A sudden death in the family can be stressful in addition to sorrowful. So having someone disregard the pain and grief can easily lead to anger.
A 26-year-old woman found herself caught between her 33-year-old husband and her mourning family, with both sides mad at the other.
She turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for moral judgement on her part in the situation.
Redditor Throwawayissue117 asked:
"AITA For yelling at my husband after we got back from my 7-month-old nephew's funeral?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My nephew passed away from [Sudden Infant Death] SID on Monday. It was sudden, it was devastating and I had to get my husband back from his work to go see my sister who was with my family."
"It was a 4 hour drive so we got there around noon. I stayed with my sister and helped around the house while my family were calling to let other family members know about what happened."
"My sister has a 6-year-old son. I helped take care of him most of the time for my sister and brother-in-law."
"It's been very difficult—my sister wanted to have a burial two days after her baby passed away."
"At first my husband told me he didn't want to go and wanted to watch the kids at my parents' home."
"When I told him that his family will be there and ask about him he said that he already told his mom that having a funeral wasn't necessary [because of the baby's age] and doubted that she'd even come."
"I told him he could at least show support for my sister and her husband. He eventually went with me and stayed with my dad the whole time."
"I kept watching him and saw that he was on his phone the entire time and it was obvious my dad was feeling uncomfortable by this."
"After the funeral he started going around asking the guests for a phone charger. I told him to stop because he was being inappropriate."
"He told me to ask my sister if she wanted to give us some stuff that belonged to my nephew for our baby."
"He said this in front of my mom and I didn't know what to say."
The OP shared in the comments that she is pregnant.
"He even asked my brother-in-law and my dad how much they paid [for the funeral]. He was surprised by their response, telling them that he thought [the funeral] was unnecessary."
"We returned yesterday. And in the evening my dad sent me a message saying that my husband was being inappropriate and they didn't appreciate his behavior in front of the guests and the family."
"Hd said that he was embarrassing them with his questions and that he should apologize to my brother-in-law and my sister."
"My husband saw the text and lost it. He called my parents ungrateful and awful."
"I told him they were right about what they said. And he said that I should've told them that he's done them a huge favor by attending in the first place instead of siding with them."
"And just went on about how awful my sister and her husband are and that they should put their remaining son up for adoption because they failed at being parents and that God saved my nephew from them."
"I yelled at him for what he said and his massive disrespect for my family."
"We argued for some time before he called his mom to complain to her about it. He's now saying that I'm in the wrong for siding with them and that I should call them after what they said about him."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were unanimous in their judgment.
"NTA, but I think you know this goes farther than just 'being insensitive'."
"Your family was grieving the loss of a small child and he had the gall to harass people for a f'king phone charger because he couldn't even pretend to give a sh*t about anyone there but himself."
"His behavior was frankly appalling and the fact that he doesn't understand that worrisome."
"I just hope he is able to grow some compassion by the time you have your baby." ~ BreyeFox
"Not to mention he asked the grieving parents for their deceased son's stuff. He may have only been 7 months, but that's still more than enough time to tie memories to those items." ~ My_Own_Worst_Friend
"My son is just shy of 7 months and I don't know how I would survive if he passed. The grief would be too strong."
"He's definitely left tons of memories already, as I'm sure OP's nephew did. Those poor parents."
"I'm surprised OPs husband didn't get his nose broken." ~ Nyx_Shadowspawn
"I'm a 34-year-old man with a 7-month-old son. It would completely ruin me if anything happened to him."
"Like I mean straight up hollow me out, I don't know what would be left to behonest. Obviously SIDS is a concern for any parent of a baby, and I've thought, how would one even return to work, I truly think a light would go out and never come back on for me."
"So sorry for OP's family and her. Not much in life could be more painful than what they're going through, I hope I never know."
"This husband must be absolutely insane. NTA." ~ KLowR6
"Exactly this! I can't even imagine the heartbreak of this family. So terrible that their son is gone, and her nasty, heinous husband has the nerve to not think it is important to even go?"
"Because 7 months old isn't a person to him? I don't understand his line of thinking."
"I don't think OP should raise a baby with him, doesn't sound like he will be a good father. He's definitely not a good partner in life that he couldn't just be there in support for his grieving wife/in-laws." ~ Haybaleryt
"And then went asking the father and grandfather of the deceased baby how much they spent for the funeral." ~ GoodQueenFluffenChop
"And then telling them it wasn't necessary.
'I think you shouldn't have bothered to have a funeral for your dead son'—yiiiikes." ~ aldhibain
"NTA Your husband is a monster. Why are you with him?" ~ sqitten
"NTA, AND WHAT THE F'K IS THIS MAN EVEN A HUMAN? DOES HE HAVE ANY EMOTION? They lost their child and he does THIS?"
"If someone in my life did this, I don't care who they are, they aren't welcome home until they learn basic human compassion. I'd never be able to see them the same way." ~ Goodwin512
"Exactly what I thought. How can you say that a baby's funeral is unnecessary?
"And then ask a grieving mom and dad for their deceased baby's stuff? HOW COULD HE?"
"I'm so angry right now, and I'm a complete stranger! NTA OP." ~ poeza_fluffy
"Yeah, like what the hell? This man sounds like a complete narcissist. NTA." ~ Vagrant123
"NTA, he was incredibly out of line. I'm sorry that you have to deal with him. They just lost their child and he had the nerve to say that?"
"You really need to ask yourself is this the kind of person you want being a parent to your child since you mentioned in a reply you're pregnant." ~ whitewer
The OP provided no update, so it's unknown how she plans to proceed. She definitely has some things to consider.
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