Criminals have tried all sorts of things to avoid prison over the years, but "hey, at least I didn't think about defecating on anyone's desk" has to be unprecedented.
But that's the gambit Capitol rioter Derek Jancart is using in attempt avoid doing prison time for his role in the deadly insurrection.
See the court papers below.
I've never seen this written in federal criminal case before\n\nIn new motion, Jan 6 defendant Derek Jancart, who's pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, asks court to spare him prison\n\n*Among many other things, he argues..... "he did not contemplate defacating on anyone's desk"*pic.twitter.com/VkmZ2y37N0— Scott MacFarlane (@Scott MacFarlane) 1632694636
Jancart, an Air Force veteran, pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct charges for his doings at the Capitol. He is facing a four-month prison term if convicted.
His attorney A. Eduardo Balazero, however, believes such a prison sentence to be overkill for being involved in a melee that resulted in five deaths.
Rather, he suggested 24 months of probation because, as he put it in the court papers:
"[Jancart] did not engage in any violence; did not break anything; did not confront or fight with police."
"He did not enter any offices; did not enter the House or Senate floor; he did not take any 'souvenirs;' did not contemplate defecating on anyone's desk.."
Balazero's petition came in response to the U.S. Department of Justice's sentencing memo in regards to Jancart and his co-defendant, Erik Rau.
Rau confirmed in testimony that he and Jancart entered Pelosi's office, where they heard other rioters yelling "Sh*t on her desk!" Instead, they kept walking deeper into the Capitol until a police officer apprehended them and instructed them to leave.
Balazero went on to state several other reasons he thought Jancart shouldn't serve time for his actions on January 6, but it was the pooping part that really seemed to stand out to people, like a bad smell in the air, if you will.
And on Twitter, people of course had a field day with this bit of news.
Oh hooooo the old \u201cI didn\u2019t defecate on the desk\u201d defense— \ud83d\udd95\ud83c\udffcnunya bizness\ud83d\udd95\ud83c\udffcExec Director of Construction (@\ud83d\udd95\ud83c\udffcnunya bizness\ud83d\udd95\ud83c\udffcExec Director of Construction) 1632696872
Are there degrees of desk defecation, based on pre-meditation, aggravated, or justifiable bowelcide?— SLBM (@SLBM) 1632695959
the i'm spartacus moment except they're all shouting I didn't poop on a congressional deskhttps://twitter.com/macfarlanenews/status/1442251954768470017\u00a0\u2026— Bill Myers, Mr. Stinky Chicken Man (@Bill Myers, Mr. Stinky Chicken Man) 1632746768
You go with the defense you have, not the defense you wanthttps://twitter.com/MacFarlaneNews/status/1442251954768470017\u00a0\u2026— AllAloneInTheMoonHat (@AllAloneInTheMoonHat) 1632784387
I don't buy it. I contemplate pooping on desks nearly every minute of the day. Do I act on every single impulse, though? No. Not more than 10% of the time. It's called self control, people.— Barnabas-Enriched Hot Buttered Flaming Batspanx (@Barnabas-Enriched Hot Buttered Flaming Batspanx) 1632696596
"Sure, my client wanted to overthrow a democracy, but DID THEY poop on a desk? No, your Honor, they did not! CASE CLOSED."https://twitter.com/MacFarlaneNews/status/1442251954768470017\u00a0\u2026— Ho-stradamus (@Ho-stradamus) 1632701897
" I mean, Your Honor, who gets up in the morning and thinks that they will be crapping on a lawmaker's office desk by 4pm? Happens! Cut the guy some slack!"— Brenda Townsend (@Brenda Townsend) 1632696057
None of us do, man. That\u2019s the crazy thing - it\u2019s totally unpredictable.\n\nI guess desk pooping could happen to any of us. If we were insane traitors.— Eric Garland (@Eric Garland) 1632694975
This Jan 6. insurrectionist, Jancart, wants the judge to spare him jail time because "he . . . didn't contemplate defecating on anyone's desk . . ."\n\nThe old 'I didn't poop on anything" defense.https://twitter.com/MacFarlaneNews/status/1442251954768470017?s=09\u00a0\u2026— Estee, BA, MA, PBACC (@Estee, BA, MA, PBACC) 1632773244
Federal judges discussing pooping on desks was not on my 2021 BINGO card.— Rocky Mountain Views (@Rocky Mountain Views) 1632761039
Jancart is likely to be the first military veteran sentenced for their involvement in the January 6 insurrection.
Oh My God Reaction GIF 
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