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Portland-based author treats herself to a fancy dinner and finds herself witness to the most bizarre date ever between a Wolf Girl and James Spader's doppelganger.
Hugo award finalist and novelist Sarah Gailey writes stores about murder and monsters, yet sometimes real life turns out to be stranger than fiction. This is exactly what happened when Gailey treated herself to duck at a fancy restaurant one evening, only to bear witness to a dinner date that we are still wrapping our heads around.
Note: This is a summary of Gailey's twitter-story. To read her full account unedited, go HERE.
Like a true narrator, she begins her story like so: "Who wants to hear the story of the date I witnessed between Wolf Girl and James Spader's Lonely Doppelganger? I HOPE IT'S YOU."
Who wants to hear the story of the date I witnessed between Wolf Girl and James Spader's Lonely Doppleganger? I HOPE IT'S YOU— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508978652.0
A man sits at an adjacent table who is the spitting image of James Spader. Sadly, he turns out not to be the esteemed actor of Stargate, The Practice, Boston Legal, and currently of The Blacklist. Gailey does a double-take before coming to this conclusion.
Retweet if Reddington is your favorite fictional character. #TheBlacklist https://t.co/3rUvg18orX— James Spader Update (@James Spader Update) 1509125383.0
As she enjoys her delectable duck, the Not-James Spader constantly looks over at her as if he wants to say something. But Gailey's demeanor makes it clear that she wants to savor her meal in peace. Then things get really interesting: "Finally, a PERSON storms in and FLUMPS across from him. My overall impression is: BEDRAGGLED YOUTHSOME LADY."
Finally, a PERSON storms in and FLUMPS across from him. My overall impression is: BEDRAGGLED YOUTHSOME LADY. But she's not just any BYL.— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508978940.0
Our narrator and witness to this strange encounter recounts the opening dialogue:
Not James Spader: You made it!
Bedraggled Young Lady: Yeah, sorry, I was at a rave and lost track of time.
NJS: [adjusts tie] Oh, uh, um, a rave? Like, uh, at a club?
BYL: Yeah, but it was like weird. Whatever
NJS: ...what's that you're wearing?
This is when our narrator reveals an important detail regarding the appearance of the Bedraggled Young Lady. That's right, she is wearing a wolf onesie.
Cosplay Costume Kigurumi Cartoon Grey Wolf Sleepwear Onesie Pajamas Womens XL ;; link in bio https://t.co/HkwOwsP0rU— onesies (@onesies) 1484580157.0
Not James Spader doesn't seem all that surprised or put off.
Not James Spader shifted in his Nice Date Suit as the young lady popped up her Wolf Onesie hood and showed him the paws and said "raaaarrr"— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508979265.0
Our narrator is feeling sorry for Not James Spader, but then Wolf Girl (formerly Bedraggled Young Lady) looks at the menu, and an even bigger plot twist unfolds. Wolf Girl complains that there is nothing good on the menu, aside from the pork.
Not James Spader gasps. "You eat pork?"
"I don't eat pork," he said with all the gravitas of a man in a suit on a date with a girl in a wolf onesie, "because pigs eat cats."
At this point, the obviously eavesdropping waitress and obviously eavesdropping me exchanged a glance like https://t.co/22QmoQjtMC— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508979704.0
The rest of the story goes just as unexpected.
"Yeah," he said, "Pigs mostly subsist on a diet of cats. And cats eat rats, which is disgusting. You wouldn't eat a rat, would you?"— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508979838.0
While pigs are omnivores, which means they eat both plants and animals (just like us), their general diet tends to be plant-based. So I'm afraid we have to call Not James Spader's statement about pigs mostly eating cats an alternative fact.
Wolf Girl said no: "My fake ID got confiscated at the rave." "No worries," Not James Spader replied. "I can get you in at my ex-wifes bar."— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508980019.0
Eavesdropping Waitress brought me a big glass of free champagne and said "so... do pigs really eat cats?" reader I didn't have an answer— Sarah Gailey (@Sarah Gailey) 1508980237.0
This is where the story ends, with Not James Spader and Wolf Girl (who turns out to be not old enough to legally drink) running off into the night in search of the weird and peculiar, perhaps at his ex-wife's bar no less, leaving us with one burning question on all of our minds:
"Do pigs really eat cats?"
We may never know. Or do we?
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