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We all stroll through life believing we'e invincible. But we actually are in danger in every second we draw breath. And there are certain moments that we can't help but take a second and acknowledge that this may actually be.... THE END. How we deal with that reality varies in a myriad of degrees.


Redditor u/fahbsshakeit was hoping some would fess up to... Reddit at what moment in your life did you stop, chuckle, and think to yourself 'I'm in danger'?


Duck and Cover.

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In Iraq in 2004, my unit was tasked with pushing from Hit to Fallujah in order to find and destroy Muqtada al-Sadr's Mahdi Army. In one of the cities we cleared, we were about to assault a 5-story building that intel had informed us was defended by more than 100 insurgents.

We were stacked up outside a medium-high wall that surrounded the building, and I was carrying my SAW (~20lbs machine gun). I got a boost over the wall and immediately fell into, and got stuck in, a thorny bush. I remember thinking, "Oh, man, what a stupid way to die" as I waited to start getting shot at.

Turns out that this insurgent stronghold was actually a school with 2 friendly dudes in it. 0311

Sleep is Perilous! 

About 19k feet (5.7km) up in Tanzania. Felt incredibly drowsy while taking a rest and started dreaming. Guide slapped me on the arm. "Don't sleep. You die."

The chuckle and "I'm in danger" came when I realized I felt so awful I might choose sleep. nanooka_nono

The body will survive!

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When you digest a meal, a significant amount of your blood is diverted for that task. This is why under normal conditions, eating a large meal makes people a little sleepy, or if it's cold that chilliness in the air will be more noticeable (because instead of warming your extremities the blood is busy collecting nutrients). When you are at high altitudes, your body cannot afford to redirect that much blood for non-essential functions, not because you have less blood but because the blood has less oxygen in it. So I think your body made the right choice. pixel_and_sticks

No crack! 

A homeless girl grabbed me from a bar and said she needed an ambulance because her friend had ODed. I followed her and started phoning one, she led me into an abandoned building. All that was going through my mind was "someone needs help" when she led me to some stairs and said we need to go up them, my brain finally kicked in and realized it could easily be a trap. Even if it wasn't I was about to walk into a crack den and was far enough into the building where escape wasn't easy.

Luckily my friend had followed us in and appeared. So I phoned the ambulance and we left. McAnalSandwich

You gimme FIRE.... 

I leaned over a candle and set my t-shirt on fire. I thought it was really interesting and turned to my friends saying "Hey, look everyone. My t-shirt's on fire." Fortunately one of them had more presence of mind than I did and put it out.Chickpea123uk

Gut Instinct is everything!

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When a car jumped the median and was barreling right towards me doing well over 70. Luckily horse power saved me from death, my first instinct was to floor it. At least have them hit the rear door/panels instead of the driver side door (I was only one in the car). Rycin

Kids are rough!

When I was 7 I was playfully pushing a sheep and he pushed forward. Next thing i know i am against a wall, sheep head on my chest and 5 seconds later i realize he is too strong for me. I literally thought i was going to die right there. SirSnipesAlots

Collect all the keys!! 

A crackhead got out of prison and went to visit his girlfriend. She moved out about 2 years earlier, and I moved in.

So at 1am there's a clearly drunk and high nutjob trying to break down my front door while my wife and kids are asleep (somehow). I hadn't put the bolts on the door yet as I was only just on my way to bed when he turned up. I still got the cricket bat out just in case. generic_brand_cola

Pay attention to the exit tutorial!

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There was this time on a school bus, we had a new driver.

The area is pretty hilly, and in this route, had this steep 50' drop off where the bus turned around with a 3 point turn.

But the bus driver kept backing up. Closer and closer, we almost went of the cliff. I'm sure that if we measured, it was within a foot.

I started looking at exits, how fast I could run to the front, or the side exit. Man, we were all screaming in terror. Good times.

Reddit

I'll never ski again! 

I took an out of bounds ski trail that looked fun (by myself, because intelligence is my strong suit). Came upon a tall cliff with a flat landing that I knew I couldn't make on skis but I had come too far to hike back to the main path. Took my skis off, tossed them over and climbed down. Hurt my legs, but nothing serious. Continued on.

Several minutes later came upon a sign pointing towards a 20km bike trail ending God knows where. It was around that time I realized I could end up lost in the back country of a ski resort with no cell reception. Decided to hike in the opposite direction the sign was pointing since it was uphill and seemed more likely to take me back to the main trail. After several whispered swears and a good half hour of hiking uphill (and across a sketchy looking wooden bridge) through deep snow in ski boots holding my skis, I arrived at a populated ski run. I now make sure to have someone with me for all back country related adventures. That way if I die, I can bring them down with me. SelfAwareOstrich

REDDIT

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If you've ever worked with kids you know that their honesty and lack of filter can sometimes make them cringeworthy - and pretty hilarious.

