Living with a roommate requires a lot of communication and compromise.
But what constitutes too big of an ask?
A 23-year-old female Redditor was wondering about exactly that question after her 22-year-old female roommate asked her to accommodate certain guests. She turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor Log-Kind asked:
"AITA for refusing to take stuff down in my room?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I live with my roommate in an apartment. It is a pretty big apartment with three bedrooms and two baths."
"We each have our own room and we use the extra bedroom for a guest bedroom. We each decorate our bedrooms as we want and we don't argue about that aspect of it."
"Recently, my roommate said that her parents were gonna come down for the holidays. I was completely okay with that, I was going to my parents for the holidays so I didn't mind at all."
"Until she told me I had to take the decorations down in my room. I have pride flags, some provocative posters, witchy stuff, among other things in my room."
"I didn't see why and she said it was because her parents are very conservative. I told her that it was my room, I will keep my door closed and why would her parents be in my room anyway?"
"She said that she just didn't want her parents seeing that. I told her I will lock my door, but I will not take all of my decorations I spent a lot of time, effort and money, buying and putting up and risking tearing my posters and stuff."
"She told me they will still find a way in my room. I asked how why would they want to go into my room anyway?"
"She threatened me and said she will move out and she knows I can't pay the rent myself. My friends are saying she's the unreasonable one because why would her parents be in my room."
"I don't know what to do. AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was definitely not the a**hole.
"Unambiguous NTA. What does she mean when she says parents will find their way into your room."
"Like by accident or will they just not care and wander?"
"Irrespective of the things in your room, that is another huge issue—they have no business going in there and if you indicate that your roommate should respect that." ~ robotsaremygame
"I'd say more like will actively break into any and all locked spaces and probably root through everything, judging it all."
"I'd be pretty shocked if the roommate has ever had any real privacy at home in her whole life.
"I'm curious to know if there have been any other warning signs about her parents, like if they helicopter parent her, make her do things, give them control, etc..." ~ usernamesallused
"Uh... NTA. Insisting her parents will 'find a way' into your room is both nonsensical and creepy."
"Definitely don't take down any of your stuff, lock the door to your room when you leave, and consider finding a new roommate ASAP." ~ ThePurestofPoisons
"NTA. She is basically telling you her parents will snoop on your room and break in if they need to. Not only should you lock your door, you should set up a camera."
"As for her threat to move out, she's free to do that. She is not free to control your room."
"If it comes to her leaving, just remind her she is still responsible for the rent if she is on the lease." ~ MightyMary007
"NTA. 100% NTA. If her parents want to get into your LOCKED room and complain about YOUR space, charge them."
"They have no right to be in a place you legally pay for. That's what I would do."
"You pay for your room, decorate it however you want." ~ Yngvild89
"Also, if the roommate wants to move out, let her! It can't be that hard to find a new roommate, one who doesn't make ridiculous demands. NTA." ~ usernaym44
" Your house. You pay rent."
"Your roommate is a total AH. Look for a new roomate."
"You are NTA."
"Tell her you'll come out wearing full pride gear if you want to push this. Who tf she think she is?" ~ lamb2cosmicslaughter
"'She told me they will still find a way in my room'."
"'Well , then they are not allowed to come visit, it's my apartment too, simple as that'."
"NTA, but I suggest putting up a camera inside your room for potential evidence and starting to look for a new roommate." ~ fireproof_bunny
"NTA. Your roommate has issues and there's no reason for her parents to come into your room."
"But watch out, I have a suspicion your roommate might try to take your stuff down if you don't do it yourself." ~ blvdlasalle
"NTA. There's no reason for her parents to see into your room and even if they did, they don't live there so get no say on how things are."
"She's threatening to move out? Cool."
"If she's on the lease she still has to pay her half regardless of whether she is there or not so if she wants to pay double rent until you find someone or your lease ends that's her issue." ~ PirateWater88
"Absolutely NTA. This is ridiculous."
"Start looking for a new roommate whether she makes good on her threat or not." ~ throwRA1a2b3c4d1
"NTA, but I'd try to have a conversation with your roommate. Her parents have probably controlled every aspect of her life, regularly inspecting her room, car, phone, etc..."
"She's never known privacy and knows that a lock won't stop them."
"She's probably just scared and doesn't know how to express her feelings about this to you. While what she's asking you seems ridiculous, there may be some room here for sympathy, and empathy, for her."
"Let her know her behavior is why you refused, but you want to talk with her because this is obviously important to her and you need to understand why if you're going to help her out here."
"There is definitely more here than she's told you." ~ Charlie-0724
According to Reddit OP was definitely not the a**hole in this scenario. She now has several options on how to move forward—with or without this roommate.