Many gay men have a fantasy of hooking up with a man they were attracted to who happened to be straight at some point in their life.
Everyone is attracted to people who don't share the same attraction.
But how many have actually followed through with that mismatched hookup?
An author known only as "Luke in the Midwest" did follow throug. He describes it as one of the biggest mistakes of his life.
Luke recounted that he thought his fantasy was coming true:
"If you've ever watched adult video or read gay based fantasy fiction, you've likely seen the dynamic where the gay guy parties with the hot straight jock and ultimately has his way with him."
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But soon found out it would turn into a nightmare, long term:
"At the time, I was in my early 20's and attending college in Texas for a general business degree. I lived on campus at the dorms and did things most students do – study, sleep and occasionally party."
"I had plenty of friends at the time; some happened to be gay and others, straight. One of the straight ones was Dillon, a scruffy faced, athlete from West Texas."
Dillon was gorgeous:
"There's really no way for me to describe Dillon except to say he looked a lot like Florian Munteanu, minus the tattoos. When I close my eyes, I can still remember his dirty blond hair, deep blue eyes his devilish laugh. 'How are you doing today Luke?' he used to say with a deep southern drawl."
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And then the pair started to get closer:
"What can I say – we got sort of close and spent a lot of time together. You know, crap like studying for hours in the library, working out at the campus gym and palling around with our group of friends."
"If you haven't already figured it out, I was in love with Dillon. Seriously, I was. And the closer we became as friends, the more I fell for him. It didn't matter to me that he had a girlfriend on campus or that he never missed an opportunity to tell me how much he liked shagging her."
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One night, after a particularly drunken time at a party, the opportunity presented itself:
"...by the time 2 am rolled around, both of us were 9-sheets to the wind but Dillon more so than me. I figured it was time to go when he started calling me 'Lukie.' That and him getting making the mistake of drunk-texting his mother and thinking it was his girlfriend."
"Once we made it to his place, I guided him to his bed and basically laid him down. But seconds after I did this, he sat back up and said, 'Hey, I'm still dressed – WTF.' What could I do? I helped him pull off his boots, take off his jacket and left him there with his jeans and Dallas Cowboys shirt on. He managed to partly pull it up above his torso but couldn't get it all the way off. Yep, I helped him with that too."
"So there he is, smashed out of his mind and laying there with a pair blue jeans on, shirtless."
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And then...it happened.
"And this is where I made the decision I now regret. I took advantage of the situation big time. I know guys I know – I shouldn't have done and yes, I was still drunk, but it happened. The specifics aren't really important. All I can tell you is that I helped him pull his jeans off and then his boxers. At some point, he guided my head towards his junk. I say guided because it wasn't like he was forcing anything – more like testing the waters."
"'Come on bud – you know you want to,' he said. 'It'll be our secret bud. Nobody has to know'."
So what happened to make Luke in the Midwest regret this night?
The ramifications began the very next day.
"The next day, I texted Dillon to see how he was doing. I got back a very short, 'Fine' from him. He didn't ask me how I was doing like he normally did and I could tell something was up. In fact, I knew there had been a serious shift in our friendship." Don't get me wrong, we continued to be friends and hang out. It just wasn't the same. I don't know how to describe it except to say that he was more distant and less friendly."
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The moral of the story, is it worth sacrificing the connection you have?
"My sense is that had I not gotten with him, the two of us could have remained good friends for life. We really did have a lot in common and genuinely liked one another. And he obviously knew that I had feelings for him based on what happened in his dorm that night."
The long-term effects can't be retconned from one choice.
"So I guess my advice to any of you reading this post who might be harboring fantasies about doing your straight best friend … please don't. Unless there are special circumstances, it will likely change your friendship forever."
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"It did mine and I really regret it. Seriously – I do."
There is no right way to navigate this situation for everybody. Sometimes, straight men are comfortable with exploring their sexuality.
Sometimes, they're not straight and haven't yet figured it out.
But drunk is never a good state to be in while making decisions about anything.
If a conversation isn't had about these feelings, about this need to explore—the long-term effects could hurt your connection forever.