent's name and then bugged out. Yes she had been cheating on him."
"My friend tried, but couldn't get any substantial money back due to everything having been in both their names, and nothing was left in the ex partner's accounts anyway. The in-laws were untouchable because he can't stop his partner from giving her parents a gift."
"So he was close to retiring and living the sweet life in comfort in a glorious home he owned outright to being nearly aged out of his career and also totally penniless."
"He moved back to Canada and lived in a crowded shared house with a bunch of 20-somethings and started from scratch as a construction worker at 40."
~ 867530nyeeine
...The Mouse Will Take Everything
"I'm a commercial sailor and have heard this story sooooooo many times."
"Worst I heard was this guy sailed for his whole life and was about to retire. He'd accumulated a decently large portfolio of houses and commercial properties in either the Philippines or Thailand."
"If I remember right, non-citizens cannot own property or had to pay a huge amount in taxes or some, so it was all in his wife's name."
"Something like a year before he retired, his wife divorced him and nothing was in his name so she got it all."
"He was ~60 years old and had to completely start over."
~ Ajk337
Patriarchy In Action
"My dad told me this story from back in the early 70s when women in my country were not allowed to have or manage their own bank accounts. This lady, a stay-at-home mother of five, would often come to the bank were my dad worked."
"She came from a pretty wealthy family, so she had savings, but as she married her entire wealth passed to her husband. She comes that day and asks for some cash, as she would usually do."
"My dad checks, double-checks, triple-checks : the bank account is empty. He goes to his colleagues, and one of them tells that that the woman's husband had come earlier in the day and emptied the account."
"The lady turns white as paper—my dad thought she was going to faint—and storms out of the bank."
"She came back a few days later absolutely devastated. Hubby had abandoned them. Her and the FIVE children."
"Not only was he gone, but he fully disappeared, like she could not trace him. After a few years, I think she discovered he had gone to South America."
"She and the kids were left to starve. My dad tried everything in his small bank executant power to help her get her money back, but hubby had every right to do what he did according to the laws."
"That poor lady turned from being one of the wealthiest bank clients to the brink of homelessness in a day. She had to return to her parents with the five kids, suffer the guilt and the shame and so on."
"Thankfully for her, she found love again a few years later and got in a better situation, but as my dad said, never understood how a man could be so cruel."
~ TinyLittlePanda
💨😳
"I have a friend who was very insecure in high school, like... very insecure."
"She was dating a guy and accidentally farted in front of him."
"She was so embarrassed that she broke it off immediately after."
~ stevenconrad
Maybe Meet In Person Before Blowing Up Your Lives
"Friend of a friend, guy and girl meet online. Both are married and live in different countries."
"Guy was in US, girl was in Australia. For over a year they talked, developed strong emotional bonds, and built their whole lives around getting out of the marriages they were in with their respective spouses and they did so."
"The whole plan was the guy was going to move from the US to Australia to be with her."
"After all that destruction, they met and there was ZERO physical chemistry. Not sure if it was him or her or both."
~ dreadfulwater
Is This Algebra?
"Idiot X is seeing two girls, A and B, simultaneously. He marries girl A, while still seeing girl B, who knows X is actually marrying girl A.
"Marriage to A lasted one and a half year then ends because girl A found out about ongoing affair with girl B."
"X divorces girl A and marries girl B."
"Another year and a half passes. X cheats on current wife, girl B, with former wife, girl A.
"They go to a hotel on a weekend, leave the hotel and get hit by a truck right outside of it. Girl A and X end up in the hospital in bad, but not life threatening condition."
"A friend of X is contacted by the hospital because the nurse on shift knew them both. He is told 'X and his wife were in an accident'."
"Nurse missed the 'former wife' part."
"The friend of X calls current wife's mom, to tell her B was in an accident with her husband. Daughter, girl B, is right there with her mom."
"Hilarity does not ensues, but second divorce does."
"Idiot X remains an idiot to this very day."
~ JamesJakes000
That last one...
I guess A and B never heard the saying "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you."
What's the craziest breakup story you’ve heard?