Kids have dark senses of humor. They also lack the ability to really mull over the effects of their actions, which can lead to some pretty capricious, if not downright disturbing, behavior. Maybe you weren't that little girl from Orphan––thankfully!––but you likely still managed to creep your families and friends out.
People shared stories about the messed-up things they used to after Redditor jaejaeat19810 asked the online community,
"What's the most disturbing thing you did as a child?"
"When I was 10..."
"When I was 10 and felt like I was being mistreated by my stepmother I would find small holes in her pantyhose or underwear while I was hanging out the washing and ripped them bigger. I also keyed her car along the base of the driver's door."
Keyed her car?
Carrie Underwood, eat your heart out.
"Stole..."
"Stole a condom from my older sister and put it unwrapped under my twin sister's pillow."
What is this, a John Hughes film from the 1980s?
"I loved Spiderman..."
"I loved Spiderman and decided I wanted to have superhero powers too, so I took a metal hanger, twisted it, and stuck it in the electric socket.
The zap I got made me drop it right away, but several days later, I thought "maybe I just need to hold on longer" and so I tried it again.
Mom caught me the second time and seemed very, very upset at the prospect of having a superhero for a son, so I didn't try it again."
I mean... naturally. Spiderman is cool, but I doubt someone would actually want Spiderman for a son, given what he has to go through to get that way.
"I got angry with my sister..."
"I got angry with my sister and put Nair hair removal on her pillow; thankfully she smelled it first before putting her head on the pillow. I was severely punished for this disturbing action."
Ummm... we hope you were. But we live and we learn.
"Stapled..."
"Stapled my own hand in grade 5 so I could get sent to the nurse to get out of class."
Best Excuses For Late Assignments That Were Actually True | George Takei’s Oh Myyy
"When my siblings..."
"When my siblings would have small coughs or something along the line, I somehow always managed to convince them they were either gonna die or were very sick. Not sure how I didn't get in trouble for this but I kinda think they were just silently expecting to die for a while."
Just between you and I, that's the sort of behavior that creates trust issues.
"My family had a pet goldfish..."
"My family had a pet goldfish and I, being an animal lover, couldn't handle its cuteness and decided to take it out of the water to cuddle it. It died."
Nooooo. The poor baby. He was so innocent. And so were you.
"I asked random people..."
"I asked random people when they were gonna die because I liked their job and thought people had one job until they died."
"When my mom's friend came over..."
"When my mom's friend came over, I would sit in his lap and stroke his hairy arms like a cat. My dad has a disorder that made all his hair fall out, so seeing hairy arms was fascinating to me. I look back at it and cringe, especially since I still know this person in my 20s."
"I caught a frog..."
"Welp. I caught a frog and put it in my pocket. My dad took me next door to meet the new neighbors and instead of talking like a normal child I talked like ET at 4 years old and asked the neighbor in my creepy alien voice "do you wanna see my frawwwwg"? They all laughed at me because I was a cute little curly-haired weirdo and said "Sure!" So I pulled this dead frog out of the depths of my pocket and proceeded to pet it, menacingly, and with a lot of pressure.
My dad was so embarrassed and we never spoke to the neighbors again. He has also told EVERY boyfriend I have ever had that story."
What have we learned today? That children are little terrors. That's exactly right. I laughed at these––laughed myself silly, in fact––but I am going to enjoy my childfree life.
Have some stories of your own? Feel free to tell us about them in the comments section below!
Want to "know" more? Never miss another big, odd, funny, or heartbreaking moment again. Sign up for the Knowable newsletter here.
