an Oh Myyy Property

Bisexual people have had to deal with a ton of unfair drama for just being themselves. They are part of the rainbow too. Let's remember that!

Redditor u/Rk8ley wanted the bisexual, gender fluids to share their tales of being ostracized by asking.... Bisexuals of Reddit, especially those in straight relationships, have you ever been bullied or abused by LGBT people for not being "gay" enough? And what's your story?



Don't take on other people's past...

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My husband and I are both bi. I'm "out" but he's not. His father figure, a gay man, told him that he would never date a bi man, because he's nursed too many bi men back from failed straight relationships, only to have them "switch" and leave him for women. When my husband replied that he was bi, that was a very awkward moment. laraken

Look at Me! 

I've been told both by lesbians (for some reason I was never told this by a gay guy) and straight people that bisexuals only claim to be bisexuals because they either want attention, they don't want to come out as lesbian/gay, or they go for people of their same gender because nobody of the opposite gender finds them attractive.

I was never *bullied* because of it, but some people are definitely passive aggressive about it and I've occasionally caught them talking shit about bisexual people behind their backs. ratinha91

It's my Pride too! 

I (bi woman married to a man) had my gay coworkers boyfriend thank me for "supporting pride." It was in a fairly condescending tone. I was pretty offended, and kept saying "you marry one man, and suddenly you're straight!" I'm pretty open about being bi. The last two partners before dating my now husband were a woman and a trans man. I just happened to stop dating anyone, man/woman/genderfluid that wasn't my single monogamous life partner. emu30

Be Healthy! 

I have nothing against dating bi women, and honestly with my type 90% of the women I date are bi. But I have been cheated on twice by long term partners with men - and for both it was a huge deal for them that they weren't able to be out to their parents, and instead opted for the easy route with men because there was less pressure. I think that's part of where the insecurity comes from. In many other circumstances women presented themselves as being serious, but then copped out as it being a fling to try. If society was less homophobic and compulsory heterosexuality wasn't so prevalent, it would be easier to date bi people.

In the cases I've experienced, the individual was insecure, selfish, and not in a healthy head space to be dating or dealing with their sexuality - but why try to work through your problems when there was a convenient, more socially acceptable fallback? I know this is because of the individuals though, and not that they are bi. It's just tough to figure out if they're that type of person without emotionally investing in them and getting to know them.

It's not going to stop me from dating bi women, but I'm certainly more selective now and am only dating women who are out and not new to dating women. Unfortunately, that does mean that I'm turning down women who may very well be serious but can't seem to get experience dating women because all the gays have developed the same selectivity. It's tough, I get it, but it's a choice that I have to make that is healthier for me. BoundingBorder

My pain is real...

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A few different gay people -- specifically, a few "gold star" lesbians -- insisted on calling me straight. The time it pissed me off most was right after I'd gotten out of a multi-year relationship with a woman (and I'm a woman). My heart was broken. I went to pride with a gold star lesbian pal and a few genuinely straight people.

The lesbian pal turned to me in front of the group and said, "Thanks for coming here to support me. You're a good straight ally."

I'd literally been crying on her shoulder about my ex-girlfriend the week before. Anyway, I was so shocked she would call me straight that I couldn't come up with anything to say. We didn't really stay friends. InvincibleSummer1066

It's Human Nature... 

It's actually funny because the argument against gay people is that they aren't part of the group, they're different; then, you have that group that was discriminated against turning it around and discriminating against others, all while shouting at the first group "don't discriminate against me!" It's hilarious to see how warped minds can get, when we all forget about human nature. serrol_

Why do I have to pick?

Bisexual man. I've been railed on by both lesbians and gay men for not picking, not taking a side, not being honest about my sexuality (I said I was Bi, they didn't believe it was possible) etc. How is the idea that I can find and enjoy both sexes a falsehood? Also, how is that persecution any different from what you hate straight people doing to you?Ashe_Faelsdon

Bi-Flag! 

Many people don't even know that I swing that way, because I usually don't talk about it unless I'm asked. I don't consider it that important to my identity that I'd feel need to hang out in the LGBT crowd or fly the bi-flag or whatever. Still, as an outside observer I've witnessed a lot of gatekeeping like this, and I feel that it will hurt their goals down the road. boringprude

I'm Coming Out.... Maybe! 

I'm a bi female and honestly it's not a huge deal to me. I haven't had to "come out" because it's not something I talk about unless asked. I've only dated men and I know I'm going to marry my current boyfriend so it's just not something that ever really comes up. But as an art student at a liberal college I'm just waiting for that moment for some a--hole who says "you can't speak on this cause you're straight" and be like HAH you assuming SOB haha. LittleBumbleBean

You MUST Choose!