If you haven't (or you don't have a thick skin) then you might not be able to appreciate just how funny kids can actually be. For those who can, this article should be a blast.

Reddit user moosepajamas asked:

Teachers of Reddit, what is the funniest thing you've ever heard a student say?

The answers could sometimes be insulting, sometimes silly, and sometimes downright baffling - just like kids themselves!


September 31

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One time I was asking students their birthdays. One boy told me that his birthday was September 31st. I tried to explain that this was not possible, but he insisted. Later, I looked it up. I then informed him that his birthday was November 17th.

He looked at me kind of confused and said "ohhhh." Then his face brightened and he said, "Well, last year I KNOW it was September 31st!"

- RedditStateOfMind

Jesus

I teach elementary band. One time we were preparing for a challenging playing test and a student said: "Man, I need to practice."

Without missing a beat the kid next to him says "My mom says I need Jesus."

- moosepajamas

Shown Up By A 5th Grader

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Was tutoring after-school a couple years ago. A kid asked "What time is it?"

I joked "Time for you to get a watch."

He responded "Time for you to get a new joke" without a moment's hesitation.

I had to laugh at getting shown up by a 5th grader. Two reading levels behind but witty as hell.

- Garlic_And_Sapphires

Jogathon

I had a student who was a newcomer (just moved to the US, almost no English) from Latvia. This kid is very bright and was one of my favorite 6th graders ever. We were having our annual jogathon, which is linguistically and culturally not translatable from Latvian.

Student: "So I pay you and you make me run?"

Me: "Yeah, that's actually how it goes."

Student: "This is simple. I don't pay you, you don't make me run."

Me: "uhhhh...."

- estrogyn

Rosa

Middle school field trip to a different state. One of the chaperones (a large black woman) wanted to get in a little nap in the back seat of the bus, so she made one of the students move to a seat in the front that was far from his friends. He got in the seat and started sulking. He was normally a pretty lively kid, so I leaned forward and asked what happened.

To which he replied: "I think I just got reverse Rosa Parks-ed!"

- almost_queen

The Moon

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I teach sophomores. One day, this girl was sitting at her desk, looking very concerned, and obviously wanted to ask me something. Finally, she blurted out, "Did anybody else see the moon in the sky during lunch? It's supposed to be out at night, something is wrong!"

- cubfanbybirth

Physically

Teacher to student: "Were you in class yesterday?"

Student, sounding more lost than anything and probably answering too honestly: "Physically... ?"

It wasn't so much an attempt at humor as just the summation of how we all felt in that class, one of those "it's funny because it's too true" things... we all were showing up, we were all sitting in the class physically... but being there? That was another question...

- Allisade

The Ladies

First grade. 6 yr. old lil dude about 3 ft. tall and 80 lbs. walks in late from recess.

Me - "Why are you late?"

Kid - grabs his hunk of belly with both hands like a ball of cream cheese and says "The ladies love this!"

Sits down like nothing happen with no smile.

- BoBoShaws

Synchronized

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He asked me "If a synchronized swimmer starts drowning, do they all start drowning?"

I lost it in class.

- bunsenbernerr

It's A Miracle

I teach high school, and one of my sophomores referred to merry-go-rounds as "miracle rounds". He legit thought that's what they were called 😂😂 I corrected him and he refused to believe me lol.

- royalredhead

The Pizza Guy

I was sharing information about math in art to my students (they're about 13 years old) and mentioned Leonardo da Vinci. A student said: "The pizza guy?"

I was confused, but later she said, "See! The pizza party!"

We were looking at The Last Supper.

- catpflug

Astronomy

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"I thought Astronomy would be easy because I know all about it but he hasn't even brought up horoscopes yet and we're 6 weeks in."

- chrisrayn

Budget Cuts

I teach band. One day I'm working with the high school jazz band and we're going to start mapping out some basic compositions. I pass out blank sheet music for them to use, which is simply blank 5-line staves with no notes, no symbols, etc.

One kid gets his sheet music expecting it to be a new song we're going to work on, sees that it's blank, looks up and says "Wow, budget cuts must've hit us hard, huh?"

- SquirrelSanctuary

Life Choices

Math prof. I finished a proof and to check understanding, I asked "does everyone understand my choices?" One of my favorite students ever piped up and said "Are we talking about your proof or how you've chosen to live your life?"

- coldstainlessnail

Before

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Wore a Captain America shirt to school since the student council had a super hero day. A student said I looked like Captain America - before the super soldier injections.

- numero1uno

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