The Expensive Monster

Younger Me: "Dad I don't want to walk downstairs at night. It's too dark."

Dad: "There's no monsters. We can't afford monsters."

nkmos19

O_O

My mom would always say "it's behind the milk!" when we would look for something and couldn't find it. Inevitably whatever we were looking for one day was simply behind the milk in the fridge and we couldn't find it. My mom exclaimed this from across the house in frustration and it became the exclamation for anything someone is trying to find. Meaning look harder, actually move other objects instead of just blankly staring.

savetheaglet

At Least It's Not Canned Bread

I used to run a pub. I had to refuse to serve a rather inebriated young man. Rather than say 'you think you're the best thing since sliced bread' he actually said: ' you think you're a slice of bread'.

Since then, in our family, anytime one of us does something rather clever, we are accused of thinking we are a slice of bread.

Mancsnotlancs

Someone's UK

"Not Kicking The Arse Off" generally meaning 'about' and 'around'. E.g "It's not kicking the arse off 10 o'clock" My mum made it up many years ago and we've always used it, however the full saying is "Not kicking the arse of a donkeys back" Didn't know it wasn't an actual term until a few years ago.

GegeE98

Is This Like White Shoes After Labor Day?

"Red shoes, no knickers."

My mum said this, that there's an implication women wearing red shoes weren't wearing any undies. Still haven't met anyone who has ever heard of it.

BPD_whut

The Skittles Approve

My mum often says "they have a face like a slapped arse" whenever she is talking about co workers who aren't taking her constructive criticism well. They often have a pinched expression, lips pressed tightly together/puckered like an actual arse hole...

When my dad is done eating and is asked if he wants more food, he will often reply "mate, I'm full as a zoo keepers boot!" (I'm Australian)

He also says "they were giving out brains, you thought they said trains and you missed it" when I didn't listen to instructions.

My personal one is "they're a few skittles/crayola short of a rainbow" if someone is a bit off mark on something.

HailCrystals

English?????

"What time dark" was something we would say to ask like the general question of when was like dinner and down time.

Turns out my parents were a** face drunk on vacation in a different part of the world before me and my sister were born when my mom turned to my dad and proclaimed "what time dark". Because she wanted to see the sun set but couldn't get the thoughts together.

So from 1-16 I thought it was a common saying, and from 16-24 when my mom passed every time she said something stupid we would just go "WhAt TiMe dArK???"

something98123

The Poor Goats

"You got goats"

My family's way of saying you had a wedgie, because it looked like there was a goat in your crack eating your pants. Quite embarrassing when I found out that wasn't a common phrase...

theothersoul

From All Sides

I didn't have any family "sayings" growing up. When I married my wife, though, dayum!

"At a hundred yards on a galloping horse, they ain't gonna notice." Obvious mistakes to you aren't obvious to anyone else.

The answer to how're you doing? "Fair in the middle, better'n some, worse'n others."

And instead of saying Um or Uh, or other follow on "fillers", they'd use "Well, what I'm gettin' at is:" or "With that..."

cwjbrownict

Well, 'Tis

Growing up with an Asian mom that was working on perfecting her English, she would often say "Aw that is the suck" instead of, you know, "that sucks".

Didn't take long for us to catch on and correct her but it was so funny we just kinda stuck to it, so when something is crappy now I'll instinctively say in my head "well that is the suck"

slothbarns7