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Yes. I am bisexual and besides lesbians on the after Ellen forum, where I first attempted to understand my orientation and the greater lifestyle bullying us for being untrustworthy, I have recently been fully aware of gay individuals posting things like that the B should be removed and is not representative if the rest of the community because we may "choose." puffpuffpastries

"The Look"

The amount of bi discrimination in the LGBTQ community is wild. phantom_panties

People have weird expectations when it comes to this stuff. I know a guy who is literally married to another guy, and you'd think that qualifies as 'gay enough' to be considered gay; but apparently his husband's friends give him crap for 'looking straight.' ratinha91

Don't Judge...

100% gay man here. First and deepest love was Bi and I just never got over the feeling he'd one day go back to women or have a fling with a lady. It was part of what ended our relationship and it still hurts so many years later. I resented him for it then and regret it now. I teased him and prodded for him to admit he was cheating on me with a woman. You cannot change a leopards spots and I tried but failed miserably.

What I'm trying to say is that when you're with someone, be with them in that moment of your lives and love each other. Don't panic over the unknown or try to change someone to suit your future. If they are with you it's because they are into you. OmgLikeForSureDude

Why so Serious?

I'm a bisexual teen (male), and I've actually faced a lot more direct anger from people than expected. I'm like a weird middle ground between flamboyant and very serious and straight (pun not intended), so both straights and gays tend to find me a little off. A lot of gay guys I've met have been especially big d**ks to me because they assume I'm gay just for attention. I've only dated women before, so that also helps give them a reason to hate on me. PixlYoshi

Simmer Down Now!

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Bi woman here. The weirdness I've experienced is from straight chicks not really LGBT. Like I'll mention it because I'm not ashamed & they get all weird like I'm going to hit on them or be creepy. Chick - you aren't my type, I'm very married to a man & a Mother. Chill. Nightmare_Moons

A Proud "B!"

Oh man, yes, from both men and women. For the gay guys, it's usually that I'm just out there for the privilege, like I'm secretly gay but dating women for like, status or something. From straight women, there's a huge fear of infidelity. Like, if I'm going to cheat, it's because I'm a cheating scumbag, not because I'm bi. Then, there's the times when I'm dating a girl and I've been told or made to feel like I don't belong in LGBTQ+ spaces. Like, the "B" stands for bisexual, I'm totes part of this damn community. el_pobbster

Making the Turn....

Lesbian girls never really want(ed) to date me, because I'd leave them for a guy anyway. My sexuality has been questioned by gay and straight people alike. Not my story but that of my BF. He was in a relationship with a guy for a while. This guy kept asking him when he'd turn fully gay. No. Marshmallow_konijn

Not Alone....

I don't know if this counts, but I'm asexual, and people give us soooo much crap about it. They assume I'm molested, I'm just abstinent, that I am secretly gay, or that I just "need to get d**k" or whatever. Some people get very rude about it. PlasticGirl

I'm not Broken! 

Bi girl here. Had relationships/one night stands/fwb with men and women. Married to a man. I've had people say I pretend to like women for attention, that I just needed the right guy and d**k to get over the phase. I had a guy follow me home from a gay club who said he was gonna show me what a real man was to "fix me." Had people assume that the only type of sex I want is threesomes. The list goes on.... ChronicallyLou

Here for the Fun! 

I'm a bisexual woman who has dated men and women. Currently in a long-term relationship with a man. I have several very close lesbian friends and none have ever tried to make me feel bad/lesser/whatever. I was also the president of my college's LGBT group and no one ever seemed upset about it.

I don't want to deny anyone's experiences, but I also don't want younger bisexual people to think they're automatically hated by other members of the LGBT community. It's fun being bisexual! And it's fun to have bisexual friends! It's fun to have gay and lesbian friends too. summerbowl

I am who I am!

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In high school, one of my best friends came out to me as a lesbian. She was only out to me and one other friend for about a year. We spent countless hours talking about her process of realizing that she was not straight, the girl she had a crush on, what she found attractive in women, etc. Her family did not know for quite a long time, and I was one of her main support structures until she left for college.

Anyway, we both went to separate colleges and did not talk for a while. During my first year at college, I developed a raging crush on a girl from my school. Blushing when she walked into the room, getting flustered when she would talk to me, the whole nine yards. Previously, I had only dated men, so this was really when I came to realize that I identified as bisexual.

A few months later, I had a phone call with my friend, just to catch up since we had not talked for a while. At some point in the conversation, I told my friend about my crush and how it had been so out of the blue for me but how I had begun to identify as bisexual since then and notice that I was attracted to other women. My friend fell silent as I was speaking, and once I had finished, asserted multiple times that there was no way that I could be bisexual because I had only dated men and was currently dating a man.

