Even though we all know that not every relationship can last, sometimes we've invested a lot of love and time in a relationship, and it's hard to imagine it not working out.
Sometimes it takes a really serious wakeup call to realize that the other person is not 'the one' we thought they were.
Redditor Sshmiff asked:
"When did you realize that your partner was not, in fact, 'the one'?"
Just Too Much
"I always knew. It was way too intensely passionate (almost toxically bound to each other) and it was always extremely anxiety-inducing."
"Anytime I would bring up something that bothered me, it was an 'attack' or me being 'negative.' I walked on eggshells and constantly had to rethink my needs and wants to meet theirs because I was the a**hole, so I needed to change, but it never was enough."
"We never spent time outside of either of our places: no dates, no follow through on any sort of plans... etc."
"Basically trust your gut. You may be wrong, sure, but if they don’t try to meet you in the middle when you’re asking for your needs to be met or try to make you feel secure when you have momentary doubts they likely never will. It sucks but that’s all you need to know."
- unpolisheddiamond
There's No Coming Back From That
"When I asked why she showed me no respect at all in private and in front of others, she said, 'Oh, like me respecting you is sooo important.'"
"I saw her as a completely different person from then on."
- Spudderz888
Nothing In-Between
"We never had an okay day. We had amazing days and awful days. Never just a nice okay one. Think of always manic or always depressed, no breaks. It was tough but had to break off."
- VeryNorcal
"Honestly, my boyfriend and I used to be kinda like this, years ago. It took a lot of working on ourselves and with one another to grow and get past that sort of drama/behavior. (And we have! Live a happy, calm domestic life together.)"
"But I still feel anxious when I think about it. It was exhausting living that way."
- Louielouielouaaaah
"I totally believe it can be overcome and glad to hear you two were able to! Sadly, by the time couples counseling and efforts were being made, too much damage on both ends had occurred. Had we had a more healthy foundation, who knows what would be?"
"I hope you are both able to communicate those anxious days away."
- VeryNorcal
No Means No. Seriously.
"When I realized he doesn't take no for an answer for ANYTHING."
- mochi_chan
"My ex was like this! It was exhausting. It was always, 'But why,' 'Explain why to me.' So I’d explain, but if the explanation wasn’t up to her liking, she would keep pushing relentlessly."
- Kiki98_
He's the Insecure One
"When I found out that one of my close friends had suddenly died and I burst into tears, he said, 'What are you insecure about this time?'"
"And when I said I just found out my friend died, he turned around and walked out of the room."
"The next day, I was talking to his mum about it in the kitchen, and she was comforting me, to which he again said, 'Can you stop being insecure?'"
"His mum practically tore him in half with words. I left him soon after, and I'm now in a very happy and healthy relationship, with someone who also helps navigate my grief with me."
"I miss his parents sometimes, though. They were lovely people and deserved a better son than him."
- L-Marieee
Walking On Eggshells
"Being single was better than being with him. It hit me all at once like a lightning strike. I’d been so tied up in trying to appease him and get him to chill the f**k out."
- Upvotesspoodles
"Ugh, it's so f**king irritating when you end up walking on eggshells in a relationship. You micromanage yourself and it's f**king exhausting."
- DeathByLemmings
Ghosted at the Pickup Gate
"When I went to the airport to pick her up, flowers in hand, and stood there until the last of the luggage had been picked up before I realized she hadn't even gotten on the plane."
"She ghosted me intentionally. I had to call her mother to make sure she was physically ok but she refused to talk to me and ignored me for like three weeks."
"Right before she boarded her plane home after the last trip, we said 'I love you' for the first time to each other, so I thought things were going well. In retrospect, it should have been a red flag to me that she did something similar to her ex by completely ghosting him as well because she was 'bored' with him."
- ListfiendLurks
Not So Magical, After All
"He screamed at me in public in front of our friends when I beat him at Magic the Gathering."
"He literally had a win con so he would win at the beginning of his round, and I killed him off. He got so mad he yelled at me in front of six other people that I targeted him and that I’m a b***h."
- Natalia1702
So Ungrateful
"When I made him a surprise. I bought him some gym shorts, and he didn’t like them and started to throw a tantrum in my face, telling me how dumb he looked in the shorts and how he would never wear them at all because, 'Look at how stupid they are.'"
"He then threw the package box in my face (and that was the moment I knew I had to run)."
- AsleepDay_
Growth Mindset
"When I celebrated their growth, but they were angry at mine."
- Mystery-Bass-Man
"This one is so satisfying to read. A lot of my friends ask me why my last relationship ended, and this actually ended my last two."
"It was like they couldn’t be happy for me and would shoot down any success or any feelings of being excited I had."
"It’s so hard to articulate, though, and I find married couples say, 'It’s not always rainbows and sunshine,' and I am like, nobody ever said that. I just sometimes like to experience joy and feel supported as a guy."
- Gaaarden18
Quality vs. Quantity Time
"She hated when I wasn’t with her, and she wasn’t happy when I was."
- ThisOnePlaysTooMuch
"I once heard it put 'robbed me of solitude but denied me companionship.'"
- UnevenBackpack
Not Someone to Look Foward To
"When I felt a sense of dread when coming home to her, or when I was at home and she was coming home to me. Wondering what triviality she would be angry about this time."
- BubbhaJebus
Just Not 'It,' and That's Okay!
"This isn’t a sad or dramatic one:"
"We had a really good girlfriend and boyfriend type relationship, but when s*it got real and long-term commitment (marriage, buying a house, having a baby) peered over the horizon we both freaked out and bailed."
"The catalyst was my mate’s wedding towards the end of the relationship and I was embarrassed at how lairy and drunk she was being. She was annoyed that I was being no fun and wouldn’t dance (there was no one else on the dancefloor!)"
"We’re still friends now. My wife is nothing like my ex, and my ex’s new partner is nothing like me. Everyone involved made the correct decision."
- SammyMacUK
Becoming the Butt of Their Joke
"I was going with him to my friend's destination wedding. While getting ready with my friend, I had curled my hair and asked them if it looked good. My gal friend said, 'Oh, you missed a piece right here,' and helped me get it done with the rest."
"He immediately groaned and said, 'Ugh, why’d you tell her?? We could have made fun of her together!'"
"Something about his joy at the thought of embarrassing me in front of my friends really just made me realize what a true a**hole he was. I broke up with him as soon as we got back home."
- WorkOutDrinkMore
This One Poetically Hurts
"There was a picture she painted of me years ago that hung on our wall. It was beautiful and was like a whole bunch of blue triangles that made out my face and it's my favorite thing of me that's ever existed."
"Then one day after a couple of bad years, she got in a relatively speaking small argument with me over something and started freaking out, tore the painting off the wall, and destroyed it."
"The argument was so pointless, I couldn't even remember what it was about a week later."
"I know it sounds dumb, but when she painted that for me at the beginning of our relationship, it meant everything to me, and after multiple awful years, that was when I knew things could never go back, and that painting and image I had of myself and our love and relationship would forever be broken and unfixable."
- Somewhere-Plane
It's heartbreaking when relationships come to an end, but when it's clear that they need to, it really couldn't be more clear.
It's obvious why these relationships ended when they did, and if anything, at least these people stayed true to themselves and moved on.
@GavinNewsom/X
