They say that necessity is the mother of invention, but they also say that idle hands are the devil's playground.
It seems like this story is more an example of the latter.
There's no good way to say this so we'll just come out with it.
Someone has made a Fleshlight—the very popular penetrative masturbation toy for men—where the entry point is the face of Heimlich the caterpillar form A Bug's Life, and it's so wrong. This whimsical toy comes to us via Austin-based artist Malek Lazri.
He's made a promo video for the item on YouTube, so... brace yourself.
The video describes the Heimlich Fleshlight as "limited edition" and "gently used" with "light wear."
It also refers to Heimlich's antennae as "ticklers."
Lazri is currently selling the contraptions on Craigslist and eBay.
Yes that's right, for the bargain price of just $2000, you too can have your way with what Vice evocatively calls, "a Bavarian caterpillar from a kid's movie stuffed into a f**k-tube."
In his ads, Lazri describes it thusly:
"This is it, the holy grail, one of 4 in existence. 1998 'a bugs life' promotional fleshlight, never publicly released only given to a select few high ranking pixar executives for personal use."
pop tv wow GIF by Schitt's CreekGiphy
Be advised, though, that you can't actually have your way with Heimlich.
As Vice notes:
"This highly cursed item is arguably somewhat falsely advertised as it's not a properly functioning Fleshlight and is not actually f**kable since it doesn't have an opening..."
angry good mythical morning GIF by Rhett and LinkGiphy
Anyway, you'll be shocked to know it's not actually a promotional item made by Pixar. Lazri's Fleshlight was inspired by a meme that depicted Heimlich as the sex toy.
As he told Vice:
"I just thought it would be so great to make that a reality, to make it in real life. I put my own little spin on it."
And judging from the reaction on Twitter, people are relieved to know it's all an elaborate joke.
@VICE Call the cops— Future Sex Symbol Jfizzaldizzal (@Future Sex Symbol Jfizzaldizzal) 1589391983.0
@VICE https://t.co/OVfrgTsas4— Diana (@Diana) 1589389622.0
@VICE Why is there only a choice between reading news about corona and this— Amber Woods (@Amber Woods) 1589393376.0
You people need Jesus https://t.co/TvtZWhbITR— Asimov Newton 🇩🇴 (@Asimov Newton 🇩🇴) 1589405046.0
@VICE https://t.co/1y06rqTER8— René Holder-McClean-Ramirez (@René Holder-McClean-Ramirez) 1589389475.0
What a time to be alive 😭😭😭😭😭 https://t.co/pEAuNKBYr7— Keiron Kingsley (@Keiron Kingsley) 1589391281.0
Someone made a Bug's Life fleshlight and all I can really ask is "Why?" https://t.co/C1gORQYLVX— Happy Tobes Day! (@Happy Tobes Day!) 1589392947.0
@MensHealthMag xjwheqheuqwie WHAT— Cosmopolitan (@Cosmopolitan) 1589403405.0
Every day we stray further from god's light https://t.co/8cNRpqscAS— Fully Vaccinated Ohmu (@Fully Vaccinated Ohmu) 1589382372.0
I just saw a photo of an A Bug's Life themed fleshlight. It costs $2,000. God really has abandoned us.— justine. (@justine.) 1589397401.0
Surprisingly, there are no bids yet on eBay, so one of these wonderfully insane toys can still be yours.
As Lazri says, "do NOT SLEEP on this one folks!"
A Bug's Life (Two-Disc Collector's Edition) is available here.