She and I have not talked since that interaction years ago, and I am now surrounded by much more supportive friends. It still hurts, though, that she could not accept me after I'd spent so much time working through her sexuality with her.telepathiccrowqueen

We're all self-conscious about something, and it doesn't help when our faults get thrown in our faces. You don't want doctors hinting that something is "weird down there," nor do you want someone to tell you you're balding. WE KNOW.

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Fox News, @hewster1369/Twitter

A guest on Fox News is being roasted online after his unusual description of how one would get high on marijuana.

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Hmmmm, I don't think THAT'S your essay....

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When you know your kids backwards and forwards, this is the best tool in your arsenal.

Getting our kids to listen to us is not always the easiest of tasks. They're willful and stubborn, but we've got a mighty weapon they are rarely prepared for: reverse psychology. Getting them to convince themselves to want to do something against their own initial intentions takes some work and a whole lot of creativity, but a little sneaky manipulation goes a long way. Here are some clever parents' tricks that are definitely worth taking notes on.

Redditor u/LeanderD Asks:

Parents of reddit, what's your best example of reversed psychology on your kids that actually worked?

He Floated His Idea Through A Back Channel

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Wanted to name my boat. Anything I would think of was dismissed as stupid by my 13 year old son. After deciding on a name, I confided to a male friend my son liked. Made my friend suggest the name as though it was his idea. My son thought the name was perfect. Done.

calypsodweller

We Always Want What We Can't Have

One of my best friends through childhood used to be punished with no salad if she misbehaved. She cherishes salad now and would always try to eat as much as possible during school lunch. Coincidentally, her now husband used to be punished with no books, it had the same effect. I think it's hilarious that they'd be hitting the salad bar and library like some black market their narc parents couldn't reach hahaha.

cookiearthquake

A Deceit That's A Cut Above The Rest

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Don't know if this counts, but, at my high school (private, boys only) in the 1960's, they made a big deal about how long your hair was, and would occasionally order a boy to go home and "get a haircut".

I thought it was stupid, until years later, a master confided to me at a reunion that the policy was deliberate. The school figured we'd spend so much energy rebelling about hair length, that we would ignore other aspects of teenage rebellion. (Not?) Surprisingly, they were mostly right.

FrankDrakman

Damn! That's smart. Wow.

fangxx456

Oh they don't like long hair?

I'll show them. I'll grow my hair out as lon- what?! No I don't want to go "party"? I gotta try out this horse shampoo.

DankeyKang11

The Forbidden Book

Hi I was a victim,

There was a forbidden book that I was not allow to read on the shelf. My parents said I could only read it if I behave myself.

It was summer holidays and I was playing games all day (after 6 hrs of summer homework). One day I was home alone and had the opportunity to grabbed it. I read like half of it in one go. It was 5000 years of Chinese history.

Safe to say I was bamboozled.

oddstodd

Flowers Of The Queen

My parents always told me my broccoli were the flowers of the queen and that I really shouldn't eat them, or else the queen would get very upset! I, of course, ate the whole broccoli in a few seconds.

Subwoofy

I'm telling the queen and she's gonna be pissed

draculacletus

Sleeping Beauty

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I taught my kids when they were toddlers that no amount of yelling, shaking or hitting can wake a sleeping adult. The only thing that works is a gentle hug and/or a nice kiss on the cheek.

Edit: Probably needed some more details for the reverse psychology aspect to be clear. It went something like this - Step one, tell the kids I'm going to sleep and nothing they do will wake me (head buried face down is the safest position). Step two, after the initial onslaught dies down pretend to awaken on your own. Tell them you got a bit of nap left in you and nothing can wake you, especially not hugs and kisses.

DrMethusael

Holy sh*t...if my daughter woke me up like this I would buy her a pony.

All-Seeing_Elon

I am saving this comment because this will save lives if I ever have kids, stg.

smerter

A Walk In Someone Else's Shoes.

Split custody with my ex. When my son was around 10, he visited two weekends a month. I was waiting tables and didn't have a huge amount to spend, but he was so needy from divorce (and I'm not blaming him, it was ugly), he begged constantly for MORE when he was with me. Whatever more was, it didn't matter... he'd be eating ice cream cone and begging for teriyaki.

I finally realized that he just felt empty, and getting MORE whatever from me wasn't filling him up. His next visit I handed him $100 in cash and told him it was our food/fun budget for 3 days and two nights, and he was in charge of it. I bought him his own wallet to carry. We figured out how many times we were going to eat and what we were going to do, and he paid. He got to keep whatever money he had left...thought he was rich...then realized just how much everything cost. Well. Shoe on other foot then. If we had no money for food, we ate leftovers - and I didn't contribute more to pot. After a few weekends of running short or not getting something he actually wanted because he was foolish with funds, he started to really think about how to spend that money. He budgeted and kept to his budget. And a few times he actually went home with a little cash for his private stash.

Many years later, he thanked me for this. It really changed the way he thought about money and love.

Augumenti

This Is Worth Giving A Shot

Took my 3 year old son to one of those doctor's visits where he was going to get a shot. He was worried about the shot on the whole drive over, almost to the point of tears. We get to the doctor's office and a nurse subtly lets me know that my son is not just scheduled for 1 shot, but 5 of them in the same visit.

I turn to my son with an exaggerated smile and tell him, "Good news! They figured out how to take that one big shot you were going to get and instead break it up into these 5 little tiny shots so it won't hurt nearly as much!"

You could see the relief wash over his face. He stopped squirming and relaxed completely. He took the first shot and even smiled and said "It's true! The small ones don't hurt!"

We actually made it through the third shot before the effect wore off and reality kicked in. Still... I counted it as a victory.

blackbird77

Put This To The Taste

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My mom would tell me she only lets me eat soup after candy and she'd only buy me candy that i didn't like. After a few times, i stopped trying and begged her to let me eat soup first. She gave me a smirk and told me go ahead. This doesn't sound as evil as it was. But trust me i suffered.

turkeypr0

So what was the candy?

Poster_Main

Mint chocolate, raisins, stuff like that. I still hate them to this day. Who the f--- thought while eating chocolate "hmm id like some tooth paste with this."

turkeypr0

This is Truckin' Awesome

Mum had sworn a bit around the house.

When 4, while out at the supermarket, I said F word really loudly.

Very quickly and intently, she asked if I had just said "Truck" and said that was a bad word and not to ever say Truck like that again.

I thought that was the bad word so used that when being naughty.

GodOfTheThunder

The "Silly Mom" Routine

The "Silly Mom" routine.

My kid, and a few other kids I've known, would balk at getting ready to go. I'd grab their clothes and say, "Well, if you won't put on your clothes, I guess I'll put on your clothes. Cute shirt, by the way! Does it go on my foot?"

NO!

"Does it go on my head?"

NO! IT GOES ON ME!

"Oh, that's right, thanks! So, it must go on your legs, right?"

NO!

"I just can't figure this out! Where does this adorable shirt go?"

[kid grabs shirt and puts it on] ON MY TUMMY! SILLY MOM!

"Oh, thank you so much! Now what about these pants? Shirts go on tummies, so...the pants go on the tummy, too, right?"

NO!

[continue until kids have dressed themselves]

I would also do things like hand the kid my keys and say, "Alright, you're driving, I'll sit in the booster seat in back," attempt to feed the kid by putting a spoon up to his ear or his belly button, and attempt to put away his toys in the refrigerator.

insertcaffeine

Some Foot For Thought.

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My mum would always yell at us "if you don't do X, you have to go to bed without socks!"

I never wore socks anyway, and I'm ashamed to admit that this worked.

Splittsky

That would work really well on my son, or make him cry for a really long time... He's 3 and over the last few weeks has decided that he is fully unable to sleep without socks on.

PJQueen

Toddlers man. Completely unpredictable.

SheaRVA

I'm Greens With Envy

My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.

When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."

Her kids grew up loving vegetables.

I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.

laik72

This reminds me of an instance when my child convinced my wife and myself to change our plans for dinner. We were in a grocery store to pick up something quick and easy to eat that we wouldn't have to prepare. Our daughter, wanted none of that, she demanded that she wanted a salad from the salad bar. We started to argue back, but then realized: "Our child demands that we feed her vegetables for dinner instead of a microwaved meal, why are we saying 'No?'"

We had salad for dinner that night.

Galaxy_Ranger_Bob

The Power Of Choice

I don't so much know if you would call it reverse psychology, but I didn't realize it until my dad told me this.

When there were chores that needed doing, he noticed if he asked me to mow the lawn, I would complain and procrastinate. But if he asked would I rather mow the lawn or wash the windows, I'd pick one and just get it done.

Shattered my brain when he told me when I was in my twenties. I use it when I'm coaching or baby sitting all the time and it almost never fails.

AppealToReason16

The Boy Who Cried 'Ouch'

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I've done this one with tens of kids. Any time a kid gets "hurt" (falls down on grass, gets gently hit in the face with a ball, etc.) instead of stopping the activity to pick the kid up and see if they're ok you just scoot them off to the side and resume. Within 10 seconds of not getting all the attention and seeing the fun is resuming they pop right back up and are magically healed.

This of course is only for the "injuries" that aren't actually injuries.

pedanticProgramer

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